AH in rehab for third time....help!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 33
AH in rehab for third time....help!
New to this forum, and am just needing advice.
I have been married to my AH for almost 20 years. We have two, teenaged children. Our background is this. When I first married him, things were very different. He was my soul mate. About 10 years ago though, he attempted suicide. When he was taken to the emergency room and checked into the inpatient rehab, I was truly devestated, but vowed to get through this with him. At that time, my kids were still pretty young. Fast forward through the past ten years of him attending pretty regular AA meetings, seeming to try, and me trying to stand by him. Those years have also been punctuated by three more attempts at suicide byhim, jail time for 30 days, and us losing our home, having to move in to my mothers home, (which is huge), and me always having to pick up the peices. Just Saturday, while I was at work, I called home feeling something was wrong. I was correct. He admitted over the phone he had been drinking since 2 am, and that he was scared and needed help. I told my boss, she has always been there through all of this craziness, and raced home feeling like I was going to puke. You know, that feeling like something horrible has happened to you and you dont know how to proceed. He was so drunk he was throwing up on himself. I thought I could sit with him until he sobered up. When he did, he confessed he was trying to drink because his new medication was giving him so much anxiety that it was that or he needed to kill himself. I took him to the nearest hospital and was in tears knowing they were going to check him into another rehab leaving me to deal with everything again. He is self-employed, and makes most of our income. I have a part time job, definately not enough to support our family. Of course, my mom is willing to help me, so I am ok. I left the hospital in tears not knowing which hospital they were going to send him to or anything. Here we are three days later and no one has even called me to tell me what is going on, not even my husband. I know he knows I was done with this, but its so selfish of him to not even try to call and even speak with his kids to tell them hello. I guess I am asking for advice to anyone out there who has been through all of this for years, should I hold a bottom line and just move on? Should I reach out to him at the hospital? I feel like I have been held hostage by his threats to kill himself, and his expressions of deep love for me. He breaks down into tears when he talks about how much he loves me and honestly, it touches my heart. I felt so bad for him this last time as he cried openly. I feel like such a tool to stay. Help me please.
I have been married to my AH for almost 20 years. We have two, teenaged children. Our background is this. When I first married him, things were very different. He was my soul mate. About 10 years ago though, he attempted suicide. When he was taken to the emergency room and checked into the inpatient rehab, I was truly devestated, but vowed to get through this with him. At that time, my kids were still pretty young. Fast forward through the past ten years of him attending pretty regular AA meetings, seeming to try, and me trying to stand by him. Those years have also been punctuated by three more attempts at suicide byhim, jail time for 30 days, and us losing our home, having to move in to my mothers home, (which is huge), and me always having to pick up the peices. Just Saturday, while I was at work, I called home feeling something was wrong. I was correct. He admitted over the phone he had been drinking since 2 am, and that he was scared and needed help. I told my boss, she has always been there through all of this craziness, and raced home feeling like I was going to puke. You know, that feeling like something horrible has happened to you and you dont know how to proceed. He was so drunk he was throwing up on himself. I thought I could sit with him until he sobered up. When he did, he confessed he was trying to drink because his new medication was giving him so much anxiety that it was that or he needed to kill himself. I took him to the nearest hospital and was in tears knowing they were going to check him into another rehab leaving me to deal with everything again. He is self-employed, and makes most of our income. I have a part time job, definately not enough to support our family. Of course, my mom is willing to help me, so I am ok. I left the hospital in tears not knowing which hospital they were going to send him to or anything. Here we are three days later and no one has even called me to tell me what is going on, not even my husband. I know he knows I was done with this, but its so selfish of him to not even try to call and even speak with his kids to tell them hello. I guess I am asking for advice to anyone out there who has been through all of this for years, should I hold a bottom line and just move on? Should I reach out to him at the hospital? I feel like I have been held hostage by his threats to kill himself, and his expressions of deep love for me. He breaks down into tears when he talks about how much he loves me and honestly, it touches my heart. I felt so bad for him this last time as he cried openly. I feel like such a tool to stay. Help me please.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I'm so sorry. I wish there was something you or we could do to help him. It is up to him. He can sort out everything with the hospital - and with you and the kids later on. That is up to him should he choose to deal.
