Day 26 Visiting my Dad
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Wolverhampton
Posts: 77
Day 26 Visiting my Dad
I'm having a real issue visiting my Dad at the minute.
He drinks way too much, he was in hospital late last year seen him 3 times over Xmas and he was drunk and people have told they've seen him drunk.
I'm not one to have ago at my Dad because he threatens to kill himself and I think that's just stuck in my mind over the years
He drinks way too much, he was in hospital late last year seen him 3 times over Xmas and he was drunk and people have told they've seen him drunk.
I'm not one to have ago at my Dad because he threatens to kill himself and I think that's just stuck in my mind over the years
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
There's a great passage in "The Language of Letting Go" about separating from Family Issues (Jan 4th reading). I'll just paraphrase the highlights. Melody Beattie says we can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary between ourselves and our nuclear family. We may love our family, but we are separate human beings with individual rights and issues. We have the right to begin feeling better and recovering, whether or not others in the family choose to do the same. We don't have to take on our family's issues as our own to show we love them.
She goes on to say that when we begin taking care of ourselves, family will often make overt and covert attempts to pull us back into the old system and roles. We don't have to go. Their attempts to pull us back are their issues. Taking care of ourselves doesn't mean we don't love them, it means we're addressing our own issues.
We don't have to judge them because they have issues; nor do we have to allow them to do anything they would like to us just because they are family.
I have read that passage many times. I had to disconnect from my brother due to his A issues. I love him, but I can not be part of his life while he is active in addiction. Your Dad's suicidal threats are typical A manipulation to keep you engaged. I would suggest you find an AlAnon group, and learn to detach with love from your Dad while you focus on your own health.
She goes on to say that when we begin taking care of ourselves, family will often make overt and covert attempts to pull us back into the old system and roles. We don't have to go. Their attempts to pull us back are their issues. Taking care of ourselves doesn't mean we don't love them, it means we're addressing our own issues.
We don't have to judge them because they have issues; nor do we have to allow them to do anything they would like to us just because they are family.
I have read that passage many times. I had to disconnect from my brother due to his A issues. I love him, but I can not be part of his life while he is active in addiction. Your Dad's suicidal threats are typical A manipulation to keep you engaged. I would suggest you find an AlAnon group, and learn to detach with love from your Dad while you focus on your own health.
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