JamesIV

We also have to remember that we're here to help ourselves. Many of the great posts here on SR are helping me to remember that I need to take care of myself. If I need to post something that is "one sided" because I am honest about how I feel then it is something I SHOULD do. If my AW finds out and is offended, then maybe she will recognize what her addiction is doing to us and me.

PohsFriend

Yeah... but that can easily lead to a weird form of passive aggressive communication that would be unhealthy for me I think ;-) I'm here to get dysfunctional habits OUT of my system for a change, lol.

JamesIV

Agreed....if you hope the AW/H reads it then absolutely. I do not always say what I am thinking at the moment because as mom would always tell me "if you don't have anything nice to say......". Here on SR I am able to say what I am thinking and ask questions about the situation. If AW decides to read what I have written then an apology/excuse is not required or advised.

5yearItch

I agree completely. I haven't heard anything more about it, and I'm not at all worried about the posts I've made and her reading them. Granted it won't make my life any easier, but at the same time I feel like now that its out there, its that much less of a burden. She knows damn well I come here because of her, surely common sense would dictate what I'm reading/writing about.

choublak

IMO if someone puts so much of their own energy into coming on here to "stalk" their "loved" one, it's really on them and no one else. And in my own experience, the A's I've known were too busy drinking to get on the internets and "stalk" people.

Leftover

I had to change all my info on here. I too was outed by my alcoholic. All angry about what I said.....THE TRUTH.

choublak

It sounds more like you outed him...

Leftover

Don't understand your comment to me Choublak. Can you explain what you mean?

choublak

Well, he got angry when he discovered you were on here, because he finally saw some of the truth...hence he was "outed" as an active alcoholic.

Leftover

Aha. gotcha Choublak. It does make it difficult to tell my story when i'm in fear of being discovered. There are things i'd like to say here that I would never say to his face. It would make me feel better, but it would sure p---- him off. I have detached from his alcoholic/drug abuse drama, but it continues to affect me.. Having a place to dump all those feelings is cathartic.

Helenlee

I had never mentioned SRF to my ex-husband. One afternoon I posted a response to a thread by It'sMeAlice (who left her partner & started a new life - Hi Alice! ). I thoughtlessly left the page open on the computer screen & took the dogs for a walk. I knew the second I got back something was very wrong. He had read the thread & went off his head. I can't remember all of it - this was years ago - but I do remember him screaming about "all the husband hating old bags" on here (Please insert a rolling on the floor laughing smilie in here ) It ended up in physical violence & the police attending & an AVO being taken out. I also remember the judge reading the evidence in court - & reading out how it had happened that I was reading a support group for F&F of alcoholics & had taken the dogs for a walk & when I got back I was assaulted. He also read out the bit about the "husband hating old bags" & my face was as red as a beetroot & I was wondering if my SRF friends ears were burning all the way over in America. It was a rather surreal moment & I really wished he would stop saying "Sober Recovery Forum".

Crazed

I would like to tell EXRAG to see this forum and read my posts - I think it would be helpful for her to see first hand how I view and interpret her actions, as well as others. If I would tell her the same things in conversation, she would use her highly refined manipulation and lying skills to somehow convince me I am misinterpreting her actions and words, and I would end up being wrong.

On the other hand, if I knew she was reading here, I would undoubtedly try to manipulate her to get my needs met.

.... like I would want her to read this response so she would know that I think she is an excellent manipulator....

choublak

I don't quite "get" the whole internet stalking and what it has to do with alcoholism though. All the active A's I've known were to "busy" drinking to take the time to stalk other people.

Thumper

People have plenty of time to obsess when they don't have a job and just sit around at home all day fueling their obsessions with alcohol. My ex is not Internet savvy and he managed to 'find' Internet postings from years ago and put times of day and days of week together and thought this was a real threat to my job. People are bored and obsess and just sleuth around the net. If they have stalker traits it can escalate real fast.

Hells to the no did I ever tell my A about this site. I always took care to close the browser etc. I could see zero good coming of that. We could not communicate in real life with words chosen carefully.

PohsFriend

Amen.

Bring 3-4 of the folks in high conflict around responding to what their spouse says and we wind up losing those posters, those posters lose their outlet and our forum begins to look like a monkey **** fight at the zoo.

....Moderating what we say to avoid a fight or using the board as a passive/agressive way to say things without having to take responsibility because they 'Weren't meant to see it' but we knew they would. Hell, I am the world's biggest optimist at times but that just screams BAD IDEA to me, lol.

Tuffgirl

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...n-privacy.html

Here's my experience with this topic. It happens more frequently then we'd like to think. But we have great administrators who watch for the telltale signs of problems, and let us know immediately. Thank God for them!

choublak

And this is what stumps me. Active alcoholism is boring, so why not get sober?

PohsFriend

Nice response Tuffgirl.
...and you did him a big favor. Snooping is a bad bad bad idea because you might find things you don't want to. I know Poh has thoughts that would really hurt me and make me angry and the reverse is true as well. We all have thoughts and feelings that even we know are less than fair and would be destructive to share. THAT'S why you come here, go to a meeting, call a sponsor, write in a journal or whatever allows you to get the yuck out somewhere other than on that person's head. lol

choublak

Dang, he had two usernames on here? Although I'm sure there more stalkers with like 10 different usernames lol.

patientlywaitin

I mentioned it to a therapist in a family meeting last month before my RAH came home from rehab. After that he asked me about it and I told him I thought he might find some of the forums quite helpful. He enjoyed being able to read about what other A's have experienced in the first few months of recovery, said it made him feel a little better about the things he has noticed of himself. I pop in and out from time to time but I actually enjoy walking in the room and finding him here. I dont know if he has become a member or not and when he asked me what my name was on here I told him that was the best thing about anonymity. He is more than welcome to read through the posts and Im sure he could spot mine if he looked hard enough but I dont mind. We arent yet in a place in our recovery/relationship that we can discuss very many emotions without causing a bigger stir. So he spews his in AA, to his sponsor and some friends, I come here. I support him in all of his efforts on this road to recovery, I could only hope he would do the same. So far so good.... there's always room for improvement.