All I can recommend is you make your own days brighter. Make today brighter. That doesn't mean you have to make any sort of decision about him today. Take the kids somewhere fun. Enjoy dinner with friends. Have your nails done. Start a new book. ANYTHING that makes YOU happy.
I wish I had better advice - but you should take care of you. Alanon helped me see this for myself - as well as this forum. - Lots of friendly people here and in Alanon that share your pain. That in itself is sometimes a little relief. Sending you good thoughts.
All I can recommend is you make your own days brighter. Make today brighter. That doesn't mean you have to make any sort of decision about him today. Take the kids somewhere fun. Enjoy dinner with friends. Have your nails done. Start a new book. ANYTHING that makes YOU happy.
I wish I had better advice - but you should take care of you. Alanon helped me see this for myself - as well as this forum. - Lots of friendly people here and in Alanon that share your pain. That in itself is sometimes a little relief. Sending you good thoughts.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 33
Thank you for your kind words. Just reading you say to do something nice for myself made me want to cry. I dont even know how to do that right now. I know you are right, I just am having a hard time thinking about myself. Im so sad. It hurts so much that he hasnt called, but I guess that is the way it goes.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Have you tried calling the hospital, yourself? Depending on his status, he might not be allowed to make calls.
Hugs, sorry you are having to deal with this, yet again. We can't advise you whether to stay or to leave--that's a very personal decision. Have you been to Al-Anon? That can help a great deal in terms of sorting out what you really want for yourself and your kids, going forward.
Hugs, sorry you are having to deal with this, yet again. We can't advise you whether to stay or to leave--that's a very personal decision. Have you been to Al-Anon? That can help a great deal in terms of sorting out what you really want for yourself and your kids, going forward.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 33
LexieCat, I have not called the hospital, I have kind of felt like that might open the door to me trying to get a message in to him. I guess I could.....
Since this recent episode, I am definately going to get to an Al-anon meeting. I might be a basket case there though, LOL.
Is this typically something one would feel a bit like they are going through withdrawls with? I mean, either thats the case, or I am co-dependant and need to learn to live without the constant monitoring of my AH I have grown so accustomed to. If I am co-dependant, I pray that I learn how to break that habbit and be as strong as some on this forum sound like they are.
Since this recent episode, I am definately going to get to an Al-anon meeting. I might be a basket case there though, LOL.
Is this typically something one would feel a bit like they are going through withdrawls with? I mean, either thats the case, or I am co-dependant and need to learn to live without the constant monitoring of my AH I have grown so accustomed to. If I am co-dependant, I pray that I learn how to break that habbit and be as strong as some on this forum sound like they are.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Al-Anon will help you with ALL of that, and do NOT worry about being a "basket case". Most of us were when we first came in--I know *I* was! Nobody will judge you or think badly of you. I've seen a lot of people come in and just cry through their first few meetings. They still get better.
I'm not suggesting you call and ask for his room. Just ask for the nursing station and see if they can tell you his condition and discharge plans. You have a right to know if he is about to be released or if he is going into a rehab or something. Don't leave any messages, just find out what the deal is. You need to be able to plan your life.
Hugs, keep posting, it isn't easy, but there is hope for all of us.
I'm not suggesting you call and ask for his room. Just ask for the nursing station and see if they can tell you his condition and discharge plans. You have a right to know if he is about to be released or if he is going into a rehab or something. Don't leave any messages, just find out what the deal is. You need to be able to plan your life.
Hugs, keep posting, it isn't easy, but there is hope for all of us.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 33
I thought I was confused before, well, good greif, now Im totally not knowing what to do. You can see above my history. I had not heard from him. Well, he just called. He is saying he has been trying and trying to call, but that it is hard to get the one phone on his floor free from all of the people that are there. He apparently had to get his meds under control and the doctors have concluded that it is when his meds are stopped that he freaks out and relapses. He is back on his correct meds and will not leave until they are sure he is stabilized. I dont know what to do. I feel that in my heart, my stupid, non logical heart, that I would like to have him back in our lives and that all that he has said made sense. But, my logical side thinks he should move into a sober living facility where he is free to work but has to go home to the right environment would be better for all of us. We could then do counseling and the kids could feel better than having him pop back in all ready to roll. Has anyone had this much back and fourth in thier supporting an alcoholic spouse? He closed the conversation with how much he loves us, the kids and then me separately, and now I feel tormented. I dont know what to do. I despise my weakness. Where is the tough girl with all of the answers?
