Charlie0414

Well, my alcoholic boyfriend last night sends me a text message, I've seem someone else... I'm shocked, don't know what to do. I'm like for how long, how many date and did you sleep with her? Valid questions. He tells me about a week, and they weren't date, No I didn't sleep with her. I could do it I told her about you. Yeah BUT when? He didn't answer that either.
He tells me she knows what I am going through. Well I'm trying to help I told him I was going to start going to al-anon meetings. I still love him and can't think about losing him. I told him, I can't trust you as long as your with her but I can't tell you to not be friends with her because then I'm the bitchy controlling gf who wont let be friends with her. I asked questions and he avoided name. I asked 5 times. So I said to him that he lied to me. He must have told me he was doing something else but was really with her.
I know this really has nothing to do with this website but I don't have any gfs to talk to about this. I've never had a lot of gf to talk to you. What shall I do? I believe him when he says he hadn't slept her. If he straight up told me about her in the first place I wouldn't have cared. I've ex boyfriends cheat on me and I just don't know what to do.

Charlie0414

Oh not to mention he relapsed the day before, I asked him if this was why he told me I don't know. Well I know him very well, well I thought I did and I think this is why.

marie1960

For starters you cannot help him, he is an adult he gets to choose. We do not have any power or control over another.

I understand that you may love him and do not want to lose him, but it sounds like he is moving on........ let it go........ nothing you can do about his choices.

But you can choose better for yourself. It really is ok to love, honor and respect yourself. Look for a partner who is available and willing to commit to you.

Sorry you are hurting, but these things happen in life. This may be a blessing in disguise.

SparkleKitty

I'm so sorry you've had such devastating news. I hope you can take a step back from the drama and worries about the future to take care of yourself.

Sungrl

Hi Charlie, I am so sorry he is telling you this via text. That seems to be kind of cowardly. Actually, not properly ending things with you before seeing someone else is pretty crappy too. He may not have slept with her, but emtional affairs are just as bad, sometimes worse.Now that you do know and I'm sure you are a much better person then he. My first thought is this...just my opinion remember... text him back. Say thanks for letting me know, I appreciate your honesty, and you can understand why I can no longer continue to waste my time on you and wish him good luck in the future. He did you a favor. I promise.

MeetJohnDoe

Look deep within yourself. Why are you still with him? He's betrayed you. How can you trust him? He is trying to control you. You seem to be trying to save him. Only he can save himself. Find the courage to expect and demand and achieve what you deserve. He isn't it. Anyone who treats you like that is bad news. Take care of yourself.

Charlie0414

Thank you for all your help you guys, I've decided to hear him out in person, I am generally a nice person and I have never asked about attraction to her. But he says he will fix this. So I will talk to him about it more in depth. I didn't get much of a visit with my Aunt and Uncle because he upset me a bit. But my cousin we are having a good conversation nice visit.

Leise - I never asked him change anything about him. He has decided to change himself. I have realized from past relationships that you can't change a man... eventually they will just go back to who they were. That was my ex-fiancé I asked him to change and he did for awhile but went right back to his old ways.

dollydo

There are too many men out there who do not do drugs, who do not cheat, who do not lie about everything. Let him go, he has moved on, do your self a favor, he is not Mr. Right.

I am sorry that you are in pain, however, this too shall pass.

Recovering2

When someone shows you who they are .... believe them.

He is an Alcoholic. They will lie, cheat, manipulate,cajole, whatever it takes to get what they want. He will likely tell you what you want to hear, and not the whole truth. You have to decide what YOU want for you. It doesn't really matter what his excuse is in the end. Do you want a life with an active Alcoholic who will see someone else when you're not around? And tell you via text message? Is that the relationship you dream of?

People will treat you the way you allow them to. You need to think about what is and is not acceptable to you...and set firm boundaries.

fluffyflea

RUN thats what you do. Why put yourself through that? Plus he lied to you.

redatlanta

I smell a rat - why cover up that he met a new friend? Omission is a lie - people omit when there is a reason to not just for the hell of it.

I am with all the above especially Earthworm. Run.

gfwhoneverknew

Charlie..just wondering what the latest is in ur relationship cuz I didn't see a newer post. My bf is recovering addict as well and I understand some of what ur explaining. I will b honest and say I don't like him saying that in a text...how old is he? I've been in a few relationships w men that shouldn't even call themselves men lol. If he truly loves u or is that stage, I don't believe this woulda happened esp. In text format ya know? Hope all is well and remember some guys or people for that matter are limited on capabilities and its NOTYOU...its them!!