As my username suggests - I'm just fed up!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26
As my username suggests - I'm just fed up!
Hi everyone I'm new here. I wanted to find a place where I could vent and write down my thoughts.
I don't know where to start really....... I'll go for the now >
I'm currently sat at home with my AH (that does mean Alcoholic Husband? right?)
I'm sat here terrified just waiting for something bad to happen while he's oblivious on the bed but not because he's drunk - he's doing a home detox! (the second in little less than a month) A Doctor came to our flat earlier tonight - pumped my husband full of IV benzo's and other stuff, stayed for 30 mins then went - leaving me to basically 'get on with it' It's so so dangerous, and to top it off I'm in a foreign country and don't speak the language very well if I have to call an ambulance (I'll probably manage as I've got it written down what I need to say but so not the point) Honest I'm so angry with him, I obviously don't want anything to happen to him tonight but at the same time I could just go over and strangle him (I'm joking... I think)
I'll give a little background now I've got that off my chest......
He's been an alcoholic for around 7 years on and off, he has told me what pushed him towards abusing alcohol and to be honest it probably would have taken me a lot less than what he's been through.
He hasn't been drinking all of that time, he has long periods of sobriety then spectacular self destruct sessions (as I call his binging)
So he'd been dry almost 7 months after having a disulfiram implant, then he had a death in his close family in early Jan this year- it really threw him as it was the first person he's lost so close to him. Prior to that, he'd been speaking about doing a test to see if his implant was still working (Dr says 12 months but not for everyone, his last was clear after 10 mths) maybe in april time but he got tested in Jan - as you can probably guess it was clear - No disulfiram in his system.
So he started and drank constantly for 2 weeks - decided he'd had enough (he very quickly can't function) so we done the first detox - during which not only did I have to physically stop him from choking to death but I logged everything down to show him afterwards (I was worried about it from the beginning) He seemed quite shocked and concerned when I spoke to him about it so I thought he wouldn't put us in the position of needing to do it again........ How wrong I was. I don't know why I'm surprised anymore really - He's previously had alcohol withdrawal seizures and thats not enough to stop his relapsing.
Here we are again (well actually no!-here I am as like I said he's oblivious) because he wanted a few beers.... not the last friday just gone but the one before!! Of course earlier today I got.... 'I know I can't just have a few beers, I'm not ready, I need to leave a bigger gap before trying again' He absolutely does not accept that at the age of 31 he will never be able to drink alcohol again - it must be tough I'll admit that but he sure as hell can't continue what he is doing.
Thank you for reading, if you got this far.
I don't know where to start really....... I'll go for the now >
I'm currently sat at home with my AH (that does mean Alcoholic Husband? right?)
I'm sat here terrified just waiting for something bad to happen while he's oblivious on the bed but not because he's drunk - he's doing a home detox! (the second in little less than a month) A Doctor came to our flat earlier tonight - pumped my husband full of IV benzo's and other stuff, stayed for 30 mins then went - leaving me to basically 'get on with it' It's so so dangerous, and to top it off I'm in a foreign country and don't speak the language very well if I have to call an ambulance (I'll probably manage as I've got it written down what I need to say but so not the point) Honest I'm so angry with him, I obviously don't want anything to happen to him tonight but at the same time I could just go over and strangle him (I'm joking... I think)
I'll give a little background now I've got that off my chest......
He's been an alcoholic for around 7 years on and off, he has told me what pushed him towards abusing alcohol and to be honest it probably would have taken me a lot less than what he's been through.
He hasn't been drinking all of that time, he has long periods of sobriety then spectacular self destruct sessions (as I call his binging)
So he'd been dry almost 7 months after having a disulfiram implant, then he had a death in his close family in early Jan this year- it really threw him as it was the first person he's lost so close to him. Prior to that, he'd been speaking about doing a test to see if his implant was still working (Dr says 12 months but not for everyone, his last was clear after 10 mths) maybe in april time but he got tested in Jan - as you can probably guess it was clear - No disulfiram in his system.
So he started and drank constantly for 2 weeks - decided he'd had enough (he very quickly can't function) so we done the first detox - during which not only did I have to physically stop him from choking to death but I logged everything down to show him afterwards (I was worried about it from the beginning) He seemed quite shocked and concerned when I spoke to him about it so I thought he wouldn't put us in the position of needing to do it again........ How wrong I was. I don't know why I'm surprised anymore really - He's previously had alcohol withdrawal seizures and thats not enough to stop his relapsing.
Here we are again (well actually no!-here I am as like I said he's oblivious) because he wanted a few beers.... not the last friday just gone but the one before!! Of course earlier today I got.... 'I know I can't just have a few beers, I'm not ready, I need to leave a bigger gap before trying again' He absolutely does not accept that at the age of 31 he will never be able to drink alcohol again - it must be tough I'll admit that but he sure as hell can't continue what he is doing.
Thank you for reading, if you got this far.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 210
We all choose our own misery, you certainly have the choice to walk out and start a new life sans the drunkard. In the grand scheme of things he can't drink the rest of his life - so try and help him get through one hour, one day at a time.
