Please - need advice
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Aurora, CO
Posts: 85
Good that you didn't bail her out. Have been in that situation with my mom and I caved and did get her. That was over ten years ago and you have no idea how many times I wish I had gone the other way on that decision! Let yourself get off the merry-go-round of insanity.
Did this a couple weeks ago when mom got taken to the ER with a BAC of .336. Left her there and let her figure all of it out - turned off my phone and got on with my night. Was hard, but felt really REALLY good to finally just say NO.
Happy birthday! Do something nice for you today OK?
Did this a couple weeks ago when mom got taken to the ER with a BAC of .336. Left her there and let her figure all of it out - turned off my phone and got on with my night. Was hard, but felt really REALLY good to finally just say NO.
Happy birthday! Do something nice for you today OK?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dawson Creek, BC
Posts: 8
Leave her. I had the same choice to make with my husband. Once she hits bottom she might realize what a danger she is when drinking. Just be thankful the police found her before an ambulance had to find her or anyone else she could have hurt while drinking and driving. You bail her out, and she'll keep endangering everyone.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,827
If she is your ex why should you bail her out?
Originally Posted by Crazed 
I received a call about 45 minutes ago from the sheriffs office. My EXAG got arrested today for DUI at 4 pm. $500 cash bond - she will be released after midnight. Cash is not an issue. But should I bail her out or leave her in? I am so not familiar with the legal system, I do not know what will happen to her. Apparently she blew a .311. If I bail her out I am afraid she will not hit bottom. If I do not bail her out, I am feeling like I am being a sh!t friend.
Please help - what am I supposed to do?
Please help - what am I supposed to do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 458
I spoke with her for 60 seconds- she begged me to bail her out. I told her i loved her, but would not. It was extremely difficult. Somebody else did. Her sponsor picked her up when she was released, late last night.
While it was the right thing to do, i feel terrible about it. She begged me for help, and i turned my back. I hope someday she will forgive me and understand.
While it was the right thing to do, i feel terrible about it. She begged me for help, and i turned my back. I hope someday she will forgive me and understand.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 222
It is not up for her to forgive you...your didn't turn your back. As a parent, there are times when we have to let our children learn consequences. If I hadn't smacked my daughter's hand when she tried to put keys in the electrical outlet, she'd have been electrocuted. If I hadn't let her make typical teenager mistakes; she wouldn't be a functioning adult. You are telling her to be responsible for herself, and there is not a [email protected]#* thing wrong with that. She should be asking your forgiveness; why didn't she just call the other guy? Why pull you in; suck you in like a siren? Because she doesn't care about your feelings or how it effects you. Crazed, please try to step out of the hero role. You did a wonderful thing by leaving her in there. You should feel so good about that. She was in a safe environment. Peace.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
Not bailing her out was the more loving and selfless act. Bailing her out would have been easier on you emotionally and caused you less anguish. It's hard to break patterns of behavior. You did the right thing.
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