Wonder how I can get my husband to go for help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Cheshire, England
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by CeciliaV 
Oh, the convenient memory of an A! I don't know that I would recommend doing this to others, but I've used AH's camera phone to take video of him at his worst - slurring, drooly, and passing out drunk. I got his permission to do it beforehand during a sober conversation with him. Seeing the video didn't stop him from continuing to drink, but I think it did open his eyes a bit (along with a stay at a skanky motel this last weekend!). I have had to see that more times than I care to count, and it was important for him to see it too and to see what he's become. I'm not going to say that the slurry videos and motel stay made him decide to go to rehab (starting tomorrow, woohoo!), but I also can't say they didn't have an effect.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Cheshire, England
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by LexieCat
I've been in two marriages to alcoholics, and am now four and a half years sober, myself. Just to echo what the others have said, there is little you can do to make him get help unless he wants it. There IS, OTOH, much that you can do to make your life and your family's life better. Al-Anon won't teach you how to get him sober (since there isn't any way to do that), but it will help you get your head on straight so you can consider all your options.
Glad your daughter is in counseling--that's great.
Glad your daughter is in counseling--that's great.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Hi and welcome - sorry for the reasons you are here.
Al Anon will help you immensely in deciding what to do for your future. All to often I read on here people who feel that they have no choice as financially they are under the thumb of the alcoholic. Often times this thought process is more about lifestyle changes rather than inability to leave the situation as we all know you CAN leave.
My own situation with my RAH's relapse touched on financials as we had just paid out a tremendous amount of money and things were tight - there was also a lot of instability at my work and weekly I wondered if I would be getting my walking papers soon. So before he knew that I knew he was drinking I buckled down - starting shifting money and taking jobs I wouldn't normally so I would have the ability to pick up and leave in a minute without ruining my credit or losing my home. I knew if we split it would be me that would have to support 2 households (its my house) for a couple of months.
Al Anon and SR was integral in guiding me. I came on here with excuses and reasons for why I HAD to make our relationship work, money, home, lifestyle changes etc. - 2 months in to his active drinking I would have walked and left it all for my sanity and peace - there is nothing materially that is worth that price. Things did change but that's another story.
You sound like a very loving and concerned mom. Children raised in alcoholic homes are generally scarred for life. They either become alcoholics or marry them because its what they know. That's just touching on the highlights of how terribly affected they are. I am glad that your daughter is getting counseling but as long as your children and grandchildren are living in that environment the issues will not go away.
Keep reading, and educating yourself on alcoholism - get to Al Anon as soon as you can. Post often - lots of support here from those that have been there and done that.
Al Anon will help you immensely in deciding what to do for your future. All to often I read on here people who feel that they have no choice as financially they are under the thumb of the alcoholic. Often times this thought process is more about lifestyle changes rather than inability to leave the situation as we all know you CAN leave.
My own situation with my RAH's relapse touched on financials as we had just paid out a tremendous amount of money and things were tight - there was also a lot of instability at my work and weekly I wondered if I would be getting my walking papers soon. So before he knew that I knew he was drinking I buckled down - starting shifting money and taking jobs I wouldn't normally so I would have the ability to pick up and leave in a minute without ruining my credit or losing my home. I knew if we split it would be me that would have to support 2 households (its my house) for a couple of months.
Al Anon and SR was integral in guiding me. I came on here with excuses and reasons for why I HAD to make our relationship work, money, home, lifestyle changes etc. - 2 months in to his active drinking I would have walked and left it all for my sanity and peace - there is nothing materially that is worth that price. Things did change but that's another story.
You sound like a very loving and concerned mom. Children raised in alcoholic homes are generally scarred for life. They either become alcoholics or marry them because its what they know. That's just touching on the highlights of how terribly affected they are. I am glad that your daughter is getting counseling but as long as your children and grandchildren are living in that environment the issues will not go away.
Keep reading, and educating yourself on alcoholism - get to Al Anon as soon as you can. Post often - lots of support here from those that have been there and done that.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family Carmie!
Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and venting as needed. you are not alone; we understand.
Some of our stories are in the permanent posts at the top of this main page. Each section of the forum has permanent posts and they are called *Sticky Posts*. I am always finding wisdom in those sections.
Here are two of my favorite sticky posts. Following the steps in this post helped me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Have you ever heard the expression: "Knowledge is Power"? Well, I believe for me it is true. I wanted to know more about alcoholism and how it affects the addicted individual. I found that information in a well written book: "Under the Influence". We have a sticky post on this website that contains excerpts from that book. I read the excerpts, then I purchased the book. Here is a link to the excerpts:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and venting as needed. you are not alone; we understand.
Some of our stories are in the permanent posts at the top of this main page. Each section of the forum has permanent posts and they are called *Sticky Posts*. I am always finding wisdom in those sections.
Here are two of my favorite sticky posts. Following the steps in this post helped me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Have you ever heard the expression: "Knowledge is Power"? Well, I believe for me it is true. I wanted to know more about alcoholism and how it affects the addicted individual. I found that information in a well written book: "Under the Influence". We have a sticky post on this website that contains excerpts from that book. I read the excerpts, then I purchased the book. Here is a link to the excerpts:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Cheshire, England
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by red atlanta
Hi and welcome - sorry for the reasons you are here.
