pattyG

I have good days and bad days...today is a hard one. I am mourning the loss of what "could've been" even though it never was...not in 4 years of trying. I am going down today and file to try and get her name off my son's birth certificate. It is a "reality check" that they dream I had was never going to materialize with her. It is like this Fantasy person, who really never was...I mean she was never nice, or sweet, or wonderful TO ME, to my kids, yes...but not to me. To accept that she hates me, literally, and only misses my kids.
Many of you have said here, that going no contact is like us withdrawing from OUR drug (the alcoholic). It is so true. I hurt, crave, feel physically sick....yet I am pressed to recall even 5 good times in our relationship! I haven't spoken or contacted her since she showed up in church on Sunday.
Why is it so hard to let go? Why is it so hard to value myself and know I deserve so much better? I am going one minute at a time.

Florence

It stopped hurting when I started feeling okay about being alone. It's more difficult sometimes, there's only one of me to go around, and I miss having the mobility and free time that I did when he was here to watch the kids and clean house and whatnot. On the other hand, this phase of my life is remarkably drama free.

You DO deserve better, and so do those kids.

AlcoholicLove

pattyG-
I am also having a tough day today.
I'm entering my 3rd month of NC and it's particularly hard today.
It's true-we are addicted to them like they are to alcohol.

It is really hard to come to grips with knowing it was nothing more than a fantasy relationship....but that's all it really was.

I hope you find Peace today..

EnnuiStasis

pattyG, I'm sure you've heard it before, but going no contact is much like having a death in the family... and there will be a time of grieving very similar to the grief felt after an actual death. I wish you all the best.

lovesunandsnow

Your not alone. I am having a very hard day myself. I have had nc with my ex-abf since last Sept 2012 and working on rebuilding my life. I've been doing great really and should be happy but yesterday after getting news that should have made my day I cried. I cried because I miss him and it should have been the two of us happy together. It's all a dream that will never happen.

Take it day by day and minute by minute if you have to. It will get better my hard days are getting less and less the more I work on just taking care of me.

I wish you the best and keep looking forward, today that is what I have to do myself. I know it's okay to cry but accepting the end hard and I go in and out of being okay with it. Keep the faith and posting there are plenty of wonderful people here to help.

pattyG

Thank you.. I know you all get it. I had a "moment" and called her phone from my work, she wouldn't answer. I hung up and was thankful for that "near miss". My babysitter said she called and said that my ex would unblock her number if I unblock mine....so the kids could call her if they wanted. Umm...no thanks I'm good" I replied.

NYCDoglvr

At the very heart of addiction (including alcoholism and codependency) are denial and rationalization. I strongly recommend Alanon where I learned there's a difference between love and need.

LexieCat

No calls, no texts, no emails.

Hugs, you will get through this. I know what it's like to be in love with a dream. You are doing the right stuff. Glad you're getting the birth certificate corrected.

Recovering2

Try to be gentle with yourself. You're doing all the right things, it takes time to move past all this. But you're doing it..one day at a time.

Now what is with that babysitter??? Is this the same friend/sitter who yapped previously about stuff? Ugh! I think I would let this sitter know that you respectfully request that she not discuss anything about your ex with you.....or you need to find another sitter!!!

Rosiepetal

Yes one minute at a time if you have to.
Then one hour at a time.
Then you will reach one day at a time.
Live in the present & focus on getting through.
So sorry for the way you're feeling, I know it's hard.
Bigs hugs.
:ghug3