EnnuiStasis

AH went to the doc today, own his own, as promised. Seriously undercounted (um, lied) about the alcohol intake ~ apparently made it sound perfectly normal, social & healthy. Doc gives him a "good to go" ~ of course. Why even go through the motions if you have no intention of telling the truth or taking any (positive) action? Why pee on my leg and try to tell me it's rain unless he thinks I'm an absolute idiot?

There's more, but it's already on about 100 posts if not 1000 or 10,000.

searching4mysel

Been there, done that I guess it's a way to build on their denial. "I went to the doctor and he said it was OK you're the crazy one!"

CeciliaV

I hear you. Even with two trips to the ER to help him cope after really bad binges, AH still didn't give full disclosure to the docs there about how much he drank. Hell, I don't know if HE knew how much he drank. My guy seems committed to recovery now, but until he was ready to really commit, he went through the motions to give the appearance that he's doing something.

dollydo

Yeah, they lie, and sadly the first person they are lieing to...is themselves.

HopefulmomtoD

Haha .... I used to be in the health care field. The usual thought was to double what they actually admitted to. His doctor may not have been fooled. ;

Tuffgirl

My thought exactly. However, there is nothing they can do about it either.

EnnuiStasis

I did mention that to him. Like how everyone who is pulled over for DUI on Cops and such shows has always had "just two beers." Doesn't matter if your blood IS alcohol... it's just two beers. I guess they could be 40's or kegs... but only two officer.

He's annoyed at me because I wouldn't go along with his "imaginary limit" of 4 beers, partly because I've never in 8 years seen him drink just four unless he was dying dog sick of a virus or something. I told him if it had been four I wouldn't have even said anything to him.

Seriously one of the stupidest most nonsensical discussions/arguements we've ever had. I kept waiting for a unicorn to trounce through the window, throw some sparkles, and maybe a troupe of dwarves dance on the table. Just nutters.

CentralOhioDad

I appreciate the fact you are keeping a sense of humor through this. This really made me laugh! Thanks!

Recovering2

I was actually in the exam room with my RABF when he was still actively drinking. He told his Dr what he drank each day. Then the Dr tells him that his rule of thumb is to take what is said and double it. Would that perhaps be a little closer to the true situation? I was surprised, even more so when my BF said yes!

bless5

That's what our Doc said also. He doubles the amount to get an accurate estimation. Massive denial is always part of this disease.

BoxinRotz

I just blurt out the truth of AH's drinking when the Dr ask n he goes along with it.

Wonder if the Dr doubles what I say? Cuz he could drink all that vodka!!!

Florence

I was always frustrated with our docs and therapists until someone filled me in that they are specifically instructed not to argue with patients, but typically they know when they're being lied to about addictive behavior and symptoms. Remember if you're getting this information secondhand, you have no idea what the doctor actually said. He might have said anything between, "OMG YOU ARE GOING TO DIE" and "Get a hold of your drinking, man," and "All good! Righty-O!" and you'd never know.

Before any of his alcoholism was exposed, my AH and I went to marriage counseling and I had one therapist suggest once that we "take a look at the role alcohol played in our relationship," which is about the most understated way to point out that one of you is a raging alcoholic and the other is a raging basket case. And all the time we spent together, she only said it once, because arguing that a patient has a problem they're in complete denial about is the fastest way to guarantee they stop treatment.

laurie6781

Oh (((((Ennui)))))

When I was still out there practicing I very rarely saw a Dr.

However, about 10 months before I found recovery, I was riding passenger on a
Harley and we got hit broadside. Nothing was broken on me, but I did end up
with 'Road Burn' from my shoulders all the way down and over my buttocks.

The Dr in the ER and then in my Hospital Room did mention that I had an awful
high BAC and I explained it away as we had been at a party. He didn't blink an
eye. I also suspect back then alcoholism was not something he had run into as
much as they do now 32 years later.

So upon my release, I was give a full BIG prescription bottle full of codiene for
pain and was told I had 6 refills that I could get every 2 weeks. Sheesh boy did
he make a big blunder, but .......................... I as the A was NOT HONEST with
him and back then if in their 4 years of medical school they got 15 minutes on
alcoholism it was a lot.

After I found recovery, I went back to college and got my degree and became a
licensed RN. Although I started my own business doing private home care of the
terminally ill and/or the totally incapacitated, in the first year or so, I was 'on call'
at our local ER and did rotations there. I cannot tell you how many times someone
came in for whatever reason, were obviously intoxicated and their 'stock answer'
to "how much have you had to drink?" Was TWO. Ask any cop or sheriff's deputy
what the 'stock answer' is and they know it is TWO.