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Alcoholism is a "contagious" disease. It affects all of us who love the A, we become as ill as they are. It's not about being weak or tough, we get pulled into the chaos of the disease and it wreaks havoc on us. We become "addicted to the addicted". We can't do anything to save or cure the A, but we can learn to detach and focus on our own recovery. I would highly recommend reading "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.
You can't force your husband into a sober living house, but you can decide what living situation you want for yourself. Set your boundaries, but be prepared to stick to them. Find an AlAnon meeting soon, you will find amazing support in those rooms. Whatever your problems, AlAnon members "get it" and have been through the same or worse. It is a very safe place to process everything.
You can't force your husband into a sober living house, but you can decide what living situation you want for yourself. Set your boundaries, but be prepared to stick to them. Find an AlAnon meeting soon, you will find amazing support in those rooms. Whatever your problems, AlAnon members "get it" and have been through the same or worse. It is a very safe place to process everything.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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It is so good to hear logical advice. From the few people I have trusted and told about the latest installment in my AH adventures, I get advice that clearly comes from a place of love, true, but no experience in these things. I find myself still protective of him if people try to tell me how aweful he is being and how bad this is. Really? Do I not already know how bad this is? I have to keep reminding myself that it doesnt matter what other people think about how I proceed, but what feels right. I feel very strong today. I talked to him, told him how I felt and really encouraged him to work on him first, not us, him. Meanwhile I said I would be working on myself and my kids. Then, I told him very bravely, that I really dont want him back in the house yet. I feel I need time away to do the things I need to do. To really see how I feel. I did tell him ultimately that I wanted to save our marraige, but that it may not be that way in the end. Anyway, I just felt so good and so strong. I felt clear. I slip in and out of that clarity, but its a start.
Sigh, thanks for listening. I am so glad to have found this site. Also, Lexi, thanks for the book suggestion. I am going to go to the library and see if its there. I will end up having to go 40 miles away to get to an Al-Anon meeting, but I would like to check one out and will!
Sigh, thanks for listening. I am so glad to have found this site. Also, Lexi, thanks for the book suggestion. I am going to go to the library and see if its there. I will end up having to go 40 miles away to get to an Al-Anon meeting, but I would like to check one out and will!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 168
It sounds like you are making some good, sound decisions right now. He does need to work on himself and you need to work on you. If he is serious about recovery, he will do what he needs to do to make it happen. Al-Anon is a wonderful support. Also, the book Courage to Change is a must. When I can't get to an Al-Anon Meeting, Courage to Change is always with me. .
Congrats on taking steps toward recovery for yourself.
Congrats on taking steps toward recovery for yourself.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Has your husband been diagnosed with an underlying mental illness? If so is he regularly seeing a psychiatrist?
The multiple suicide attempts are (Obviously) red flags - red flags of something more than alcoholism. Underlying mental illness is very, very common in alcoholism and addiction. You mentioned he is taking meds....
Can't tell you whether to stay on or get off the merry go round - I would get off the merry go round of trying to manage husband's issues. Take Lexie's suggestion - head to Al Anon. Its a lifesaver.
I can relate to your situation a bit - when RAH and I first moved in he at times would talk about suicide. This was a new experience for me in a relationship and not one I care to repeat. There were several times I ran out of work to come home and deal with his issues. It was the most mentally exhausting period of my life. turns out he was undiagnosed Bipolar but being treated for clinical depression (which he doesn't have). Not suggesting your AH is either .....story just rings all too familiar........
The multiple suicide attempts are (Obviously) red flags - red flags of something more than alcoholism. Underlying mental illness is very, very common in alcoholism and addiction. You mentioned he is taking meds....
Can't tell you whether to stay on or get off the merry go round - I would get off the merry go round of trying to manage husband's issues. Take Lexie's suggestion - head to Al Anon. Its a lifesaver.
I can relate to your situation a bit - when RAH and I first moved in he at times would talk about suicide. This was a new experience for me in a relationship and not one I care to repeat. There were several times I ran out of work to come home and deal with his issues. It was the most mentally exhausting period of my life. turns out he was undiagnosed Bipolar but being treated for clinical depression (which he doesn't have). Not suggesting your AH is either .....story just rings all too familiar........
