LoveMeNow

I went back and read your first post. I suggest you do the same. Sounds like he had some drug issues still last year. I hope you decide to take back your life and give you and your kids a new chance. Nothing changes if nothing changes........apparently nothing has changed!!

inpieces314

I think I fell into that trap so many of us know.

He got a job, stopped drinking except on sundays, and was a responsible person except on sundays. So I made sure to stay out of that situation on sundays.

But beyond that, I have nothing but hate for everything he has done to me, the kids, my life, etc. I knew it was coming down to this eventually, which I am fine with, because I can very quietly leave while he is working and he will never know.

Sunday after the argument, he came back with all this stuff, I guess to make it up to me? But I am not the one he needs to apologize to. Then he proceeded to pack up all of his stuff and put it in his jeep. The problem is, he is still sleeping at my house. I want to tell him to leave but I really just can't even talk to him after the things he said the other night, which I guess is why he is sleeping on the couch and not even attempting to talk to me. I don't care. I am done. And he knows it. He knows it's been coming for a while, but you don't bite the hand that feeds you. He will learn when I am not around that he lost out, because the way I see it, I can pay someone to watch the kids and not have to hear his bs every night. It's worth it.

I was fine being unhappy, because the kids love him and all that. But I can't trust him with them (at least the 6 year old) if that is what he really thinks.

Thumper

I'm glad you are finding a place of your own. One that will be more calm and less tense. I hope you consider not letting this man even visit there. He sounds hard to get out once he is in.

Well done on the childcare. When I finally took the step to get alternative childcare it was a big move. A turning point that propelled me into action that really put my kids first.

I have a son that has ADHD too (and two 6yo's that will be getting tested next month). I know it can be a lot to handle. My older son was diagnosed previous to our divorce so we already knew it. Things were really off the charts for him (and his brother - not ADHD) during the 18mos surrounding our split. Of course the ADHD did not go away but things really leveled off and improved once I got my head on straight. It did not happen overnight but I did become more calm and secure myself (and our environment was greatly improved) and that eventually seeped over to him. Their behavior improved, my son with ADHD started doing better in school etc. It was a process.

I'm wishing for you and your son that your own place reaps similar results.

dollydo

posted by inpieces314:

"D. I suggest all the bs about keeping him safe and all that crap be kept to a minimum, because all I am hearing is that I am not keeping him safe when this has never happened before, it is the first (and last) time he will ever say something like that in front of my son. It is wrong to judge when it's not like this has ever happened. Yeah, we got into it, even in front of the kids, but never because someone was actually blaming them. Not a single one of you know me or even care to so don't sit there and tell me what a horrible mother I am for not leaving him. This takes time and money which I have neither, and I am a single mother of two kids who works and goes to school full time. Things will happen as they do, and I can only take one step at a time. So keep threatening me about the kids being taken away. I hear that from him all the time, but it's hard to do when you are actually doing everything you should, it's the ALCOHOLIC screwing everything up."
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The people who respond to your posts are not being paid to do so. They are dong it because they have your and your childrens concern at heart. They all have been very courteous.

IMO, attacking us is uncalled for, we posters didn't create this situation, you did, it was your bad choice in selecting men that created this mess.

I too wish you the best, I have done us both a favor and put you on my ignore list.

LoveMeNow

Untreated codependency is much like an active addicts behavior. Common behaviors are to blame shift, deflect, manipulate, lie, and deny their own issues.

I wish you well in your journey.
I pray for your children's emotional and phyical well being, as well.