Need advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2
Need advice
I'm posting here because I'm feeling kind of ashamed of my situathion and need some good advice. I married my husband 4 years ago and he is a wonderful guy. I really want it to last forever. He is truly my best friend and love of my life.
The problem is that over the last year, I have been finding empty bottles hidden around our house and garage in strange places. Every now and then he will sneak off and pound back and bottle, and the next thing I know he's incoherent or argumentative. I have been dealing with it the best I can, but cant admit this to my friends or family. He always downplays his drinking and lies about what he's had to drink. He works a night shift, so I suspect he's home during the day drinking. By the time I come home he's asleep (maybe passed out?)
I have tried telling him that this is affecting our relationship as well as my teenage kids, who live with us. When he feels he's "screwed up", he be good for as long as he can and then does it again....it's becoming a cycle.
Today I felt my heart pounding as I searched the house for the bottles. I really felt sick that I had stooped to searching. I hate that it has progressed to this, and although he loves me, he doesn't get how painful this is to me. Today he drank most of a bottle of tequila and there's a full bottle of rum missing. I can't keep any liquor in the house for myself. It disappears fast.
Should I be continuing to search for these bottles and dumping them out? I have read that you shouldn't throw out hidden bottles, but I get so angry when I find them.
Has anyone had any similar experience they can share? I'm really frustrated. We are going away on holidays next week and I feel like this is going to ruin the time we are going to be spending together.
The problem is that over the last year, I have been finding empty bottles hidden around our house and garage in strange places. Every now and then he will sneak off and pound back and bottle, and the next thing I know he's incoherent or argumentative. I have been dealing with it the best I can, but cant admit this to my friends or family. He always downplays his drinking and lies about what he's had to drink. He works a night shift, so I suspect he's home during the day drinking. By the time I come home he's asleep (maybe passed out?)
I have tried telling him that this is affecting our relationship as well as my teenage kids, who live with us. When he feels he's "screwed up", he be good for as long as he can and then does it again....it's becoming a cycle.
Today I felt my heart pounding as I searched the house for the bottles. I really felt sick that I had stooped to searching. I hate that it has progressed to this, and although he loves me, he doesn't get how painful this is to me. Today he drank most of a bottle of tequila and there's a full bottle of rum missing. I can't keep any liquor in the house for myself. It disappears fast.
Should I be continuing to search for these bottles and dumping them out? I have read that you shouldn't throw out hidden bottles, but I get so angry when I find them.
Has anyone had any similar experience they can share? I'm really frustrated. We are going away on holidays next week and I feel like this is going to ruin the time we are going to be spending together.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Throwing out the bottles does no good, and only makes him feel like a child whose mom has taken away his toys. And, worse yet, you FEEL like his mom.
I think every one of us has dealt with similar situations. I was married to two men who were alcoholics, and the hiding and lying and sneaking are part of the disease. I am four years sober, myself, now, and I found myself doing the same thing. We can't stop drinking but we want to avoid the consequences (including angry and disapproving loved ones) at all costs.
I strongly suggest you get yourself to some Al-Anon meetings. It will calm down some of the craziness in your head and teach you how to make good decisions that will protect you and your children. Nobody will tell you to stay or to go--that's a very personal decision, but one you can't make while your head is spinning.
I think every one of us has dealt with similar situations. I was married to two men who were alcoholics, and the hiding and lying and sneaking are part of the disease. I am four years sober, myself, now, and I found myself doing the same thing. We can't stop drinking but we want to avoid the consequences (including angry and disapproving loved ones) at all costs.
I strongly suggest you get yourself to some Al-Anon meetings. It will calm down some of the craziness in your head and teach you how to make good decisions that will protect you and your children. Nobody will tell you to stay or to go--that's a very personal decision, but one you can't make while your head is spinning.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR Family!
This is a wonderful resource of support and information. Make yourself comfortable. Post, vent and read as often as needed; we understand.
Here is a link to a post that contains steps which helped me while living with active alcoholism in my home:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
That post is one of my favorite sticky posts. Sticky posts are permanent posts that are preserved at the top of each section of this website. The sticky posts contain some of our stories. I find lots of wisdom in those posts.
This is a wonderful resource of support and information. Make yourself comfortable. Post, vent and read as often as needed; we understand.
Here is a link to a post that contains steps which helped me while living with active alcoholism in my home:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
That post is one of my favorite sticky posts. Sticky posts are permanent posts that are preserved at the top of each section of this website. The sticky posts contain some of our stories. I find lots of wisdom in those posts.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
BTDT looking for bottles and dumping them. Heck, it got to the point where I'd find empties instead of full or half empties. I think the last time I found 3 empty 5ths of vodka and they ended up smashed on the garage floor and his motorcycle tires flattened with pics sent to his phone to be very careful when cleaning it up.
ALANON will be good for you. So sorry you are here.
ALANON will be good for you. So sorry you are here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz 
BTDT looking for bottles and dumping them. Heck, it got to the point where I'd find empties instead of full or half empties. I think the last time I found 3 empty 5ths of vodka and they ended up smashed on the garage floor and his motorcycle tires flattened with pics sent to his phone to be very careful when cleaning it up.
ALANON will be good for you. So sorry you are here.
ALANON will be good for you. So sorry you are here.
Oh my. My boundary was NO ALCOHOL in my home...zero. When I found bottles in my house I would go into a rage. I took great pleasure in smashing every beer bottle on the garage floor to insure he couldn't wrestle them from me before it was running on the floor. He never stooped to licking off the floor although I could see his sickness in his eyes and the thought possibly being there... it was like sticking a knife in his "baby". Alcoholics that are actively using panic when they are afraid their "stash" is gone and they might have to detox unwillingly.
When we get so angry that we get mean and malicious back it is time to stop the insanity by stepping off the crazy train or elevator to madness.
Memories... thank goodness they are in the past.
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