My 6 year old is lying to me....is this because of his dad??
LOL @ 6-year-olds with "credit cards"...
All joking aside, is there any way you can take the money out of his account?
I also don't think this has anything to do with his father being an alcoholic. He has a couple friends who buy lunch and charge it to their accounts, it's like "look at me I'm cool because I can buy lunch with my credit card".
All joking aside, is there any way you can take the money out of his account?
I also don't think this has anything to do with his father being an alcoholic. He has a couple friends who buy lunch and charge it to their accounts, it's like "look at me I'm cool because I can buy lunch with my credit card".
The Following User Says Thank You to choublak For This Useful Post: | caligirl71 (01-25-2013)
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The six year old can see all the therapists in the world, but the six year old will still have a drunk for a father.
Instead of forcing the kid into therapy to help him deal with a drunk for a parent, maybe the problem of the 'alcoholic' parent should be dealt with?
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I would never "force" my kids to do anything they didn't want to! Do you really think it is that easy to "fix" my AH?? Wow...I am doing my best here. It really feels like you are judging me and I don't like it. I am a good mother to my kids. Not everyone has an easy out!!! I do the best I can given my situation.
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I would never "force" my kids to do anything they didn't want to! Do you really think it is that easy to "fix" my AH?? Wow...I am doing my best here. It really feels like you are judging me and I don't like it. I am a good mother to my kids. Not everyone has an easy out!!! I do the best I can given my situation.
I don't know if your son is lying because he's troubled by something, or because he is six. I was a nutcase about honesty from my kids...but they occassionally lied anyway.
The Following User Says Thank You to cece1960 For This Useful Post: | caligirl71 (01-25-2013)
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I would never "force" my kids to do anything they didn't want to! Do you really think it is that easy to "fix" my AH?? Wow...I am doing my best here. It really feels like you are judging me and I don't like it. I am a good mother to my kids. Not everyone has an easy out!!! I do the best I can given my situation.
Challenging you? Yes.
The Following User Says Thank You to Xune For This Useful Post: | ColetteTocca (01-25-2013)
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Cali - all you can do is do your best to fix yourself and your perceptions, which I can feel you are trying to do, so good on that! I agree that trying out some therapy for your son is probably a good idea. Even if you are still with AH, it gives your son a safe and neutral place to vent his feelings.
Xune, as a recovering 'alcoholic' yourself (I find it interesting that you put that in 'quotes'), I would think you would understand that challenging anyone who is struggling with any facet of this problem is most of the time not what they need to hear. Us people who love addicts have issues too. That's what makes it so sad for everyone included...
Xune, as a recovering 'alcoholic' yourself (I find it interesting that you put that in 'quotes'), I would think you would understand that challenging anyone who is struggling with any facet of this problem is most of the time not what they need to hear. Us people who love addicts have issues too. That's what makes it so sad for everyone included...
The Following User Says Thank You to AtATotalLoss For This Useful Post: | caligirl71 (01-25-2013)
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It really sounds like 6-year old behavior to me. At that age, social pressure starts to become real & they start to push at their boundaries a little bit more to see how far they can stretch them. School starts to get 'real' in terms of academics & sensitive kiddos feel that added stress. I agree that he probably didn't necessarily understand what 'charging to his account' even meant.
Yes, there's a possibility it's more about a grab for attention. My niece went through the worst, longest phase around that age of not caring whether she got positive or negative attention from adults.... just so long as she got any at all. She really wanted attention from her AF, but short of that she'd take whatever she could get to replace it. Does he act out in other ways & this is just one example of many different kinds of bad behavior? If not, I'd chalk it up to growing pains.
Yes, there's a possibility it's more about a grab for attention. My niece went through the worst, longest phase around that age of not caring whether she got positive or negative attention from adults.... just so long as she got any at all. She really wanted attention from her AF, but short of that she'd take whatever she could get to replace it. Does he act out in other ways & this is just one example of many different kinds of bad behavior? If not, I'd chalk it up to growing pains.

The Following User Says Thank You to FireSprite For This Useful Post: | caligirl71 (01-25-2013)
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What good would it be taking an obese child to a nutrionist and physical trainer, if back at home his parents are still putting massive amounts of unhealthy foods in front of him at home?
My entire point that I am trying to get across is for the OP to figure out what the root cause of the dysfunction is and then instead of treating the symptoms ( child acting out), deal with the underlying problem.
What would benefit a child more;
A safe and neutral place to vent about his drunk dad or a sober dad who is in recovery?
My entire point that I am trying to get across is for the OP to figure out what the root cause of the dysfunction is and then instead of treating the symptoms ( child acting out), deal with the underlying problem.
What would benefit a child more;
A safe and neutral place to vent about his drunk dad or a sober dad who is in recovery?
What would benefit a child more;
A safe and neutral place to vent about his drunk dad or a sober dad who is in recovery?
Because yes, obviously having the child's dad in recovery would be ideal.... but IMO not something that his spouse can dictate or control. She has no choice but to treat the symptoms.... it's not her disease.
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The OP was openly threatening her AH that she was leaving him. He told her to divorce him if he ever drank again.
Two weeks ago OP was excited her AH was in recovery.
Sounds like a bluff has been called and now therapy for the kids is being considered?
The underlying problem is what? The kids have an actively using drunk for a father.
The drunk Dad keeps using..but the kids are the ones being considered for therapy...because of the addict.
Seems backwards to me.
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I guess my point is that even if she exercises that boundary & leaves (which I agree with the bluff being called) that doesn't force dad in recovery OR solve Jr's problems.
Likely the child would have an even GREATER need for therapy, no? Even if the OP moves on, the child STILL has an active alcoholic for a father. Nothing changes that fact until HE himself decides to seek recovery.
It IS backward, but it's the type of choice family members are left with when someone in their family is an active alcoholic.
Do you have any experience on this side of the fence Xune? (I'm asking respectfully, not with 'tude
) Are your experiences with alcoholism limited to BEING the alcoholic the way that mine are limited to being a Codie?
Likely the child would have an even GREATER need for therapy, no? Even if the OP moves on, the child STILL has an active alcoholic for a father. Nothing changes that fact until HE himself decides to seek recovery.
It IS backward, but it's the type of choice family members are left with when someone in their family is an active alcoholic.
Do you have any experience on this side of the fence Xune? (I'm asking respectfully, not with 'tude

