About to give up, need help!
 

Hello, this is my first time here, I hope someone can help, although I may need marriage counseling, I don't know. My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We have one little boy is 2. I was aware of his drinking problem when I married him. I got pregnant with our son shortly after realizing he had a drinking problem. He kept promising me he would quit drinking when the baby came. We had a nice wedding and a bought a new home together. I was deeply in love. I work second shift, he works first shift at our jobs. He is at home with our son at night by himself because I don't get off work until midnight. Ever since my son was born and I went back to work, my husband has drank beer at night while watching him. It usually 3-5 nights a week and usually 3-8 beers. I can tell when my husband had one beer, just listening to his voice. He is not a violent person when he drinks, he mostly gets careless and trys to be funny. Every night when I call him from work and he has been drinking I get mad. He doesn't understand that if my son gets hurt, he wont' be able to take him to the hospital, therefore I worry while I am at work. We fight all of the time because he doesn't see anything wrong with "winding down" with a beer after work. Why does he have to have beer to wind down? I have asked him to get help and that I would go to AA with him, but he won't agree that he has a problem. He just says that he could quit if he wanted to, but he doesn't try. Well, he tried once, and went about 3 weeks and then I caught him hiding it from me. Our arguing has gone on for 3 years and I am ready to give up this marriage. What should I do? I have told him that I would like to just get a divorce and all he says is, " you won't be happy without me!" I do love him, but he wont do anything about his problem. I grew up with an alcoholic father and my son shouldn't have to.

Re: About to give up, need help!
 

Welcome confusedme!

If you grew up with an alcoholic Dad, you already know that you're not going to be able to make him change. If he is intolerable to you, you don't have to tolerate him. But you don't have to decide in a split second, either. Whatever you decide to do, you are wise to seek out support for yourself. Look around and make yourself at home!

Hugs,
Smoke

Re: About to give up, need help!
 

Thanks! I wish I could make myself happy here at home like I can on this message board. It really stinks when you look forward to going to work instead of looking forward to the weekend.

Re: About to give up, need help!
 

No, there is no changing him until he's ready himself. What concerns me is your child. Is it possible to make alternative arrangements for him while you work? A toddler needs a sober parent caring for them, I know.

Re: About to give up, need help!
 

I know, every child deserves sober care. Unfortunatley I work 4:00 to midnight and there is noone else available to care for him during those hours, so even if I divorce him, he will probably still have my son every night......Grrrr

Re: About to give up, need help!
 

Wow, that is difficult then. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

Re: About to give up, need help!
 

I agree with Chy, your child is the most important consideration. There aren't any easy answers, but I think if I were in your position, I'd quit my night job, and get a day job and use a good day care center. I'm aware of how expensive they are, but nothing is more important than the well being of our children. If you don't have to worry about your child anymore, then you can concentrate on what you need to do for yourself and for your child. Just a suggestion. I also found great comfort and supportative people on this website, so keep coming back!