Btw - he's not an off and on alcoholic he's an alcoholic period.
Good luck and don't put up with any $hit
Btw - he's not an off and on alcoholic he's an alcoholic period.
Good luck and don't put up with any $hit
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Yes, Fedupfrog, we did get that far, and we'll be with you as far and as long as you want us to be. I came to SoberRecovery in June before leaving my AH - alcoholic husband - of almost 20 years on July 4th, and this forum is a major reason that I am as whole as I am today.
It seemed like a miracle to me to have people here who understand me and what I am going through.
As for the detox, if you don't feel comfortable at any moment, if it were me, I'd call the emergency people to come and take your AH to be under proper medical supervision. While your AH may think it is fine for you to attend to him as he detoxes, it is really up to you to decide whether you want that responsibility or not.
If you haven't come to SoberRecovery much yet, you might want to read the "stickies" at the top of the Friends and Family Forum index page. They are collections of the best, most useful posts on a variety of topics, and they are very instructive and helpful.
When I came here, people told me the 3 "C's" about alcoholism:
You didn't cause it;
You can't control it; and
You can't cure it.
Learning that was a relief, though it took me a long time for it really to sink in.
Take care, post as often as you want, we'll be here.
ShootingStar1
It seemed like a miracle to me to have people here who understand me and what I am going through.
As for the detox, if you don't feel comfortable at any moment, if it were me, I'd call the emergency people to come and take your AH to be under proper medical supervision. While your AH may think it is fine for you to attend to him as he detoxes, it is really up to you to decide whether you want that responsibility or not.
If you haven't come to SoberRecovery much yet, you might want to read the "stickies" at the top of the Friends and Family Forum index page. They are collections of the best, most useful posts on a variety of topics, and they are very instructive and helpful.
When I came here, people told me the 3 "C's" about alcoholism:
You didn't cause it;
You can't control it; and
You can't cure it.
Learning that was a relief, though it took me a long time for it really to sink in.
Take care, post as often as you want, we'll be here.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Dear Fedupfrog, glad you found this site. Sorry for your situation however.
You are not your AH's keeper, and not responsible for his detox. You're correct, detox can be dangerous and not something you should have to take on. I helped my ABF detox on 2 occasions. He got Valium from his Dr, I would give it to him and monitior him while he shook his anxious way through it. The last time was the last time. I told him I would not participate again, if he needed detox then he needed to go to the ED or a treatment facility. He didn't believe me, until he asked me to help again, and I said NO. By that time I had been going to a counselor, and was learning to detach from his behaviors. I was scared he would detox alone, but I had to let it happen. He finally got into treatment.
You didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it. You can only take care of you. Taking care of him only enables him to continue his denial. Sounds like even when he's sober, he's not working an actual program of recovery. That's called a "dry drunk" and it can't last. He needs to find recovery, so stresses don't push him back to drinking.
I hope you can find AlAnon in your area, and keep posting/reading here.
You are not your AH's keeper, and not responsible for his detox. You're correct, detox can be dangerous and not something you should have to take on. I helped my ABF detox on 2 occasions. He got Valium from his Dr, I would give it to him and monitior him while he shook his anxious way through it. The last time was the last time. I told him I would not participate again, if he needed detox then he needed to go to the ED or a treatment facility. He didn't believe me, until he asked me to help again, and I said NO. By that time I had been going to a counselor, and was learning to detach from his behaviors. I was scared he would detox alone, but I had to let it happen. He finally got into treatment.
You didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it. You can only take care of you. Taking care of him only enables him to continue his denial. Sounds like even when he's sober, he's not working an actual program of recovery. That's called a "dry drunk" and it can't last. He needs to find recovery, so stresses don't push him back to drinking.
I hope you can find AlAnon in your area, and keep posting/reading here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26
Thank you for reading and the replies.
I haven't had a chance to have a good read yet, but I will.
I've heard the 3 C's before- very wise words.
I have my own the 3 F's What I regularly chant to my H >
It's not my Fault
I can't Force you
I can't Fix you
Regarding the detox - he asked me to do it again as he had enough by today, reluctantly I agreed as I know he won't/can't stop without proper help. The emergency services/A&E in this country don't really give a rats a** about people's troubles with alcohol (unless of course you have money to pay for it) so they wouldn't take him unless it was an definite life or death emergency. I'd actually be charged if I called them now because I'm scared/worried about him, even though he's vomiting in his drug induced sleep, keeps rolling to his back then I have to try and reposition him, that takes some doing as he's much bigger than me
Hence why the home detox Dr is so popular here - for £120 he'll take your pain away in the comfort of your own home (while you blissfully sleep unaware of what hell your W is going through) It's shocking really, the UK don't even allow you to have tablet form of benzo's during a detox at home - that's considered too dangerous, I don't know what they'd make of this
I haven't had a chance to have a good read yet, but I will.
I've heard the 3 C's before- very wise words.
