FireSprite

Maine Coons are amazingly comforting cats, I hope they continue to bring you comfort. I'm so sorry for your loss!! (((HUS)))

Patsy22

Thank you Audrey1. Your situation seems to mirror mine almost absolutely. I took to staying in the hospital late and getting there really early just to avoid his family. He had asked me to marry me but we hadn't done it before he became so ill so I basically have no rights either. They have no idea what sort of a funeral he would want and didn't even wait until he had passed away before they took his car that he wanted me to have. I think I managed to hide all the unpleasantness from him but he didn't understand why I was staying in a hotel and not with his parents. I have a couple of weeks grace to decide whether to go but like you I worry that I may regret it if I don't.

Recovering2

I am so very sorry for your loss Patsy. But sounds like a blessing that you got to spend time with him during those final days. There is no wrong decision here. Do what feels right in your heart when the time comes. He is at peace, that's what matters.
Hugs to you.

Patsy22

Ironic really. I am crying more now than when he was drinking and being abusive.

Audrey1

It's a tough decision to make at such a raw time for you, Patsy. But give yourself time to breathe again and start trying to build yourself up. I bet you haven't eaten or slept properly in quite some time, so just work towards that for now. You will have a clearer head about all of this once you can sort the eating and sleeping out and, thankfully, you have time to do this. You don't need to decide on the funeral now.

It's entirely up to you, but in terms of the car, if you can let that go then I suggest you do. My in-laws ransacked our place and took everything. I just let them. It's a relatively small price to pay for peace of mind.

Patsy22

The car was in his name so I didn't have any choice and decided to let them take it even though I now have no transport and no money to buy a new one. They already have thousands of pounds worth of antiques of his that were stored at his parents as we didn't have enough space at home and they also stopped him transferring his pension to me. After nearly nine years together I think their behaviour is despicable. But I accept that I can't get anything back and at least I can try to concentrate on the nicest memories of the time I had with him. You are right I have hardly eaten since last August and have not had anything today. I try to cook myself nice meals but just can't force them down and I am not sleeping either. This would have been a horrible time anyway and I just don't understand how or why they are trying to make it so much worse for me. I do believe in karma though and I think they will get their just desserts some day.

Audrey1

You'll get through it, Patsy. Just give yourself time.

Try to shift your focus on getting yourself better or the shock of their behaviour will only wear you down and make you bitter. I was angry for a very long time and then one day all that anger just left me. I think I needed that time to come to terms with the hurt they had caused both my partner and me (especially my partner as he didn't have time to come to terms with who they really were), and acknowledge that I would never be able to understand or justify their behaviour. Unfortunately people like this exist, but I refused to let myself get bitter about it. Think about it this way, they are the only ones who are forced to live with themselves for the rest of their lives. Imagine how awful that would be! You will never have to see them ever again, except for the funeral if you decide to go. Think about all the genuinely kind-hearted people you know instead. There are plenty out there.

I'll be thinking of you. I'm not sure if or how its possible to send personal messages on this forum, but I'm always here if you need to talk.

Big hugs.

Patsy22

Thank you so much. I know he wouldn't have wanted me to be bitter and he would want me to try and be happy again. They can never take it away from me that I was there when he passed away and they had gone for lunch. xx

Freedom1990

Patsy, heartfelt condolences to you in your loss.

I have 6 cats, one being a female Maine Coon, and she is one of the most loving cuddly cats I have.

All of my animals have been a great comfort to me and gotten me through some very difficult times.

As others have suggested, attending the funeral is your choice. What can you live with, hon?

Personally I feel you were there when he needed you the most, as he lay dying. I have no doubt he left this earth knowing how much you loved him.

Please do keep posting. Pain shared is pain lessened.

Gentle hugs of support from the USA.

Carlotta

My Condolences Patsy.

If you decide to go, I would encourage you to bring along a friend (if you are in CoDa or Alanon someone from your meetings). Years ago, my girlfriend's husband passed away from alcoholism >he bled to death< and his family was awful to her and blamed her for his death. We were both Double Winners >AA/Alanon< and I went with her to the funerals. It was very rough but she told me it really helped to have one friend by her side while she said her final goodbye.

Patsy22

My friends are not well themselves so I can't ask them to come all that way. Luckily he went peacefully. I would like to be there in one way but I think it will be too much and it is so long since he died now (beg Jan) that I can't make myself believe he will still be there. Drinking a bit too much now with the strain of things although I know I shouldnt.