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I guess I am not what you wanted

Old 02-05-2013, 07:29 PM
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I guess I am not what you wanted

Hi my SR family. My AW is gone for the week searching for her bliss. I am realizing it is not me. She wants the fast high life. I want a quiet tranquil life, a good dog, and a nice long motorcycle ride. She is an artist (very good I might add) I am a country boy. Had a great dinner with my kids tonight, laughing, really enjoying each others company. It is such a blessing to have them. She is missing out. I am missing her. This song pretty much sums it up
Aaron Lewis - Please - YouTube

what a waste

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Old 02-05-2013, 09:10 PM
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I'm glad you had an enjoyable evening with the kids.

((hugs)) as you deal with the rest.
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Old 02-05-2013, 09:28 PM
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so, my wife left the first time 12 years and I had four kids from 8-16 to raise alone. As difficult and scary as it was to begin with I was so grateful I had the energy, desire and ability to be an outstanding dad to my kids. Six months later she comes back and we do ok, till the last kid leaves for college, then hell begins full scale again. This time she left last July and of course blames me for everything. My 3 oldest kids are college graduates and all doing good. They are all pissed at mom leaving me again. I don't need to say anything bad about her, her actions speak loud and clear. today is her 50 year old B'day. She texted this morning and said she is miserable and so lonely and so sad to be alone on her birthday. Almost, just almost sucked me in, then i remembered: I don't HAVE to respond, I do like being free!
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Old 02-05-2013, 09:48 PM
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Grizz, you are
1. A responsible man
2. A good father
3. A faithful partner
4. Someone who chooses to grow

She is
1. A drunk

I know your post, I know those kinds of thoughts you find yourself thinking. I thought the same, many years ago, when my alcoholic so resented me for not being willing to pack up and move with him to Hawaii (the alcoholic mecca). I remember what he called me: a "homebody." That is alcoholic-speak for someone who thinks being drunk on a beach is unrewarding.

Do not go there in your head, grizz, thinking she's a creative free spirit and you're just a lump on a bike with a dog keeping up. It's amazing the magic show the alcoholic performs. How do they do it? They actually convince their partners they are superior to them....It happened to me and I see it on the faces of people in Al-Anon meetings all the time. People who stopped believing they were wonderful because the alcoholic managed to pull a fake rabbit out of a fake hat and convince them that he or she was very very very special. And they were not.

What she wants is plenty room to drink.

I hear Alaska has it. Maybe you could buy her a ticket.
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Old 02-05-2013, 10:28 PM
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Keep having fun with your kids! Dogs are amazing and I love mine more than anything ever! It is hard and days like today I miss my ex-abf but then I talk to a friend that helps me remember why we are not together and what he did. It was not okay but life is going to be great working on going forward. She is missing out so for that there will be another woman that will treat you good and not want to miss out! That is my thought about my life at least. Take care...
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Old 02-05-2013, 11:27 PM
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Originally Posted by EnglishGarden View Post
I hear Alaska has it. Maybe you could buy her a ticket.
Please, no. We have our share here already!

Grizz, your post broke my heart. Just know that someday, she will regret her choices.

Hugs,
~T
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Old 02-06-2013, 02:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
Please, no. We have our share here already!

Grizz, your post broke my heart. Just know that someday, she will regret her choices.

Hugs,
~T
Same here.

But you do realise it's not a question about you not being she wanted, but is she what you want? You had children together. That requires a commitment to settle down and happily let go of the fast high life, and a shift in priorities. You both made the decision to have children, but you are the only one living up to the commitment.

I have a friend who sounds like your wife. As she is a single mother, this is a huge problem and her child is greatly affected. It is her partner who is the alcoholic, though from the state she was in the last few times I saw her, it looks like she's not far behind. She has a small daughter, and little interest in giving up her party life to look after and be a good role model for her.

Luckily your children have a stable home life with a reliable and caring father. You sound like a really good man and when your wife burns out from all that partying perhaps she will realise what she's lost. Or not. Either way, be content in your choices. The way you choose to spend your time sounds pretty ideal to me.
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Old 02-06-2013, 03:48 AM
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While they are in their disease they don't have the ability to feel remorse. They have the "isms" of alcoholism- I, self, and ME ! "Let go or be dragged"- a Zen quote I read on SR !
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Old 02-06-2013, 05:51 AM
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Thank you all for your kinds words and encouragement. I am so blessed to have 4 wonderful adult children. Last night was hard, but guess what...the sun came up today!

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Old 02-06-2013, 09:34 AM
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Kids and Dogs are what it is all about truly- the love we get from them is awesome! Some days are tougher than others but you know what - the sun does come up again and it is beautiful! Sending hugs -
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Old 02-06-2013, 10:16 AM
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Grizz
I totally relate. I want a tranquil quiet life too but the axbf just wanted to party, party, party it up at every bar in town... I was told he wanted someone more sociable and outgoing (to sit next to him on the bar stool) someday we will find mature people who are better suited for us (I hope!)
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Old 02-06-2013, 10:24 AM
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((grizz))

during my recovery journey ~ an exercise that was shared with me was to focus on "enough" ~ that everything was enough - just as it was right now - that my home was enough, my vehicle was enough, my job was enough, my bank account was enough, my weight was enough, my healthy was enough -

Basically to learn that I am enough - just as I am today - and if the people in my life couldn't accept me as I was ~ then maybe they were not exactly healthy enough for me?

It didn't mean I didn't need to continue searching and growning in all areas of my life - but it also helped me learn about contentment and acceptance. And that truly I was enough and if someone was healthy that could accept me - just as my HP had made me ~

just my e, s, & h - please keep taking good care of you~

Pink hugs ~
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