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Xune
I understand what your saying . You make a valid point. A very valid point
But lets not forget that it is ridiculously hard to love an addict and the journey is to each their own
I understand what your saying . You make a valid point. A very valid point
But lets not forget that it is ridiculously hard to love an addict and the journey is to each their own
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The Following User Says Thank You to Justfor1 For This Useful Post: | caligirl71 (01-25-2013)
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Caligirl,
From my experience, I think what makes this harder for you is the ommision of what was going on involved money. As a newly single mom who went from a very cushy lifestyle to trying to raise two boys on my own, on just my salary, (because he would not make child support or daycare payments), oh I understand how tight money can be.
From my personal experience, my five year old, who normally never lies, just told his Dad on the phone the other night that the "Practice Lockdown" the school had was because there was gunman outside their Kindergarden class window with a shot gun and tons of police had to come. Whoa! Talk about a whopper! My STBXAH immediately had me on the phone to explain what the heck happened. Took a while to calm him down but when I explained that he would have seen it on some news if it had happened, he got it. (Don't worry we had a long talk about telling the truth)
He was told a little about the Sandy Hook incident from an older child at after school care. Nice....Anyway, I think at around this age they still are not all together sure about right and wrong and truth and make believe. Use this as a learning tool about that just because he did not tell you does not, make it not a lie. (Bad Grammer!) And that when money is involved that it can affect things like food for dinner, new shoes, being able to pay for TV bills, etc. (Stuff they will relate to.)
Unless your son saw something directly related to an incident like this, I think it was most just your son making a bad decision.
Good luck Mom, it is not always easy,
4MyBoys
From my experience, I think what makes this harder for you is the ommision of what was going on involved money. As a newly single mom who went from a very cushy lifestyle to trying to raise two boys on my own, on just my salary, (because he would not make child support or daycare payments), oh I understand how tight money can be.
From my personal experience, my five year old, who normally never lies, just told his Dad on the phone the other night that the "Practice Lockdown" the school had was because there was gunman outside their Kindergarden class window with a shot gun and tons of police had to come. Whoa! Talk about a whopper! My STBXAH immediately had me on the phone to explain what the heck happened. Took a while to calm him down but when I explained that he would have seen it on some news if it had happened, he got it. (Don't worry we had a long talk about telling the truth)
He was told a little about the Sandy Hook incident from an older child at after school care. Nice....Anyway, I think at around this age they still are not all together sure about right and wrong and truth and make believe. Use this as a learning tool about that just because he did not tell you does not, make it not a lie. (Bad Grammer!) And that when money is involved that it can affect things like food for dinner, new shoes, being able to pay for TV bills, etc. (Stuff they will relate to.)
Unless your son saw something directly related to an incident like this, I think it was most just your son making a bad decision.
Good luck Mom, it is not always easy,
4MyBoys
The Following User Says Thank You to 4MyBoys For This Useful Post: | caligirl71 (01-25-2013)
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Thanks but I don't need to be challenged. I have enough challenges to overcome in my everyday life. I come here for support, not to be challenged. I wish my AH would seek recovery but I am not able to make him. Believe me, I wish I could. So for now I take things one day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time. In the meantime I find comfort in this board because others understand what I am going thru when my close friends and family just don't!
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Thanks but I don't need to be challenged. I have enough challenges to overcome in my everyday life. I come here for support, not to be challenged. I wish my AH would seek recovery but I am not able to make him. Believe me, I wish I could. So for now I take things one day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time. In the meantime I find comfort in this board because others understand what I am going thru when my close friends and family just don't!

"The remark about a sick parent being behind a young child with problems disturbed me to the point that I shoved it to the rear where I couldn't see it."
The Interventionist, page 299.
Joani Gammill
"No matter what maladaptive behaviours a child is exhibiting, I can guarantee you that the problem is almost certainly with the entire family, and most often the child is just the sacrificial lamb dragged to the altar of the counsellor because he or she happens to be making the most noise and has the least amount of power or ability to shift the focus to someone else."
Family First, page 5.
Dr. Phil
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Xune For This Useful Post: | ColetteTocca (01-26-2013),
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You know very well what option is available to the OP.
The OP was openly threatening her AH that she was leaving him. He told her to divorce him if he ever drank again.
Two weeks ago OP was excited her AH was in recovery.
Sounds like a bluff has been called and now therapy for the kids is being considered?
The underlying problem is what? The kids have an actively using drunk for a father.
The drunk Dad keeps using..but the kids are the ones being considered for therapy...because of the addict.
Seems backwards to me.
The OP was openly threatening her AH that she was leaving him. He told her to divorce him if he ever drank again.
Two weeks ago OP was excited her AH was in recovery.
Sounds like a bluff has been called and now therapy for the kids is being considered?
The underlying problem is what? The kids have an actively using drunk for a father.
The drunk Dad keeps using..but the kids are the ones being considered for therapy...because of the addict.
Seems backwards to me.
The Following User Says Thank You to Katiekate For This Useful Post: | ColetteTocca (01-26-2013)
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