choublak

Expanding on these:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-members.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...vent-rant.html

The grandmothers of my RABF have varying degrees of dementia. Their behaviors remind me of him when he was on his drunken benders. I get mad and harbor resentments toward them.

LaTeeDa

Good for you for recognizing it.

I recently realized that the victim/martyr mentality is a huge trigger for me. This is how my mother approached life. It taught me many dysfunctional/harmful habits and beliefs. I need to avoid those people like the plague.

I think recognizing why it triggers you is a step toward sorting it out. Do you have a counselor or someone with experience in dementia you can talk about it with?

L

choublak

Well, for starters, the fact that talking to them is/was just like talking to the bf when he was drunk...

Having to repeat the same thing, as well as having the same conversation, 100 times...

choublak

Also, the grandmother with the A husband who died at 55: how is she so pleasant 24/7? Why isn't she mad? How has she not been the least bit affected? And knowing that her grandson has the exact same problem as her husband did, why hasn't she said anything to me?

choublak

Another thing is this grandmother with the deceased AH is so overly helpful, and I KNOW her husband took advantage of this; and that makes me angry. I don't know why.

redatlanta

Perhaps the Grandmother who had the A husband is happy because he is gone and no longer her problem.

choublak

Why hasn't she said anything to me though? I have a right to know (there goes my false sense of entitlement again!)

choublak

Also, and most importantly, why do I feel like this?

redatlanta

I don't know for sure but if I had a guess it would be that she has lived through one A - he's gone and she isn't interested in becoming involved with another even if its her own grandson.

Been there done that kinda thing.

Why do you care or why are you angry - perhaps you were thinking you would find a kindred spirit in her and she isn't interested - hurts your feelings? Feel that she is obligated to help?

choublak

Now that I think about it, I honestly doubt she is even aware that her grandson is an A because he is in recovery and she has dementia in that every day is a surprise to her. She can't remember what she has in her refrigerator so she probably doesn't remember the few times he was drunk around her.

The refrigerator comment wasn't meant to be mean; she literally can't remember.