findingmyslf

Does anyone else ever have their AH or A make plans for say a weekend only to have them change due to drinking. I am so tired of not just getting my hopes up for maybe a couple days out of town but also for never knowing what to expect. I can never make serious plans because if the drinking buddies offer something better I am just tossed aside. And he just says oh I don't want to do that now or something. And I have to realize it doesn't matter to him what I wanted to do. I wanted to spend a sober friday night alone with him it would have been the first alone time I can remember in forever but he invited his buddies over. It just hurts alone time doesn't even matter. And worse if I say something I am being "irritating" to him. Just wanted to vent...

paula a.

Hey, is that MY husband you're living with?? My b-day was a couple of weeks ago. He promised a nice dinner out and an early night home without the kids. He got up at 2:00 opened a beer, jumped in the shower and while I did get my dinner out he was half lit by that time and made plans for US to meet his buddies on the way home. Nice b-day, watching him and his pals get loaded so that I could be the DD. I just wish in the middle of their addiction they could find a teeny tiny bit of unselfishness!

Grace

Hello FM,
Read my thread, dated 4/20 - "He is obsessed with his drinking buddy."
I understand EXACTLY how you feel.
I will give you the same quote that I gave someone the other day,
"You only think about him so much because you want him to place you first too. If you believed, really believed that you will never come first to him as long as he stays sick, then you would probably give up trying. Please understand that this is not personal on his part. The nature of alcoholism demands that the alcoholic place his family last---after alcohol and all its demands."

A very dear friend of mine, on here, reminded me that alcoholism encompasses people, places, and things. As long as he is drinking, these other people, places, and things will always come first. The secret of it is.....You, and I, need to learn to place ourselves first and then we will not be disappointed.

I had a poster in my bedroom when I was a little girl. It said:
"Blessed are those who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed."

Having expectations with an alcoholic is a complete waste of time and energy.

I was up most of the night last night waiting for my A to come home from the bar.
I 'expected' him to call.......at least.
Expectations are a very dangerous and often disappointing thing.

And remember "Water seeks its own level." They feel more comfortable with their own kind, doing what they enjoy doing.

Take care and be good to 'YOU'.
Love and prayers!
Grace

matters

Hello findingmyslf,

I have been married for almost 27 yrs. and the plans are still getting messed up. The good news is that now I am able to do something different and not cry all day about the fact that he chooses drinking over spending time with me. Remember they don't have the power to ruin our day unless we let them. We can make it all better for ourselves!! Keep coming back....

Hugs and prayers,
matters

bookworm

Well said, matters - that is so true. This stuff used to happen to me too. We'd plan to go out....then he'd be too drunk. It's really hurtful. So now I don't generally expect us to go out even if we've made arrangements and I always have a Plan B - something good for myself in the event that G lets me down. I also make sure I see my friends on a fairly regular basis - we'll meet for lunch, go and see a movie or whatever. He didn't like it at first because I think he thought that he was getting left out. Well, too bad. I'm starting to really enjoy myself when I see my friends and he's beginning to get used to it.
HugZ to you
Sandra