Redheadsusie

and I dont know why. I am moving forward without AH. Having very little contact with him - which is key. He has said a few trigger things to me which have pissed me off and tried to get me to engage but I have not. I know he is going to try to stick it to me when we divide property. I am an idiot in that I paid more than 80% of all of our stuff the whole time we were married. He is trying to say I do not even have 50% ownership of the house - I know he can say whatever he wants - but it makes me so mad. When we bought he gave $20,000 to his parents and they then put a down payment on the house for us - I guess to protect their 50 year old baby in case we split. Their thought being I will have no rights to that money at all when we divide assets. If it is a gift from them to him that is his $20,000. I foolishly paid most all of the mortgage of which he will benefit from. Iknow that. I am just pissed that you can bend over backwards for someone - do anything they want and they want to screw you over after you made a home for them. I need to see the gift that I can move forward and live a happier life - away from alcohol and drugs - he has chosen that life for himself.

I want to call or write an e mail and just blast him but that is pointless and so I came here to say I think he is an arse. ****!

AtATotalLoss

Good that you came here and man that would infuriate me!
BUT - he may get house/money etc. YOU are getting a life free of this crap. I know I would have a hard time swallowing that too, but knowing that I got the better and more long term gift would be a dose of sweet revenge. Because honestly - if he is still an active A, how long do you think that $ is gonna last?
Sorry you're having a rough day

JansSushiBar

When I walk, I'm taking my clothes, my laptop, my camera equipment, the furniture in the guest bedroom, the furniture/clothes in my son's room, the flatscreen and BluRay player from our bedroom, the contents of the kitchen including our small breakfast table, my curio, my books, the DVD collection, the wine hutch/liquor cabinet (partly out of spite) and our 24 cu.ft. standing freezer, although he can have half the contents.

That's it. He can have the house and everything else in it, all of which is worth quite a bit. Nor will I go after him for alimony. I just want out.

Redheadsusie

I agree - I get my sanity and my life back. But what a **** head!

dollydo

Who's name is the house in? Does the deed record both of your names? I wouldn't let his
BS get to you. You do have rights, what does your attorney say?

Sorry for all his nonsense.

Redheadsusie

I am on the deed and the mortgage so I know I have rights. Now I am just crying - I was pissed and now I am just sad. Oh the emotions. I think of how Iet him ruin me and financially devastate me - I made the choice to allow that to happen and for that I am so sad for myself and beating myself up with a bat. I have talked to my Sis who is my biggest supporter and she told me to just keep stepping forward. I am trying just so very sad now.................

owathu

You most likely have bank statements that attest to this. Secondly, if you are in a no fault state, it won't matter how the down payment was made. You both own that house, 50/50. You will either have to sell, or buy him out, or he buys you out.

I am going through the same thing. Lucky for me, I have in writing from him that we are leaving with what we came in with. We haven't been married that long, so I consider the money I spent paying for everything a really, really expensive learning lesson.

You'll be fine. I promise.

dollydo

And, I am so very sorry. However, by moving forward now, you will stop the bleeding, financially you will become more secure.

Don't beat yourself up, my father always said. "It's not so much the circumstance you are involved in, it's how you handle it".

You will be fine, I just know it!

owathu

This is how I felt when I left. He and his skank can sit on my nice sofa, have sex on my bed, do whatever they want. I just wanted out so so bad. I have a dog's ashes still there and one piece of furniture I inherited that I want back. Other than what I could fit in my Mini, I was out of there. I bought all new things. Things that I love and I wanted, no compromises. I was just so happy to get out.

I have moved so many times in my life, that aside from my clothes, books and my little cemetary I have going on, nothing really matters materially to me.

Redheadsusie

Thank you ladies- now I am really crying- my Mom always told me I would be fine whenever I was upset and she and my Daddy both passed in the past 2 years. Thank you for that support and reminder.............now if I just can convince myself. With thanks ,

LexieCat

I was financially taken advantage of in my last two relationships (one with an alcoholic, and the other with a non-alcoholic).

