Punkin50

I left my EAH about two weeks ago. He keeps calling me and acts as if we might get back together. He calls and asks me to bring him cigarettes or stop by for dinner. I have tried to be polite, I don't hate him, but I don't love him any longer and I want all ties broken. He is in the process of getting his SSD, has no car or license because of DUI's, his family rarely takes him away from the house where he lives, so he is almost a hermit there. But I didn't do that to him, all this happened before we met. I feel guility because I am the only one who checks on him, but I want to stop. I need a new start in life, he will never change. How do I do this? Any suggestions?

Bubovski

From what you basically say, I don't think you should feel guilty.
Similar situations can carry on for decades with the enabler getting
worse than the so called victim.
If carers don't care for themselves, no one recieves real care.

maddiepaige99

You should pull the tie slowly. stop checking in on him so frequently. each day lessen the amount you check in on him til he gets the idea u don't want to keep being his babysitter

ReflectingOnMe

I disagree with the slowly..stop that COLD TURKEY! (I am not a dv expert - if there is any of that - please seek qualified assitance). My previous ex did the same thing..believe it or not; as soon as they realize we are really GONE. they move on to the next person that meets their needs. Right now by taking his calls and checking in on you; you are giving him the glimmer of a chance that your relationship could resume. I was with my previous ex 10 yrs - He had NEVER had a license and we live in a rural community. 30 days after I left; he had drivers license; a car, insurance and a new woman. They really need to sit in their own mess to realize they want out of it.
Peace to you!

dollydo

I would go no contact, he is your ex...cut the cord and move forward with your life...all your helping him in the past has not changed a thing, and nothing you do in the future will either.

Time for you to live your life!

SparkleKitty

He is an adult and capable of figuring out how to get what he needs. Right now, the solution is you. If you choose not to be his solution anymore, he will find another way. You don't owe him anything.

marie1960

I am certain that you were not put on this earth to be his driver/delivery person. If you want to be done, then be done.

I live in somewhat small town USA, and we have a bus that transports people without means. Takes them to the grocery store, doctor's appointments, pharmacy, actually it will take them wherever they need to go. All they have to do is call and make arrangements. (and it's handicapped accessible too)

I bet there are available services........

LexieCat

It sounds as if you can speak with him civilly, so I would suggest you tell him that for both of your sakes you don't think it's a good idea to stay in touch, and that you would appreciate it if he would respect that and not call anymore.

At that point, you can screen your calls and stop answering his. If you need to, you can change your number, or it may be possible to block the calls.

You aren't being horrible and cruel. There are, as marie noted, services that can help him if he needs help. You are no longer responsible for him.

It's tough, but a lot tougher if you allow this to go on.

Punkin50

Thank you all so much for your opinion and advice. I take it all to heart and I know I just have to cut the ties and rebuild my life. Again, I appreciage your advice and I love you all.