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by patmamma 
I thought I was confused before, well, good greif, now Im totally not knowing what to do. You can see above my history. I had not heard from him. Well, he just called. He is saying he has been trying and trying to call, but that it is hard to get the one phone on his floor free from all of the people that are there. He apparently had to get his meds under control and the doctors have concluded that it is when his meds are stopped that he freaks out and relapses. He is back on his correct meds and will not leave until they are sure he is stabilized. I dont know what to do. I feel that in my heart, my stupid, non logical heart, that I would like to have him back in our lives and that all that he has said made sense. But, my logical side thinks he should move into a sober living facility where he is free to work but has to go home to the right environment would be better for all of us. We could then do counseling and the kids could feel better than having him pop back in all ready to roll. Has anyone had this much back and fourth in thier supporting an alcoholic spouse? He closed the conversation with how much he loves us, the kids and then me separately, and now I feel tormented. I dont know what to do. I despise my weakness. Where is the tough girl with all of the answers?
You can love him from a distance, you can ask him to go to sober living so that you have some time to work on yourself and get help for YOU and the kids. It doesn't have to be permanent. If he loves you all and really truly wants to get and stay sober, he may agree and take matters into his own hands on his own recovery. I'm sorry that you are struggling and suffering today. Alcoholism bites the big one! I will pray for you and your family.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 33
Redlanta, yes, he has been diagnosed the several times he has been in hospital with depression and anxiety. What I am most afraid of is that his medication may not be enough or the right one and we could be back in this position again. Or, it could be too much and he will become a zombie. I realize this may not change, it is hard to face that because of our life we have built together. I get sucked in to worrying about what is going to happen instead of remembering that it doesnt really matter because that is his experience, not mine. Either way, I look at whatever ends up happening as being the beginning of my new life. A life where I am able to be the happy optimist that I used to always be. The nearest Al-Anon meeting is so many miles away, but I am going to start going anyway. You all have made me realize there is this whole support network of people who understand and wont judge me. This sucks because for the most part, I have to walk around acting like nothing is happening, not telling anyone. Yet, its like my world is blown apart.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
It truly is One Day at a Time when we start to make changes. If you look too far ahead, the worry and the "what if's" can get the best of you. All you can do is make good choices for yourself today. Get through today.
In my recent AlAnon meeting we talked about trust and talking with others. It was a great discussion. In a nutshell, when you vent to people who haven't lived with this disease, they can't always understand. They will likely tell you to "get out" and won't understand why you don't just leave. They may focus on the A, agreeing with you about how bad the person is right now. In AlAnon, it's different. We come to understand how the disease affects us as well, and how decisions don't just happen. In AlAnon, we don't focus on the A and what they're doing. You will learn to keep the focus on you and your behaviors, not on the A. You can say anything in that room, it stays in that room.
I'll add one more book since AlAnon is a distance for you. I also have Courage to Change, and read it every morning. "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie is a daily reader like CtoC. I read that one every morning as well. Each reading helps me start my day in the right frame of mind. It may all go to hell later in the day....but at least I start my day on a good foot!
In my recent AlAnon meeting we talked about trust and talking with others. It was a great discussion. In a nutshell, when you vent to people who haven't lived with this disease, they can't always understand. They will likely tell you to "get out" and won't understand why you don't just leave. They may focus on the A, agreeing with you about how bad the person is right now. In AlAnon, it's different. We come to understand how the disease affects us as well, and how decisions don't just happen. In AlAnon, we don't focus on the A and what they're doing. You will learn to keep the focus on you and your behaviors, not on the A. You can say anything in that room, it stays in that room.
I'll add one more book since AlAnon is a distance for you. I also have Courage to Change, and read it every morning. "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie is a daily reader like CtoC. I read that one every morning as well. Each reading helps me start my day in the right frame of mind. It may all go to hell later in the day....but at least I start my day on a good foot!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 33
Wow, Recovering2, and all who have written, the advice you all have given me is amazing! I feel so much stronger! Not all the time, but it sure is different this time! I just got off the phone with my AH, and told him where I am at, and he seems to be really on board with how I am going forward. The greatest thing is that its like, I dont care if he is or he isnt, I am going forward anyway. That sounds so basic to write, but its like a entirely new way of looking at things. The kids are rocking through this for now! That may be harder when he comes around, (for all of us), but its like you all say, one day at a time. Not worrying about the future is like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I pray I stay this focused!!!!!!!
