The A's newest accusation: I HATE him
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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The A's newest accusation: I HATE him
Got into a big blowup two nights ago with the AH stomping around the house because I wasn't talking to him. It was wild to just sit there silently and watch him going off. I was scared, but I didn't say a word or make any effort to even express myself nonverbally. I just gave him a blank look. Sure, I'm angry about the benders and I'm certainly shocked at how cynical and nasty he's become since he's returned from Iraq. At least in the "old days" he was one of those life-of-the-party "happy drunks" and seemed far more tolerant and laid back (even when drunk) than he does now.
Anyway, it boiled down to him saying to me over and over with varying degrees of emphatic rage: "YOU HATE ME ... YOU HATE MY GUTS." The way he sees it, my silent treatment equates to my hating him. (Not that I put much stock in what an active A claims to think....) Anyway, he was telling me what I thought of him, telling me I didn't even want to listen to him (I think the entire neighborhood was listening to him unless they are all deaf!), and telling me he couldn't live "this way" any longer. "Just look at the way you're looking at me - that look of disgust and hatred on your face." (Mind you, I'm looking as blank as a stone, but he's on a roll by now.)
I'm not sure what it was I was supposed to be listening to, because he ended up stomping down to the kitchen, pounding his hand on the counters, turning one of the gas stove burners on (huh???), stomping out on the deck, coming back in, and finally gulping down a fair amount of scotch. The only thing I said to him was, "You have a right to believe whatever you choose to believe - it's a democracy."
But after hearing this "You hate me" diatribe for awhile, I started feeling the anger rising up. Who the heck was this jerk to be telling me what I think/believe/feel??? Since when is he a mindreader? I got sick of being told what he has unilaterally decided is going on in my mind. How would he know my mind when he doesn't even have the clarity to know his own thoughts?
I finally got up and left him to his own beliefs. One of the new "gems" of illumination I've gotten lately is: women marry guys then take them for all they can get and he just KNOWS I'm going to take him for whatever I can get. (This illuminating tidbit rates right up there with the now-infamous "hate diatribe.")
He seems pretty much convinced that every woman he's ever been involved with hates him, and he knows it's because of "something" about him that makes them feel this way. Mind you, this started out as an unemotional passing comment that his former wife must have hated him because she steered clear of him for most of the last two years they were married. Now he's on a roll with the hate "thing."
Thanks for letting me vent. Y'know, it's not that I HATE him, I just don't like his philosophy and the more I think about it, I just don't like him in a sad-about-it way anymore....
Anyway, it boiled down to him saying to me over and over with varying degrees of emphatic rage: "YOU HATE ME ... YOU HATE MY GUTS." The way he sees it, my silent treatment equates to my hating him. (Not that I put much stock in what an active A claims to think....) Anyway, he was telling me what I thought of him, telling me I didn't even want to listen to him (I think the entire neighborhood was listening to him unless they are all deaf!), and telling me he couldn't live "this way" any longer. "Just look at the way you're looking at me - that look of disgust and hatred on your face." (Mind you, I'm looking as blank as a stone, but he's on a roll by now.)
I'm not sure what it was I was supposed to be listening to, because he ended up stomping down to the kitchen, pounding his hand on the counters, turning one of the gas stove burners on (huh???), stomping out on the deck, coming back in, and finally gulping down a fair amount of scotch. The only thing I said to him was, "You have a right to believe whatever you choose to believe - it's a democracy."
But after hearing this "You hate me" diatribe for awhile, I started feeling the anger rising up. Who the heck was this jerk to be telling me what I think/believe/feel??? Since when is he a mindreader? I got sick of being told what he has unilaterally decided is going on in my mind. How would he know my mind when he doesn't even have the clarity to know his own thoughts?
I finally got up and left him to his own beliefs. One of the new "gems" of illumination I've gotten lately is: women marry guys then take them for all they can get and he just KNOWS I'm going to take him for whatever I can get. (This illuminating tidbit rates right up there with the now-infamous "hate diatribe.")
He seems pretty much convinced that every woman he's ever been involved with hates him, and he knows it's because of "something" about him that makes them feel this way. Mind you, this started out as an unemotional passing comment that his former wife must have hated him because she steered clear of him for most of the last two years they were married. Now he's on a roll with the hate "thing."
Thanks for letting me vent. Y'know, it's not that I HATE him, I just don't like his philosophy and the more I think about it, I just don't like him in a sad-about-it way anymore....
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
Re: The A's newest accusation: I HATE him
(((prodigal)))
I am so sorry you're having such a hard time. I'm with you on this one.
My H always has to turn everything on me. "You don't love me anymore." "You don't trust me." "If you would just (love me, hug me, kiss me, blah, blah, blah)..."
It's always me that's the problem and always him that's the injured party.
It would be so much easier to hate him. I don't hate him and hope I never do but it is so much harder to be sad.
Hugs - L
I am so sorry you're having such a hard time. I'm with you on this one.
My H always has to turn everything on me. "You don't love me anymore." "You don't trust me." "If you would just (love me, hug me, kiss me, blah, blah, blah)..."
It's always me that's the problem and always him that's the injured party.
It would be so much easier to hate him. I don't hate him and hope I never do but it is so much harder to be sad.
Hugs - L
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: close to the FLAMES!!
Posts: 129
Re: The A's newest accusation: I HATE him
It sounds like your ah is starting to see a pattern in his life, even if he isn't quite understanding the whole correlation yet.
It is so frustrating when they assume they know what we're thinking, etc. Good for you for not participating in his crazy accusations.
