Ok, who is NOT surprised?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 284
Hugs, my avatar-sister Ennui!
I'm so glad you reached out to us when you were down yesterday! I'm sorry that I missed your post.
I also went through a period of time when I thought, "what the hell, if you can't beat 'em..." And I started to drink WAY too much. I could drink nearly a bottle of wine on my own. Sure, I was really drunk by that point, but I was also not caring about how much HE drank. LOL, now I can barely get through a glass of wine without feeling light-headed. I am so grateful that I made it through that period without developing an alcohol addiction too. It wasn't until much later that I realized how little energy I was putting into my own well-being.
It can be a major challenge to shift some positive focus onto ourselves... To realize that WE can make our lives better through loving and nurturing who we are. What I am finding right now is that, who I am had become lost to me for a while. It's not that I am so different at my core, but that who I am had been suppressed for so long, overwhelmed by my AHs identity, that I had forgotten. I am slowly rediscovering who I am, and that can be awkward. But, it is also freeing, and satisfying when you realize you are being true to yourself in all of your thoughts and actions.
Ennui, don't wait until your therapy appt next week to be kind to yourself. Invest in your self every day! You will feel the difference when you do.
Sending you many wishes for peace and strength,
Fathom
I'm so glad you reached out to us when you were down yesterday! I'm sorry that I missed your post.
I also went through a period of time when I thought, "what the hell, if you can't beat 'em..." And I started to drink WAY too much. I could drink nearly a bottle of wine on my own. Sure, I was really drunk by that point, but I was also not caring about how much HE drank. LOL, now I can barely get through a glass of wine without feeling light-headed. I am so grateful that I made it through that period without developing an alcohol addiction too. It wasn't until much later that I realized how little energy I was putting into my own well-being.
It can be a major challenge to shift some positive focus onto ourselves... To realize that WE can make our lives better through loving and nurturing who we are. What I am finding right now is that, who I am had become lost to me for a while. It's not that I am so different at my core, but that who I am had been suppressed for so long, overwhelmed by my AHs identity, that I had forgotten. I am slowly rediscovering who I am, and that can be awkward. But, it is also freeing, and satisfying when you realize you are being true to yourself in all of your thoughts and actions.
Ennui, don't wait until your therapy appt next week to be kind to yourself. Invest in your self every day! You will feel the difference when you do.
Sending you many wishes for peace and strength,
Fathom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 87
Getting Back on Track ~ Yay!
Just wanted to update since doing my massive skid off the rails. Whew.
AH is back to beer. I refuse to watch or count, but I haven't seen him glassy-eyed lately. If he drinks too much, stays up too late etc., the consequences are his to deal with. I used to joke to people, including my kids, "I'm not your mama or your maid ~ you deal with it." Of course the kids would respond, "But you are our mama!" And the expected reply was, "Yes, I am. But I'm still not your maid, so *whatever mess* is still yours to clean up." I had to remind myself that I'm neither mama nor maid to this grown man ~ and I don't want to be. He's aware of the dangers of his drinking, my thoughts and feelings about it... but the choice about what he's going to do (or not do) is his. He also knows that if the stress level or chaos gets too toxic for me, I will run like my shoes are on fire.
After digging a hole and pulling a rock in over myself for a bit... well, that didn't work very well. Nor did the Tazmanian devil mental flip out. There's too much good in my life to let the icky bits overtake. So the appointment with the therapist tomorrow holds and I'm cautiously optimistic. At least I'm doing something ~ for me. I plan to splurge on a coffee while I'm out, so no matter how the appointment goes, tomorrow will tip into the "good day" category.
I felt so stupid and embarrassed about the cutting that I didn't go get it looked at or stitched up.
There's a real down side to having the same doc. I knew he'd know immediately that we had a row over AH's appointment and the drinking subject and that I got spun out over it. Much better to stall, let the thing develop infection, then have to call. DOH!!! 
(That 20/20 hindsight of perhaps why he said for me to not confront my husband to start with.) 
Thankfully, I know he won't say "I told you so" or any of that... and will fit me in. [Of course, he's smart enough to look at it and still know how everything went down, but it matters much less this week.]
Through all this craziness, one shiny nugget appeared ~ that I'd fallen right back into my old habit of living in "reactive" mode instead of active mode. And even though we may not have actually made any forward progress on the drinking (though it seems less to excess), we did end up hammering out some other issues and sort of clearing the air in a good way.
Enough with my rambly rambling.
AH is back to beer. I refuse to watch or count, but I haven't seen him glassy-eyed lately. If he drinks too much, stays up too late etc., the consequences are his to deal with. I used to joke to people, including my kids, "I'm not your mama or your maid ~ you deal with it." Of course the kids would respond, "But you are our mama!" And the expected reply was, "Yes, I am. But I'm still not your maid, so *whatever mess* is still yours to clean up." I had to remind myself that I'm neither mama nor maid to this grown man ~ and I don't want to be. He's aware of the dangers of his drinking, my thoughts and feelings about it... but the choice about what he's going to do (or not do) is his. He also knows that if the stress level or chaos gets too toxic for me, I will run like my shoes are on fire.
After digging a hole and pulling a rock in over myself for a bit... well, that didn't work very well. Nor did the Tazmanian devil mental flip out. There's too much good in my life to let the icky bits overtake. So the appointment with the therapist tomorrow holds and I'm cautiously optimistic. At least I'm doing something ~ for me. I plan to splurge on a coffee while I'm out, so no matter how the appointment goes, tomorrow will tip into the "good day" category.
I felt so stupid and embarrassed about the cutting that I didn't go get it looked at or stitched up.
There's a real down side to having the same doc. I knew he'd know immediately that we had a row over AH's appointment and the drinking subject and that I got spun out over it. Much better to stall, let the thing develop infection, then have to call. DOH!!! (That 20/20 hindsight of perhaps why he said for me to not confront my husband to start with.) Thankfully, I know he won't say "I told you so" or any of that... and will fit me in. [Of course, he's smart enough to look at it and still know how everything went down, but it matters much less this week.]Through all this craziness, one shiny nugget appeared ~ that I'd fallen right back into my old habit of living in "reactive" mode instead of active mode. And even though we may not have actually made any forward progress on the drinking (though it seems less to excess), we did end up hammering out some other issues and sort of clearing the air in a good way.
Enough with my rambly rambling.
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