So your AH not being honest not only with the doctor but with you in what the
doctor said is a given.

I am more concerned about you. Have you formulated a plan for you yet? Have
you taken any steps to get said plan started?

This is more about you now, and what you are wiling to continue to tolerate and
what you are not.

We are walking with you in spirit!!

Love and hugs,

EnnuiStasis

I don't know where to post this... Christian forum, mental health, spinning out of control, "other"... and moderators feel free to delete if you see fit.

It just seems my life has gone nuts in no time at all and I am reeling.

I don't know if I should just be glad for the good bits and just keep hoping for better or take a good hard look at how my own hopes, dreams and desires have been on a back burner so very long. I have found myself drinking more than usual since I realized how much AH was drinking (and deceiving me), which is out of character for me, sleeping as much as physically possible (just to not deal with all this) and now after so much time, effort and money spent on excellent therapy in years past to be well ~ here I sit with deep nasty razor gashes in my leg that I cant even feel. Yes they need stitches but I can't see that happening.

I've tentavely set up one on one therapy with a counselor, but I don't even know if I have the energy or want to at this point. Or if I'd do bettet to save the money and just get the heck out of dodge and start over on my own. Maybe I need to stop and breathe!

I've put so much of my own dreams, desires, hopes, education, work goals etc. on hold to support my husband the last almost ten years that I'm not in a great position to just bail out now... but if he's so deeply in denial I don't know that anything will ever get better. No offense to any who aren't of the praying persuasion, but to those who are, please, please, say a prayer or many for me as I desperately feel in need of them.

LexieCat

Prayers coming your way. You also need to see a doctor about the cuts, and the cutting.

It may not look like it right now, but your life can get back on track. Those hopes and dreams can still be realized.

You have to move some muscles, though, to get there. If you are ready to be done with the relationship for the time being, at least, start making some plans for that. Do a little brainstorming, try making some lists. As I got involved in that, I sometimes felt like I was planning "The Great Escape"--and in many ways, I was. I started focusing on the FUTURE I could make for myself. And I started feeling less hopeless and more hopeful.

Hugs and prayers,

Tuffgirl

I would do both, if I were you. Sounds like you are drowning and need to start saving yourself. All of us here, and people in Al-Anon can throw you a lifeline, but you need to be the one to swim to it and hang on.

So start swimming here - it is your life, after all. This is your one shot at it. Don't let alcoholism be the catalyst to bring you down this far. It's not even your addiction (yet). Let his denial with the Dr. be the spring board for your own actions to get yourself in a better place, emotionally and physically. Go to that appointment, and go get those cuts checked out and stitched if they need it. And make your #1 priority your own well being! You are worth it.

Prayers from me today,
~T

Florence

You don't have to make any major life decisions at the moment. You can get treatment for the physical and emotional pain that you're having, and with time, these wounds will heal.

What I can say about myself is that I had to make a choice to change my life and decide that self-destruction wasn't an option.

EnnuiStasis

Thanks ever so much for the support and prayers. This tends to be a rough time of year for me and it seems like I had a poltergeist type head-spin.

Seeing the therapist to take care of me next week. Apparently my kids picked up on my skittering super-quick and offered support etc., though they have their own lives going full speed ahead. Sometimes it really is the thought (and love) that counts.

AH explained more of his own process behind this, and the giving up of some of his dreams (especially a job he's really been wanting) ~ working through that and accepting that he has a problem, even if he's not ready to be straight up with it. I'm sure that's a hard hit to his ego and confidence. Complete honesty could be a career (and security clearance) ender forever too... and we're not in a financial position to go there.

Yep. Me. Re-grouping now.

bamboo10

Ennuistasis-first of all-yes, breathe.

I was at a wake last week for a family friend that overdosed.we dont know if it was on purpose or not, but what I do know is this. I have been in such a bad place the past few weeks. Just completely down, sleeping as much as possible to escape life, etc. As I stood at the wake with the open casket, my mind briefly went to-this would be so much easier. to just end it all, the pain, the sadness, everything.

Now-I would never ever do something-if only for not wanting to do that to the people who love me, but I dont want that for myself either. Yet I had a brief moment of thinking about it. It does get easier and better. This week I have been in a much better place. Hang in there...and come back often. Take care of you!

Cyranoak

I don't say this critically at all, so please don't take it that way-- the only person we have to blame when we expect an alcoholic not in long-term recovery to tell the truth is ourselves. And, when they do tell the truth, you can be damn sure it's because the truth serves their ultimate goals better than a lie. Eventually, if they continue drinking, they get to the point where they can't use the truth to lie but even then it doesn't matter. They are still doing one thing only-- making sure they can continue to drink.

Take care,

Cyranoak