Nobody held a gun to my head when I was supporting them both. I could have made the money an issue at the time of both breakups. In the first case it would not have done me any good--there was no money to go after. In the second case I could have dragged it out and walked away with a good portion of the money I had spent. But it was well worth walking away without it, because I was able to get out of the relationship quickly and easily--which was worth far more to me than the money.

It's easy to get hung up on your own "rights". Sometimes they do need to be vindicated. Other times it is much, much better to let it go. It's only money. If you don't need it to survive, or to put your kids through college or something, the peace of mind that comes with freedom is worth much more.

owathu

My "Papi", my dad died a little less than two years ago. So, I totally get where you are right now. My mom is and has never been a supportive warm person. My dad and I were buds. I too felt so so lost when everything came to a head. In my heart, I knew my dad was giving me the strength I needed to do this.

They're still supporting you, but it's just from inside now. Know they are there, and love you so very much.

If there weren't night, there wouldn't be the morning sun. This is your night, there will be sun again.

Redheadsusie

LexieCat I know it is just money and I am willing to walk from it - just upset with myself for so feely giving all of my hard earned money away and support our family - while he boated and drank and bougth stupid ****. I made that choice - I own it and I will recover. Owathu thank you for the wonderful words and sorry about your Dad. I miss mine a lot - My Daddy just died this year and I was his middle girl - he fought cancer the past 4 years and was such an inspiration to us while doing it - so positive - actually one day at chemo - he actually said he enjoyed himself as the nurses were so nice and he had good conversation........ :-) He got super lovable with us girls and told us how proud he was of us and how he loved us to the moon - my Mom was not the warm fuzzy type either but I love them both. I love the last sentence you wrote. I know sun will be here again- I have sun now with my 2amazing sons I am so proud of - this is just a little black cloud that will break apart and leave me with clear skies! I know it deep down!

LexieCat

I won't say I never regret or get a little p.o.'d with myself for the money *I* wasted, but I try not to live in those feelings. We ALL (and I'm not just talking about people who hook up with alcoholics) have made decisions we later regret. Oh, WELL.

Natural to feel those feelings but try not to imprint them on your DNA. Focus on your future. It's hard to do that if you're staring too hard at the past.

owathu

I'm the middle child as well, and my dad died of cancer. He loved the nurses. He was always such a handsome man, big green eyes, black hair, tall...he decided when he got the cancer diagnosis that he had a great life, and just wanted to let the cards fall where they fell. He refused treatment. The Nurses loved him, he was such a big flirt. Even with cancer ravaging his body, his sparkling green eyes managed to bring a smile onto their faces.

He traveled the world over at least 5 times, he started as a mechanic at the billion dollar company he eventually ended up CEO at. He lived his life so fully, that I cannot help but try and follow in his footsteps.

One month before he died, he and I took a trip to China, the one country he hadn't seen yet. We both hated it, lol. But, we got to do one last trip together. Within a month he was gone.

He always said to me, as a child and as an adult. "Owathu, I fear the man that will take your shine away."

My dad will be happy to know, my AH didn't take it away. It may have gotten tarnished, but I polished it back up. That strength was a gift from my dad. And your parents gave you the same gift. Polish it.

Redheadsusie

Wow- What a blessing you got to travel with him and share that special time with him........ Your Dad sounds wonderful! My Daddy was also tall - 6'6" with black hair and green eyes - pretty cool huh? Super handsome guy! He was a Southern gentleman and constantly said please and thank you no matter what they were poking him with at the hospital - makes me smile ! I am so grateful for your words and your strength.

Rosiepetal

Susie relationship property is split 50/50.
This includes property, vehicles, any assets & of course any debt you owe.
There is usually leniancy in chattels.
So sorry your struggling with this, I know it's not easy.
One day you can put it all behind you.
Hugs.
:ghug3

owathu

Wow, Universe works in mysterious ways. My dad wasn't southern, but European, same sensibilities though! :o)

He was always such an "elegant" man. No other way to explain it. Just classy.

I bet your dad and my dad are having a cigar and chatting about the kismet of our situations!

If you want PM me and we can chat. We have a lot in common.