struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: tillsonburg, ontario
Posts: 3
struggling
I just found this site while surfing to find something!! i cant get out to meetings very often as i live in a small town and have a job that has me out working in the public so i am not comfortable seeking recovery and support so close to home.
I seem to deteriorate every time my daughter has another of her "crisis" and it is getting harder and harder to maintain my own happiness and balance...as a recovering alcoholic i know that she has to want to get help....as a mother i feel the need to help my child no matter her age...by deteriorate i mean i just dont sleep well...dont eat right...am stressed and anxious and worry....i have a supportive husband who is not my daughters father and who knows nothing about alcoholism or mental health issues....i just need to hear from others....my daughter is 24 ....alcoholic, drug user, bulimic,,,and adhd...i am heartbroken at how she lives...i just dont understand her choices,,,,and i am always waiting for "the call".....to let me know she has been killed or killed herself....and i am angry that this is how my daughter is! i worked hard to get and stay sober and make a good life..she was raised in sobriety...and has soo much support of family and loved ones....co workers gush about what their 24 yr old daughters are doing and i just get busy so i dont have to participate in the conversations...i would love to havethe big university or wedding bills that they complain about.....i sound like its all about me i know..but it was easier when it was me needing to recover....i wanted it so bad...and i want it so bad for her...but most days she wont even admit theres a problem...
I seem to deteriorate every time my daughter has another of her "crisis" and it is getting harder and harder to maintain my own happiness and balance...as a recovering alcoholic i know that she has to want to get help....as a mother i feel the need to help my child no matter her age...by deteriorate i mean i just dont sleep well...dont eat right...am stressed and anxious and worry....i have a supportive husband who is not my daughters father and who knows nothing about alcoholism or mental health issues....i just need to hear from others....my daughter is 24 ....alcoholic, drug user, bulimic,,,and adhd...i am heartbroken at how she lives...i just dont understand her choices,,,,and i am always waiting for "the call".....to let me know she has been killed or killed herself....and i am angry that this is how my daughter is! i worked hard to get and stay sober and make a good life..she was raised in sobriety...and has soo much support of family and loved ones....co workers gush about what their 24 yr old daughters are doing and i just get busy so i dont have to participate in the conversations...i would love to havethe big university or wedding bills that they complain about.....i sound like its all about me i know..but it was easier when it was me needing to recover....i wanted it so bad...and i want it so bad for her...but most days she wont even admit theres a problem...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Glad you found us!
As a recovering A yourself you know first hand that she has to want it and she just isn't there yet.
I understand you are nervous about being in a small town - Al Anon is anonymous. The perspective of things is what is more important, that you suffer the way you are or that you get the help and support you need with a road map of how to detach from your daughter and her problems so you can LIVE? While we cannot make anyone achieve sobriety recovering from our own codependency and enabling does help the alcoholic.
I believe there is an Al Anon meeting online affiliated with SR - I think it meets on thursday nights??
Post often and educate yourself on codepency and enabling. More will be along to offer advice!
As a recovering A yourself you know first hand that she has to want it and she just isn't there yet.
I understand you are nervous about being in a small town - Al Anon is anonymous. The perspective of things is what is more important, that you suffer the way you are or that you get the help and support you need with a road map of how to detach from your daughter and her problems so you can LIVE? While we cannot make anyone achieve sobriety recovering from our own codependency and enabling does help the alcoholic.
I believe there is an Al Anon meeting online affiliated with SR - I think it meets on thursday nights??
Post often and educate yourself on codepency and enabling. More will be along to offer advice!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, Daisy, and welcome!
There are a lot of "double winners" here--people in AA and Al-Anon.
Try to think back to the time BEFORE you were ready to recover--I'm sure there was a lot of suffering you went through before you faced up to your problem and were ready to get help. You've heard the stories in the rooms, too, no doubt--for some people it seems to take a lot longer before they hit that point where they are able to accept what they need to do.
I've been in a couple of marriages to alcoholics, and am four and a half years sober myself, so I've seen both sides of the alcohol problem. It's a little different, I'm sure, when it's your child--it was appropriate, at one time, to do things for them and to protect them. It's hard to let go of the urge to keep doing that, but continuing to do so is probably doing neither her, nor you, any good.
Please try to find a meeting. You will meet other parents struggling with the same kinds of problems--a reminder that not everyone has only "little" problems like wedding plans.
There are a lot of "double winners" here--people in AA and Al-Anon.
Try to think back to the time BEFORE you were ready to recover--I'm sure there was a lot of suffering you went through before you faced up to your problem and were ready to get help. You've heard the stories in the rooms, too, no doubt--for some people it seems to take a lot longer before they hit that point where they are able to accept what they need to do.
I've been in a couple of marriages to alcoholics, and am four and a half years sober myself, so I've seen both sides of the alcohol problem. It's a little different, I'm sure, when it's your child--it was appropriate, at one time, to do things for them and to protect them. It's hard to let go of the urge to keep doing that, but continuing to do so is probably doing neither her, nor you, any good.
Please try to find a meeting. You will meet other parents struggling with the same kinds of problems--a reminder that not everyone has only "little" problems like wedding plans.
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