finally made it to a meeting...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: my own prison
Posts: 108
finally made it to a meeting...
Lord knows the last two months have been a roller coaster...
My now RAH had hit rock bottom, went to rehab and has since come home and started working his program. All of this time I felt so lost. I had no friends to get advice from, nobody to really turn to but this website. While he was away I did the best I could to educate myself. Couldn't sleep anyway so I made the best of my time by reading up on what I chose to endure. Everything was screaming alanon and I was more than ready. I need the guidance and support, plain and simple. My husband is doing great. Makes it to many meetings throughout the week, therapy once a week, has made lots of new friends and is chugging through this like a champion, I however have taken the back seat. Some days it seems as if we are on the same street, heading the same direction, going to the same place... he's just a few miles ahead of me.
We always seem to have scheduling conflicts when it comes to me getting to a meeting. He is either in school or his own meeting and Im either working or taking care of the kids. We only have one car, can't afford a sitter and absolutely non of the meetings in a 45mile radius provide childcare.
Last night I made myself the priority. Drove down to the local club but couldn't help to feel slightly disappointed. I had put so much hope into what I thought it was going to be like and I couldn't have been any further from reality. I didn't take anything away from the experience other than a few awkward stares from the NA group I had to walk through to get to the right room. Im not sure if I will go back next week, I told myself I should give it another chance but I cant help but feel a little reluctant. I have a list of all the closest meetings but none of them work with our schedule. Advice?
My now RAH had hit rock bottom, went to rehab and has since come home and started working his program. All of this time I felt so lost. I had no friends to get advice from, nobody to really turn to but this website. While he was away I did the best I could to educate myself. Couldn't sleep anyway so I made the best of my time by reading up on what I chose to endure. Everything was screaming alanon and I was more than ready. I need the guidance and support, plain and simple. My husband is doing great. Makes it to many meetings throughout the week, therapy once a week, has made lots of new friends and is chugging through this like a champion, I however have taken the back seat. Some days it seems as if we are on the same street, heading the same direction, going to the same place... he's just a few miles ahead of me.
We always seem to have scheduling conflicts when it comes to me getting to a meeting. He is either in school or his own meeting and Im either working or taking care of the kids. We only have one car, can't afford a sitter and absolutely non of the meetings in a 45mile radius provide childcare.
Last night I made myself the priority. Drove down to the local club but couldn't help to feel slightly disappointed. I had put so much hope into what I thought it was going to be like and I couldn't have been any further from reality. I didn't take anything away from the experience other than a few awkward stares from the NA group I had to walk through to get to the right room. Im not sure if I will go back next week, I told myself I should give it another chance but I cant help but feel a little reluctant. I have a list of all the closest meetings but none of them work with our schedule. Advice?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
First, not every meeting is going to give you exactly what you need at the moment. Sometimes we are there for someone else who needs us to listen.
You said this is a "club" meeting. I haven't been to any Al-Anon meetings at clubs, but the AA meetings at clubs tend to be weighted heavily with very new people. I don't know if that is the case with the Al-Anon meetings at clubs, but the meetings I went to had a good mix of longtime members and newer people--those are the meetings I found the most helpful.
I suggest you talk to your husband about your need to make some meetings of your own so you can "catch up". There tend to be more AA meetings at different times than Al-Anon meetings. Ask if he would be willing to sacrifice ONE meeting a week that he normally goes to (and if there is another the same night, he could maybe make that one if he feels the need to make a meeting every day). Or even every other week. Explain that this is important to you, that you want and need recovery too, and that you want to be trudging the same "road to Happy Destiny" that he's on.
I'm betting maybe there could be a little flexibility, here.
You said this is a "club" meeting. I haven't been to any Al-Anon meetings at clubs, but the AA meetings at clubs tend to be weighted heavily with very new people. I don't know if that is the case with the Al-Anon meetings at clubs, but the meetings I went to had a good mix of longtime members and newer people--those are the meetings I found the most helpful.
I suggest you talk to your husband about your need to make some meetings of your own so you can "catch up". There tend to be more AA meetings at different times than Al-Anon meetings. Ask if he would be willing to sacrifice ONE meeting a week that he normally goes to (and if there is another the same night, he could maybe make that one if he feels the need to make a meeting every day). Or even every other week. Explain that this is important to you, that you want and need recovery too, and that you want to be trudging the same "road to Happy Destiny" that he's on.
I'm betting maybe there could be a little flexibility, here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: my own prison
Posts: 108
I'm pretty sure I was the only newbie in this meeting for what seemed to be several decades... I was hoping to feel a sense of belonging, looking forward to the mix you described but it was a very small group of ladies at least 3x's my senior. While Im sure they have experience in everything I've been through I couldn't help but feel out of place. It was uncomfortable and I felt guilty for having my husband skip his meeting for it.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Maybe you could ask your husband to ask around to his friends whether any of them have wives or partners in Al-Anon? When my first husband got sober, there was a bunch of us who all knew each other, and we did social activities together.
You could ask if he could get some phone numbers of any of those Al-Anon members for you. You could have one of them over to your house for coffee and a chat. That might be a way to find out where the best meetings are and maybe figure out a schedule once you've found one where you would fit in more comfortably.
You could ask if he could get some phone numbers of any of those Al-Anon members for you. You could have one of them over to your house for coffee and a chat. That might be a way to find out where the best meetings are and maybe figure out a schedule once you've found one where you would fit in more comfortably.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: my own prison
Posts: 108
I will definately have him ask. Some of them have got to have family a little closer to my age. I don't want to sound like a turd but it made a difference to me. I thought about it last night and all day, I just don't think I would be comfortable sharing things with this group. Definately not the way I speak. I felt like I was sitting in my grandmothers knitting class, being instructed by the preachers wife. Not saying anything bad about them, Im sure they are all wonderful women, it's just difficult for me to feel comfortable.
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