She wants to end the marriage
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: houston tx
Posts: 4
She wants to end the marriage
We have been married 27 years. Its sometimes hard to remember dates or even periods of years as looking back everything appears timeless. But I remember this, In November 2003 we had storm damage to our house, severe damage. Neighbors came over late at night to help put a patch on the roof and clean up water damage. My wife sat on the sofa drinking wine until she lay there asleep while all of this is going on.
This was the proverbial light bulb going off over my head. I knew she drank/we drank but this was the first acceptance I had of a real problem with her drinking.
I honestly can say that there has not been a day in the last ten years that the whole family has not been under the influence of her . Drinking, pills, or trying not to drink or take pills. either one, she was the center of attention.
Ten years later, two rehabs the first out patient the second just 5 months ago in - patient for 37 days. Three surgery's & one auto accident added pain pills to her diet. 10 years of working full time and being Mr. Mom to our three daughters during her low periods and guess what? She informs me over lunch today that it is me that has been at the root of her problems. she wants out of the marriage.
Thank God for Al-Anon I have been going for 5 months. Her consular at rehab advised me to check it out. It defies all logic, the person I care most about just told me good bye and I am not doing that bad.
Hearing people talk at meetings & reading this board has let me know that this is pretty typical behavior for recovering addicts. I kind of expected it(not today though) Self absorbed & uncaring that pretty much sums her up ever sense she got home from rehab.
See about tomorrow when its gets here, today I am OK,
This was the proverbial light bulb going off over my head. I knew she drank/we drank but this was the first acceptance I had of a real problem with her drinking.
I honestly can say that there has not been a day in the last ten years that the whole family has not been under the influence of her . Drinking, pills, or trying not to drink or take pills. either one, she was the center of attention.
Ten years later, two rehabs the first out patient the second just 5 months ago in - patient for 37 days. Three surgery's & one auto accident added pain pills to her diet. 10 years of working full time and being Mr. Mom to our three daughters during her low periods and guess what? She informs me over lunch today that it is me that has been at the root of her problems. she wants out of the marriage.
Thank God for Al-Anon I have been going for 5 months. Her consular at rehab advised me to check it out. It defies all logic, the person I care most about just told me good bye and I am not doing that bad.
Hearing people talk at meetings & reading this board has let me know that this is pretty typical behavior for recovering addicts. I kind of expected it(not today though) Self absorbed & uncaring that pretty much sums her up ever sense she got home from rehab.
See about tomorrow when its gets here, today I am OK,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Glad you are OK today. Hang in there. Mind-baffling aren't they?! I also am thankful for Alanon - it is helping us take better care of ourselves - and helps us to let them fend for themselves (because they certainly don't fend for us.)
I wish you the best - and that one day you look back on this day as one of the biggest blessings you have ever received!
I wish you the best - and that one day you look back on this day as one of the biggest blessings you have ever received!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome, rf1a. I agree - baffling.
But keep in mind, even in recovery, she may change her mind just as easily as she decided to end it with you. Early recovery is bumpy and emotional. She is learning to cope in ways she never had to before. She has to also face a lot of shame and guilt. It's much easier on the ego to blame others!
More will be revealed. I hope you can have some patience and a hefty dose of tolerance right now.
Keep coming back!
~T
But keep in mind, even in recovery, she may change her mind just as easily as she decided to end it with you. Early recovery is bumpy and emotional. She is learning to cope in ways she never had to before. She has to also face a lot of shame and guilt. It's much easier on the ego to blame others!
More will be revealed. I hope you can have some patience and a hefty dose of tolerance right now.
Keep coming back!
~T
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hey,
Sorry for the added chaos, but this may ultimately be a blessing in disguise. Glad you are already hooked up with Al-Anon--you have a leg up on dealing with something like this.
Stick around and keep posting. We are here to support you, too.
Sorry for the added chaos, but this may ultimately be a blessing in disguise. Glad you are already hooked up with Al-Anon--you have a leg up on dealing with something like this.
Stick around and keep posting. We are here to support you, too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Mound MN
Posts: 19
Believe me when I tell you it is not "you" it is her. You are not to be blamed for this disease. It did not strike me until I was 44 years old, it came "out of the blue" . I do not know what set it off, nor do I know how to get rid of it. Please do not blame yourself. I liken it to a demon invasion of my soul. As I continue to pray for myself, I will pray for you and your precious daughters!
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Sorry. 27 years wow! And through all of it for her to do this. Horrible!
But you are right its typical. Selfish life drainers hopefully it all turns around for you.
Give her the space to heal herself while you heal.
Sometimes things just happen for a reason ..hopefully that reason is that you feel whole again.
Bless you
But you are right its typical. Selfish life drainers hopefully it all turns around for you.
Give her the space to heal herself while you heal.
Sometimes things just happen for a reason ..hopefully that reason is that you feel whole again.
Bless you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Sounds like she handed you the gift of freedom - take it. I'm sorry, that sounds quite blunt, and you wonder why she's choosing now after all you've done for her.
But, things don't happen for a reason. I'm sure you have grown and learned much over these years - things you can take with you as you carry on with your life and become even stronger in who you are individually, and not as a person consumed by an alcoholic.
Blessings to you,
C-OH Dad
But, things don't happen for a reason. I'm sure you have grown and learned much over these years - things you can take with you as you carry on with your life and become even stronger in who you are individually, and not as a person consumed by an alcoholic.
Blessings to you,
C-OH Dad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: houston tx
Posts: 4
Thanks to all for the support, I got home after work, she had made dinner! that never happens! Then she went into the bedroom, changed and went to yoga. never ate with us or said she was leaving, stayed out 3 hours, came home took her sleeping pills and went to bed.
Today she wants to meet for lunch, again. To bad I am to busy for that today.
day at a time
Today she wants to meet for lunch, again. To bad I am to busy for that today.
day at a time
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