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Hi patmamma, welcome and ((((hugs)))).
One of the first things I learned here and in Alanon is the 3 c's.
I didn't cause it.
I can't control it.
I can't cure it.
My AW's drinking was hers and hers alone. She would not get better until she was ready to get better and commit to some sort of a program.
Accepting that opened the door for me to begin focusing on myself because after all the years of her behavior and me either covering for her or trying to fix it or flying into a rage over it I was as messed up as she was.
My focus was her and I had lost myself. I finally accepted that I needed to get my life back together, that my life was unmanageable and that I needed help every bit as much as she did.
BTW, I too was a basket case when I started Alanon. Here I am, 6'1'', 240 Lbs, weight lifter, martial artist and former Marine and I sat there and cried. Wow.
So don't be afraid to go, I know that this forum and Alanon saved my life.
Also, you may want to consider AlaTeen for your children. Trust me, this situation has been hard on them as well.
Your friend,
One of the first things I learned here and in Alanon is the 3 c's.
I didn't cause it.
I can't control it.
I can't cure it.
My AW's drinking was hers and hers alone. She would not get better until she was ready to get better and commit to some sort of a program.
Accepting that opened the door for me to begin focusing on myself because after all the years of her behavior and me either covering for her or trying to fix it or flying into a rage over it I was as messed up as she was.
My focus was her and I had lost myself. I finally accepted that I needed to get my life back together, that my life was unmanageable and that I needed help every bit as much as she did.
BTW, I too was a basket case when I started Alanon. Here I am, 6'1'', 240 Lbs, weight lifter, martial artist and former Marine and I sat there and cried. Wow.
So don't be afraid to go, I know that this forum and Alanon saved my life.
Also, you may want to consider AlaTeen for your children. Trust me, this situation has been hard on them as well.
Your friend,
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Hey patmama...I'm so glad you're here.
You're definitely among people who 'get it' here...
I remember feeling so isolated when dealing with the effects of alcoholism in my marriage and family. Unless you've lived this, you have no way of really understanding the dymanics of it all.
Al anon literally saved my life and my sanity.
My exah has underlying mental health issues. He had four different admissions to the psych ward but they could never diagnose him. They always told me that it was impossible to accurately diagnose mental illness until the alcoholic remains sober for at least 6 months. They said it was impossible to separate out the mental health issues from the phsysical effects of alcohol on the body.
To this day, my exah is still drinking. He's currently in jail for a very serious offense. He is NOT the man I married.
I wish I had learned years ago how truly powerless I was over his disease.
I also wish I had realized what a devistating effect this illness was having on ME and our son. Al anon helped me to focus on what I can control...which is ME and only ME and to leave my exah to do what he will as far as his recovery goes.
I also got my son started in al ateen at the age of 12. He's 14 now. He's made alot of friends who are dealing with the same types of issues. He's learned alot about the disease of alcoholism. He's participating in a panel discussion at an up coming al anon conference in our area and the title is "Loving the Alcoholic while Hating the Disease". I'm so grateful for the love, help and freindship we have both found at Al Anon and Al Ateen meetings. I encourage you to seek it out for yourself and your kids too.
Hugs...
You're definitely among people who 'get it' here...
I remember feeling so isolated when dealing with the effects of alcoholism in my marriage and family. Unless you've lived this, you have no way of really understanding the dymanics of it all.
Al anon literally saved my life and my sanity.
My exah has underlying mental health issues. He had four different admissions to the psych ward but they could never diagnose him. They always told me that it was impossible to accurately diagnose mental illness until the alcoholic remains sober for at least 6 months. They said it was impossible to separate out the mental health issues from the phsysical effects of alcohol on the body.
To this day, my exah is still drinking. He's currently in jail for a very serious offense. He is NOT the man I married.
I wish I had learned years ago how truly powerless I was over his disease.
I also wish I had realized what a devistating effect this illness was having on ME and our son. Al anon helped me to focus on what I can control...which is ME and only ME and to leave my exah to do what he will as far as his recovery goes.
I also got my son started in al ateen at the age of 12. He's 14 now. He's made alot of friends who are dealing with the same types of issues. He's learned alot about the disease of alcoholism. He's participating in a panel discussion at an up coming al anon conference in our area and the title is "Loving the Alcoholic while Hating the Disease". I'm so grateful for the love, help and freindship we have both found at Al Anon and Al Ateen meetings. I encourage you to seek it out for yourself and your kids too.