I have my own the 3 F's What I regularly chant to my H >
It's not my Fault
I can't Force you
I can't Fix you
Regarding the detox - he asked me to do it again as he had enough by today, reluctantly I agreed as I know he won't/can't stop without proper help. The emergency services/A&E in this country don't really give a rats a** about people's troubles with alcohol (unless of course you have money to pay for it) so they wouldn't take him unless it was an definite life or death emergency. I'd actually be charged if I called them now because I'm scared/worried about him, even though he's vomiting in his drug induced sleep, keeps rolling to his back then I have to try and reposition him, that takes some doing as he's much bigger than me
Hence why the home detox Dr is so popular here - for £120 he'll take your pain away in the comfort of your own home (while you blissfully sleep unaware of what hell your W is going through) It's shocking really, the UK don't even allow you to have tablet form of benzo's during a detox at home - that's considered too dangerous, I don't know what they'd make of this
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Oh my gosh - he is vomiting in his sleep and the hospitals won't help?
I could cry for you right now. This is so unfair for you to have to be going through - but you are in the midst of it so I don't suppose there is anything you can do right now except continue what you are doing. I will send prayers that your AH makes it ok through the night.
As for you - tomorrow needs to be the START of your recovery. Maybe it started tonight when you joined SR. Recovery from codependence and enabling is paramount for your future. Its paramount for your husband's future - this needs to be the LAST night you ever go through what's happening right now.
Post often - read as much as you can and educate yourself. We are all here for you.
I could cry for you right now. This is so unfair for you to have to be going through - but you are in the midst of it so I don't suppose there is anything you can do right now except continue what you are doing. I will send prayers that your AH makes it ok through the night.
As for you - tomorrow needs to be the START of your recovery. Maybe it started tonight when you joined SR. Recovery from codependence and enabling is paramount for your future. Its paramount for your husband's future - this needs to be the LAST night you ever go through what's happening right now.
Post often - read as much as you can and educate yourself. We are all here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26
Thank you!
Nope! hospital probably won't take him for just this reason, paramedics will come, see he's not dying/dead (and that it's self inflicted) maybe give him a shot of something and charge me for the pleasure :@ - I can move him to his side, he's forced into the recovery position now as I type - he's not aware he's moving around as he's still under a kind of sedation with whatever huge dose of benzo he was given earlier (diazepam or chlordiazipoxide?) The vomiting has slowed down now though so will hopefully stop soon.
It's 00.45 here in Poland - I'm in for a long night.
Nope! hospital probably won't take him for just this reason, paramedics will come, see he's not dying/dead (and that it's self inflicted) maybe give him a shot of something and charge me for the pleasure :@ - I can move him to his side, he's forced into the recovery position now as I type - he's not aware he's moving around as he's still under a kind of sedation with whatever huge dose of benzo he was given earlier (diazepam or chlordiazipoxide?) The vomiting has slowed down now though so will hopefully stop soon.
It's 00.45 here in Poland - I'm in for a long night.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26
An update
We got through the home detox without any major problems (thank you god!)
For the last few days he's been slowly coming round to managing life without alcohol.
We had a blip today when we went shopping - before we went he 'jokingly' mentioned he'd kill for a beer - just 1
Hmmm! To which I didn't even grace him with a reply.
While we were shopping he asked if he could get some and wanted my permission/gauge my reaction - absolutely no chance but I don't see why I should 'parent' him and veto his decisions, he's an adult and has to learn to do the right thing by himself. All I said was 'I don't think it's a good idea, you've just detoxed for gods sake!' and that if he decided to bring alcohol into the house, which is his choice, then my choice would be to go and stay at our other flat because I can't cope again with his Jekyl and Hyde behaviour. I left it there and continued shopping expecting him to come after me and add a four pack to the basket......
He didn't! we got home and he immediately took one of his antabuse (disulfiram) tablets. So for now it's pointless for him to even think about the evil poison.
He's made himself an appt with the GP tomorrow to speak about his mental health and request to be referred to counselling or where ever.
So Frog is a little less fed up today
We got through the home detox without any major problems (thank you god!)
For the last few days he's been slowly coming round to managing life without alcohol.
We had a blip today when we went shopping - before we went he 'jokingly' mentioned he'd kill for a beer - just 1
Hmmm! To which I didn't even grace him with a reply.While we were shopping he asked if he could get some and wanted my permission/gauge my reaction - absolutely no chance but I don't see why I should 'parent' him and veto his decisions, he's an adult and has to learn to do the right thing by himself. All I said was 'I don't think it's a good idea, you've just detoxed for gods sake!' and that if he decided to bring alcohol into the house, which is his choice, then my choice would be to go and stay at our other flat because I can't cope again with his Jekyl and Hyde behaviour. I left it there and continued shopping expecting him to come after me and add a four pack to the basket......
He didn't! we got home and he immediately took one of his antabuse (disulfiram) tablets. So for now it's pointless for him to even think about the evil poison.
He's made himself an appt with the GP tomorrow to speak about his mental health and request to be referred to counselling or where ever.
So Frog is a little less fed up today
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