I told him I wanted to leave now what?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I think you are a brave lady. I know how hard it is to reach that decision.
My fears were of the unknown future. I was stepping out into uncertainty. I did it , one day at a time.
You will be okay. We are here to support you.
My fears were of the unknown future. I was stepping out into uncertainty. I did it , one day at a time.
You will be okay. We are here to support you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
May I ask, exactly what is frightening you ?
I have to agree with the others, make a plan, when we face a problem openly, honestly and with a clear head we are less likely to find ourselves second guessing and doubting ourselves. Please know, this does not happen overnight.
Perhaps you could start by making copies of all important documents. Open your own bank account. Price out housing in the area you will be living. Talk with friends and family, I was pleasanly surprised by the support they offered. Perhaps someone in your immediate circle may have some housing referrals.
Usually it is the financial aspects that cause us such worry. But there are always options, roommates, shared housing, moving in with family. Where there is a will there is a way. And remember sometimes we just have to give time,.... time.
Baby steps, friend.
I have to agree with the others, make a plan, when we face a problem openly, honestly and with a clear head we are less likely to find ourselves second guessing and doubting ourselves. Please know, this does not happen overnight.
Perhaps you could start by making copies of all important documents. Open your own bank account. Price out housing in the area you will be living. Talk with friends and family, I was pleasanly surprised by the support they offered. Perhaps someone in your immediate circle may have some housing referrals.
Usually it is the financial aspects that cause us such worry. But there are always options, roommates, shared housing, moving in with family. Where there is a will there is a way. And remember sometimes we just have to give time,.... time.
Baby steps, friend.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Fear is: "false evidence appearing real". If you can keep your focus as much on today as possible, it will be a big help. Make a list of things that must be done by order of importance. It's scary, I know, but everyone here will support you. And, Alanon is the biggest help of all, so much support.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
Change is always scary, but that doesn't mean that it isn't a good idea to make the change.
Saying you wanted to leave wasn't a rash decision, most likely for a long time you have wanted to leave. You have finally reached your limit, and that is a great feeling, even if there is a lot of unknown and uncertainty in the future.
I agree with everyone that lists helped me keep things in perspective. When I would look at it as a whole I would have an anxiety attack and feel helpless, when I had a list I was able to realize everything was manageable, as long as I took it one step at a time.
Get all your documents in a safe place, sometimes our loved ones will get restentful that we are leaving and try to destroy needed to documents to make us stay. I would also get all my money to a safe place so that nothing can happen to any of it. Reach out to your family and good friends, chances are they will be very supportive and happy you are getting out of this situation.
After you have everything in order, go apartment/house shopping! You might be surpised how liberating it will feel to go look at places that will be YOURS. I loved being able to pick what I wanted without having to hear all the quacking of why every place wasn't "good enough" from my A.
No matter what, remember that this is a good thing! You're taking steps to take back your life, you deserve to be happy and free!
Saying you wanted to leave wasn't a rash decision, most likely for a long time you have wanted to leave. You have finally reached your limit, and that is a great feeling, even if there is a lot of unknown and uncertainty in the future.
I agree with everyone that lists helped me keep things in perspective. When I would look at it as a whole I would have an anxiety attack and feel helpless, when I had a list I was able to realize everything was manageable, as long as I took it one step at a time.
Get all your documents in a safe place, sometimes our loved ones will get restentful that we are leaving and try to destroy needed to documents to make us stay. I would also get all my money to a safe place so that nothing can happen to any of it. Reach out to your family and good friends, chances are they will be very supportive and happy you are getting out of this situation.
After you have everything in order, go apartment/house shopping! You might be surpised how liberating it will feel to go look at places that will be YOURS. I loved being able to pick what I wanted without having to hear all the quacking of why every place wasn't "good enough" from my A.
No matter what, remember that this is a good thing! You're taking steps to take back your life, you deserve to be happy and free!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
My fear is of the unknown and that he does/will not fight for us. There is not a whole lot more I can do in this relationship and I do not wish to live in a marriage that is full of Animosity.
When I got sick a couple of years ago I was not able to work and now jobs are scarce and I cannot find a full time job to support myself let alone 3 kids. (husband and a couple of my sisters headed for the hills when I got sick)
I have asked him if this is what he wants and invited him to counseling with me but he is Ignoring me and refuses to talk to me. This has been going on for a long time and of course it is all my fault. My support system is weak at best so yes This is very scary for me.
I do have a couple of plans i guess i just have to implement them.
When I got sick a couple of years ago I was not able to work and now jobs are scarce and I cannot find a full time job to support myself let alone 3 kids. (husband and a couple of my sisters headed for the hills when I got sick)
I have asked him if this is what he wants and invited him to counseling with me but he is Ignoring me and refuses to talk to me. This has been going on for a long time and of course it is all my fault. My support system is weak at best so yes This is very scary for me.
I do have a couple of plans i guess i just have to implement them.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Cricket, this hangs on my computer monitor so I can read it everyday:
There is no such thing as a fear-free path.
In fact, often the paths leading to the greatest joy and growth feel the most fearful.
Happily, the best things in life are waiting for you at the exit ramp of your comfort zone.
Peace,
~T
There is no such thing as a fear-free path.
In fact, often the paths leading to the greatest joy and growth feel the most fearful.
Happily, the best things in life are waiting for you at the exit ramp of your comfort zone.
Peace,
~T
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Cricket, a small list from memory from when I moved out on my wife.
1. My own credit card and bank account that she didn't know about.
2. Copies of all important papers.
3. Keys, make sure I had keys to everything.
4. Signon information to all my online sites like banking, pensions, insurance and so on.
5. A list of places where I could rent and check them out ahead of time.
6. Not on my list but check with a lawyer to find out what the child support laws are in your state. My kids were all ready grown and had their own families.
I'm sure you'll think of more but this is a good start.
Your friend,
1. My own credit card and bank account that she didn't know about.
2. Copies of all important papers.
3. Keys, make sure I had keys to everything.
4. Signon information to all my online sites like banking, pensions, insurance and so on.
5. A list of places where I could rent and check them out ahead of time.
6. Not on my list but check with a lawyer to find out what the child support laws are in your state. My kids were all ready grown and had their own families.
I'm sure you'll think of more but this is a good start.
Your friend,
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