I can relate to what you said about not HATING him- its good that you can seperate the man from the behaviors that are caused from his addiction.
-sfg29
It is so frustrating when they assume they know what we're thinking, etc. Good for you for not participating in his crazy accusations.
I can relate to what you said about not HATING him- its good that you can seperate the man from the behaviors that are caused from his addiction.
-sfg29
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Re: The A's newest accusation: I HATE him
I'm not defending him, I'm only wondering if his stint in Iraq shook him up in someway.
Other than that it's not worth it to participate in their wierd rants.
Ngaire
Other than that it's not worth it to participate in their wierd rants.
Ngaire
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
Re: The A's newest accusation: I HATE him
Originally Posted by prodigal
Got into a big blowup two nights ago with the AH stomping around the house because I wasn't talking to him. It was wild to just sit there silently and watch him going off. I was scared, but I didn't say a word or make any effort to even express myself nonverbally. I just gave him a blank look. Sure, I'm angry about the benders and I'm certainly shocked at how cynical and nasty he's become since he's returned from Iraq. At least in the "old days" he was one of those life-of-the-party "happy drunks" and seemed far more tolerant and laid back (even when drunk) than he does now.
Anyway, it boiled down to him saying to me over and over with varying degrees of emphatic rage: "YOU HATE ME ... YOU HATE MY GUTS." The way he sees it, my silent treatment equates to my hating him. (Not that I put much stock in what an active A claims to think....) Anyway, he was telling me what I thought of him, telling me I didn't even want to listen to him (I think the entire neighborhood was listening to him unless they are all deaf!), and telling me he couldn't live "this way" any longer. "Just look at the way you're looking at me - that look of disgust and hatred on your face." (Mind you, I'm looking as blank as a stone, but he's on a roll by now.)
I'm not sure what it was I was supposed to be listening to, because he ended up stomping down to the kitchen, pounding his hand on the counters, turning one of the gas stove burners on (huh???), stomping out on the deck, coming back in, and finally gulping down a fair amount of scotch. The only thing I said to him was, "You have a right to believe whatever you choose to believe - it's a democracy."
But after hearing this "You hate me" diatribe for awhile, I started feeling the anger rising up. Who the heck was this jerk to be telling me what I think/believe/feel??? Since when is he a mindreader? I got sick of being told what he has unilaterally decided is going on in my mind. How would he know my mind when he doesn't even have the clarity to know his own thoughts?
I finally got up and left him to his own beliefs. One of the new "gems" of illumination I've gotten lately is: women marry guys then take them for all they can get and he just KNOWS I'm going to take him for whatever I can get. (This illuminating tidbit rates right up there with the now-infamous "hate diatribe.")
He seems pretty much convinced that every woman he's ever been involved with hates him, and he knows it's because of "something" about him that makes them feel this way. Mind you, this started out as an unemotional passing comment that his former wife must have hated him because she steered clear of him for most of the last two years they were married. Now he's on a roll with the hate "thing."
Thanks for letting me vent. Y'know, it's not that I HATE him, I just don't like his philosophy and the more I think about it, I just don't like him in a sad-about-it way anymore....
Anyway, it boiled down to him saying to me over and over with varying degrees of emphatic rage: "YOU HATE ME ... YOU HATE MY GUTS." The way he sees it, my silent treatment equates to my hating him. (Not that I put much stock in what an active A claims to think....) Anyway, he was telling me what I thought of him, telling me I didn't even want to listen to him (I think the entire neighborhood was listening to him unless they are all deaf!), and telling me he couldn't live "this way" any longer. "Just look at the way you're looking at me - that look of disgust and hatred on your face." (Mind you, I'm looking as blank as a stone, but he's on a roll by now.)
I'm not sure what it was I was supposed to be listening to, because he ended up stomping down to the kitchen, pounding his hand on the counters, turning one of the gas stove burners on (huh???), stomping out on the deck, coming back in, and finally gulping down a fair amount of scotch. The only thing I said to him was, "You have a right to believe whatever you choose to believe - it's a democracy."
But after hearing this "You hate me" diatribe for awhile, I started feeling the anger rising up. Who the heck was this jerk to be telling me what I think/believe/feel??? Since when is he a mindreader? I got sick of being told what he has unilaterally decided is going on in my mind. How would he know my mind when he doesn't even have the clarity to know his own thoughts?
I finally got up and left him to his own beliefs. One of the new "gems" of illumination I've gotten lately is: women marry guys then take them for all they can get and he just KNOWS I'm going to take him for whatever I can get. (This illuminating tidbit rates right up there with the now-infamous "hate diatribe.")
He seems pretty much convinced that every woman he's ever been involved with hates him, and he knows it's because of "something" about him that makes them feel this way. Mind you, this started out as an unemotional passing comment that his former wife must have hated him because she steered clear of him for most of the last two years they were married. Now he's on a roll with the hate "thing."
Thanks for letting me vent. Y'know, it's not that I HATE him, I just don't like his philosophy and the more I think about it, I just don't like him in a sad-about-it way anymore....
What he is thinking and feeling has nothing to do with you at all. The one who truely hates him........ is him.
Love
Patsy
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 29
Re: The A's newest accusation: I HATE him
Hi Prodigal, I have been in your position many times. Enough to know that it isn't you he hates, it is himself. My son just got back from 1 year in Iraq and he told me he was with many men whose wives have left them, perhaps your husband is scared of that, and confused with the feelings of what he saw and went through over there. The classes they take are suppose to help them reintegrate into normal society, I hope that helps him. Good idea to stay quiet and not inflame the situation. It only took me years and years to learn that! Patience and stay safe!
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