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My 6 year old is lying to me....is this because of his dad??

Old 01-22-2013, 09:06 PM
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My 6 year old is lying to me....is this because of his dad??

Hey,
I have recently caught my 6 year old in some whoppers. When confronted he shows no remorse or gives no apologies. He just kind of admitted it that was that! My AH got a DUI in September and promised my kids he would never drink again..ever! Of course he started drinking again and is back to smelling like alcohol and slurring words almost on a daily basis. Meanwhile, when my kids confront him he lies and says he's not drinking.

I know the answer is to leave...I don't need to hear that. I'm just wondering and it's probably stupid to even wonder, but if you all think this is because he sees his dad lying and thinks it's ok. I'm thinking about putting them in therapy...
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Old 01-23-2013, 03:53 AM
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I think its a very good idea to put children who are living with an active alcoholic in therapy.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:38 AM
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Many times children mimic their role models.

I agee with Hopefulmom, therapy might be a good idea.
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:53 AM
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I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. It's so hard.

my experience is that all of my kids lied at age 6, even the oldest who was 6 when my AH wasn't yet drinking. All of my kids were affected by living with an active alcoholic. They grew out of lying but they will never grow out of being children of an alcoholic. Therapy is an option. There are also many library books about family addiction that helped my kids to talk about what was going on and how they felt. If you go the therapy route, be sure and get someone skilled in dealing with alcoholism and not just trained to deal with children.
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Old 01-23-2013, 05:19 AM
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6 year old are just that 6....they DONT know any better...
but now is the time to change that...i would not blame this on the A...(it doesnt help) but try to separate the two issues here....

therapy? of course...this little person has so much going on in his little head...

just one mother to another...
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Old 01-23-2013, 06:48 AM
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Kids absorb things like sponges...
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Old 01-23-2013, 09:51 AM
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6 yr olds test boundries...he's testing you..the no remorse thing would concern me a bit..did you punish him (take away toys, tv time, send him to his room, assign extra chore)? Or just call him out on it and let it pass?
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Old 01-23-2013, 09:56 AM
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I lied a lot when I was very young.

I lied because I was scared.

It was a survival skill.

I actually teared up when I read your post, your child may be in a lot of pain, I was.
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:22 AM
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katiekate - hugs
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:23 AM
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I dont know what your home life is but maybe his behavior is a cry for help?
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:10 PM
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Originally Posted by bamboo10 View Post
I dont know what your home life is but maybe his behavior is a cry for help?
agreed
its a wake up call....

time to do something about it..dont you think?message is loud and clear
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:28 PM
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What kind of lies are they? A certain amount of lying is normal childhood behavior. Even children who are raised in good homes with strong values tell the occasional lie. Obviously it's not OK behavior, and has to be corrected, but not everything is attributable to having a parent who's an alcoholic.

I'm not saying that it isn't attributable to that, just that it may not be.

And certainly, life with an alcoholic parent is not the greatest situation for any child.
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:43 PM
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It could very much be. It could also be just being a kid.
In my opinion I would not think it were because his father has lied but more about his father having a drinking problem and him acting out.
After all parents will lie or shave off some truth to protect their children ...
However the issue isnt the lying it is the downward and obvious spiral your husband is taking
And then breaking a serious promise that effects everyone in the house.
Lying has little to do with it. Its the disregard your child probably feels and like you caught up in living with an alcoholic.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:27 AM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
What kind of lies are they? A certain amount of lying is normal childhood behavior. Even children who are raised in good homes with strong values tell the occasional lie. Obviously it's not OK behavior, and has to be corrected, but not everything is attributable to having a parent who's an alcoholic.

I'm not saying that it isn't attributable to that, just that it may not be.

And certainly, life with an alcoholic parent is not the greatest situation for any child.
Thank you for all your kind replies. I know it is a horrible situation for my children. The lie was pretty big. He was taking his bagged lunch to school and throwing it away and then buying lunch everyday. I told him he was not to buy lunch this month because I was trying to save money. So he was charging it to his account! I got a letter from the school telling me how much I owed. I was shocked! He has a couple friends who buy everyday, so he wanted to be like them....
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Old 01-24-2013, 03:26 PM
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Originally Posted by caligirl71 View Post
Thank you for all your kind replies. I know it is a horrible situation for my children. The lie was pretty big. He was taking his bagged lunch to school and throwing it away and then buying lunch everyday. I told him he was not to buy lunch this month because I was trying to save money. So he was charging it to his account! I got a letter from the school telling me how much I owed. I was shocked! He has a couple friends who buy everyday, so he wanted to be like them....
Weellll... I don't think a 6-y/o really grasps the concept of credit. Mom and dad charge stuff, no money changes hands, you said you didn't have the money, he didn't spend money, he put it on his account...

I'm just thinking like a 6-y/o here. (Or like an alcoholic, take your pick. )

Did you ask him if he put it on his account and he denied it? THAT would be a deliberate lie (still not necessarily a huge red flag, kids lie to stay out of trouble).

I think you're right to be concerned about the example your husband is setting, but I wouldn't panic about the kiddo just yet--not about that particular incident, anyway.
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Old 01-24-2013, 04:09 PM
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A six year old in therapy who still has a drunk for a father. What good do you think will come of that?



Signed;

Ex-drunk dad who is now sober.
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Old 01-24-2013, 06:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Xune View Post
A six year old in therapy who still has a drunk for a father. What good do you think will come of that?



Signed;

Ex-drunk dad who is now sober.
Wow..that's pretty harsh! I am doing the best I can in my situation....!
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Old 01-24-2013, 07:19 PM
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The truth often is.
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Old 01-24-2013, 07:31 PM
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I have to put in my 2 cents..I have an 8 year old grandson that is just like his dad.
He has not been around him (his dad)much at all in his life and he's just like him to a T.

He lies and makes up stories all the time..all we do is call him out on it and point out to him that we know he is telling a lie and make him own up to it.

You can't let them get away with it when they are so young ..you got to let them know that it's not acceptable and there will be repercussions from lying.
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Old 01-24-2013, 07:31 PM
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With all due respect, xune, the child's mom does not have the option to make his dad not an alcoholic. She does, however, have the option of providing her son with therapy to assist him in coping with the sad reality of his dad's alcoholism.
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