Hugs...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
You are headed in the right direction - whatever happens! It is so empowering to really shift our own focus back to a healthy life for ourselves! I also was a basket case in my first Alanon meeting - I think that is how most of us end up there - when we feel hopelees, and as a last ditch effort to fix THEM - HAHAHAHA! Sending you my best - you can get through this, and dare I say - happily!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Hi Patmamma, and welcome to SR!
My goodness, what an outpouring of caring and sharing already in response to your situation! Isn't it such a relief to know you are not alone in your struggles?
I can speak from "both sides of the fence", if you will. I was married to an alcoholic/addict (now deceased), and I have a 35-year-old daughter in active addiction. I have to address my codependency issues on a daily basis.
When my ex went through rehab, and then hit the whiskey and shot dope the same day he was discharged, I knew there was no hope for us. I had to walk away for my own sanity and safety.
I also speak as a long-term recovering alcoholic/alcoholic of 22+ years. I went through rehab shortly after the ex got out. I embraced recovery, and as previously mentioned, he did not.
I relapsed after 4 years, with several factors leading up to it, including being enmeshed in a toxic relationship. Thank God I was only "out there" for two months before I hit a new bottom. I can tell you it was the most miserable two months possible.
I had already been through rehab, and had the tools to get my life back together. I knew what I needed to do. I drug myself up the long flight of stairs to my home AA group and started over.
I believe it was around a year later that I realized I needed to get serious about my mental health issues (I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder/generalized anxiety years before, but refused meds as I was pregnant at the time).
I had a complete psychological evaluation done, and started on medications. That has made a world of difference.
I am responsible for managing my alcoholism/addictions by being involved with 12 step programs, and I am responsible for managing my mental illness by remaining involved with resources in the mental health community (therapy, regular med checks with a psychiatrist).
I also have the daily reader Courage to Change for my morning thoughts/meditation. My small town (3,000) hasn't had an active Alanon meeting for some time now, but recent interest from some new gals has given me hope, and I've accepted the commitment to have a meeting once a week, regardless of who does/doesn't show up.
I am so sorry for your situation, but am so glad you found us. I already see hope on your part in getting through this difficult period. You have definitely landed among friends!
Sending you hugs of support on the mild Kansas winds today, dear!
My goodness, what an outpouring of caring and sharing already in response to your situation! Isn't it such a relief to know you are not alone in your struggles?
I can speak from "both sides of the fence", if you will. I was married to an alcoholic/addict (now deceased), and I have a 35-year-old daughter in active addiction. I have to address my codependency issues on a daily basis.
When my ex went through rehab, and then hit the whiskey and shot dope the same day he was discharged, I knew there was no hope for us. I had to walk away for my own sanity and safety.
I also speak as a long-term recovering alcoholic/alcoholic of 22+ years. I went through rehab shortly after the ex got out. I embraced recovery, and as previously mentioned, he did not.
I relapsed after 4 years, with several factors leading up to it, including being enmeshed in a toxic relationship. Thank God I was only "out there" for two months before I hit a new bottom. I can tell you it was the most miserable two months possible.
I had already been through rehab, and had the tools to get my life back together. I knew what I needed to do. I drug myself up the long flight of stairs to my home AA group and started over.
I believe it was around a year later that I realized I needed to get serious about my mental health issues (I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder/generalized anxiety years before, but refused meds as I was pregnant at the time).
I had a complete psychological evaluation done, and started on medications. That has made a world of difference.
I am responsible for managing my alcoholism/addictions by being involved with 12 step programs, and I am responsible for managing my mental illness by remaining involved with resources in the mental health community (therapy, regular med checks with a psychiatrist).
I also have the daily reader Courage to Change for my morning thoughts/meditation. My small town (3,000) hasn't had an active Alanon meeting for some time now, but recent interest from some new gals has given me hope, and I've accepted the commitment to have a meeting once a week, regardless of who does/doesn't show up.
I am so sorry for your situation, but am so glad you found us. I already see hope on your part in getting through this difficult period. You have definitely landed among friends!
Sending you hugs of support on the mild Kansas winds today, dear!
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