Al Anon will help you immensely in deciding what to do for your future. All to often I read on here people who feel that they have no choice as financially they are under the thumb of the alcoholic. Often times this thought process is more about lifestyle changes rather than inability to leave the situation as we all know you CAN leave.
My own situation with myRAH's relapse touched on financials as we had just paid out a tremendous amount of money and things were tight - there was also a lot of instability at my work and weekly I wondered if I would be getting my walking papers soon. So before he knew that I knew he was drinking I buckled down - starting shifting money and taking jobs I wouldn't normally so I would have the ability to pick up and leave in a minute without ruining my credit or losing my home. I knew if we split it would be me that would have to support 2 households (its my house) for a couple of months.
Al Anon and SR was integral in guiding me. I came on here with excuses and reasons for why I HAD to make our relationship work, money, home, lifestyle changes etc. - 2 months in to his active drinking I would have walked and left it all for my sanity and peace - there is nothing materially that is worth that price. Things did change but that's another story.
You sound like a very loving and concerned mom. Children raised in alcoholic homes are generally scarred for life. They either become alcoholics or marry them because its what they know. That's just touching on the highlights of how terribly affected they are. I am glad that your daughter is getting counseling but as long as your children and grandchildren are living in that environment the issues will not go away.
Keep reading, and educating yourself on alcoholism - get to Al Anon as soon as you can. Post often - lots of support here from those that have been there and done that.
Al Anon will help you immensely in deciding what to do for your future. All to often I read on here people who feel that they have no choice as financially they are under the thumb of the alcoholic. Often times this thought process is more about lifestyle changes rather than inability to leave the situation as we all know you CAN leave.
My own situation with myRAH's relapse touched on financials as we had just paid out a tremendous amount of money and things were tight - there was also a lot of instability at my work and weekly I wondered if I would be getting my walking papers soon. So before he knew that I knew he was drinking I buckled down - starting shifting money and taking jobs I wouldn't normally so I would have the ability to pick up and leave in a minute without ruining my credit or losing my home. I knew if we split it would be me that would have to support 2 households (its my house) for a couple of months.
Al Anon and SR was integral in guiding me. I came on here with excuses and reasons for why I HAD to make our relationship work, money, home, lifestyle changes etc. - 2 months in to his active drinking I would have walked and left it all for my sanity and peace - there is nothing materially that is worth that price. Things did change but that's another story.
You sound like a very loving and concerned mom. Children raised in alcoholic homes are generally scarred for life. They either become alcoholics or marry them because its what they know. That's just touching on the highlights of how terribly affected they are. I am glad that your daughter is getting counseling but as long as your children and grandchildren are living in that environment the issues will not go away.
Keep reading, and educating yourself on alcoholism - get to Al Anon as soon as you can. Post often - lots of support here from those that have been there and done that.
The major problem is trying to find accommodation for my middle daughter, my baby grandson and my youngest daughter (15 yrs) to do this would cost quite a lot and I am not in a position yet to afford the bills and outgoings. I have looked at trying to sell the house but we are in negative equity (the house is worth less than the price we paid for on the mortgage) also because of the current climate here in the UK and the recession my husbands business has suffered greatly and he is in massive debt (he is a Financial Advisor) and also because of his A problems this has also caused him to him to get behind with the mortgage payments so even if the house was sold he wouldn't (nor I, as I am on the mortgage) be able to buy another house for at least 5 years because of credit reasons.
So I am trapped for now until I can afford to rent a smaller house as I am not entitled to any benefits and here in the UK if you own your own home, you cannot get help for 5 years. I need the resources to be able to rent in my local area (which is very expensive) as my youngest is sitting her GCSEs this year and can't be disrupted at such a critical school year.
I don't know the solution yet.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Cheshire, England
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Pelican
Welcome to the SR family Carmie!
Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and venting as needed. you are not alone; we understand.
Some of our stories are in the permanent posts at the top of this main page. Each section of the forum has permanent posts and they are called *Sticky Posts*. I am always finding wisdom in those sections.
Here are two of my favorite sticky posts. Following the steps in this post helped me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Have you ever heard the expression: "Knowledge is Power"? Well, I believe for me it is true. I wanted to know more about alcoholism and how it affects the addicted individual. I found that information in a well written book: "Under the Influence". We have a sticky post on this website that contains excerpts from that book. I read the excerpts, then I purchased the book. Here is a link to the excerpts:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and venting as needed. you are not alone; we understand.
Some of our stories are in the permanent posts at the top of this main page. Each section of the forum has permanent posts and they are called *Sticky Posts*. I am always finding wisdom in those sections.
Here are two of my favorite sticky posts. Following the steps in this post helped me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Have you ever heard the expression: "Knowledge is Power"? Well, I believe for me it is true. I wanted to know more about alcoholism and how it affects the addicted individual. I found that information in a well written book: "Under the Influence". We have a sticky post on this website that contains excerpts from that book. I read the excerpts, then I purchased the book. Here is a link to the excerpts:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
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