Ouch.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Ouch.
Well, I knew this would happen. As soon as axbf starts dating someone else he has to inundate the internet with photos of this person. And I know I shouldn't have been looking for this information in the first place. I don't want to care any more.
I admit I am angry, jealous and bitter even though this poor girl has no idea what she is in for.
I know the feelings are irrational but maybe this is the final kick in the pants I need in order to move on... let's hope!
I deserve to be happy.
I admit I am angry, jealous and bitter even though this poor girl has no idea what she is in for.
I know the feelings are irrational but maybe this is the final kick in the pants I need in order to move on... let's hope!
I deserve to be happy.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Orland, CA
Posts: 11
I understand how you are feeling. I cut off contact with my ex and he doesnt use the internet but i keep wondering if he has someone new and that thought kills me. If he didnt get sober with me then will he do it with her? that thought breaks my heart, but i just have to remember that its his life and his problem so now that will be her too. i am just focusing on letting go and moving forward. its hard as hell and the tears flow daily, but there is a guy out there waiting who doesnt have his issues. just remember that you will have a great life and be glad that you dont have to have those issues anymore....i hope that helps!
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choublak,
I honestly have no idea, I don't think it's been too long. I don't know why I even care anymore, I've been in therapy trying to get over the abusive behavior and I should just be glad that he's gone. I've been trying to let go for months but it's been very hard.
I honestly have no idea, I don't think it's been too long. I don't know why I even care anymore, I've been in therapy trying to get over the abusive behavior and I should just be glad that he's gone. I've been trying to let go for months but it's been very hard.
Stoic
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wash D.C.
Posts: 321
Show me an A that left one of us, and then went on to live happily ever after with someone else, and I'll show you someone that should have played the lottery...one in a million.
They might be happy now, or next month, or for the next year....but it won't last, and it won't end up well..in the long run.
Whether that makes us happy, or sad, of course depends on us.
They might be happy now, or next month, or for the next year....but it won't last, and it won't end up well..in the long run.
Whether that makes us happy, or sad, of course depends on us.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Costa Mesa, ca
Posts: 46
I am new here but I can definitely relate to that feeling. When my ex boyfriend and I broke up years ago in the midst of his addiction he did the same, posting a million happily ever after pictures with his new (stripper) girlfriend. Strangely enough I immediately thought "she must be stronger than me", or "he must have really loved her and gotten sober" and also "maybe I was the crazy one and he wasn't that bad in his addiction". Talking to him 2 years later he has admitted she was just a nice buddy to use with and a great way to take the attention off of himself...it's crazy how far from reality jealousy can take our minds. Best of luck to you.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Know what? It doesn't matter. Maybe he will get sober and they will be very happy. Good for them. Maybe he won't get sober and they will be miserable. Too bad, but it doesn't affect you.
When I left my last two relationships (the first one because he went back to drinking, the second one because he was a jerk) I tried to think of them as having moved to a separate dimension. A parallel universe. Nothing they did had to affect me any more, unless I allowed it to.
There's actually a lot of power in that idea. And freedom. Don't give it away.
When I left my last two relationships (the first one because he went back to drinking, the second one because he was a jerk) I tried to think of them as having moved to a separate dimension. A parallel universe. Nothing they did had to affect me any more, unless I allowed it to.
There's actually a lot of power in that idea. And freedom. Don't give it away.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 329
I fight the same crazy battle all the time! Hang in there! Truly we know we are better off but it still hurts! As much as it hurts and oh it does....I truly feel the good lord protected me time and time again by allowing me to run into a brick wall! If it wasn't for that brick wall I would be on a full time roller coaster ride to hell most of the time!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 198
Im so sorry for your pain. He was abusive and addicted when he was with you and he'll treat her the same way. I try to tell myself that about AH (if he's in a new r/s, I don't know one way or another) what an absolutely sh*tty partner he was. I'm trying very hard to stay away from his Facebook bc nothing I see on there will be beneficial to me. If he is in a new r/s, i try to take comfort in the fact that he will give alcohol and pot more attention than her.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 178
This is the same guy who just happened to get a job across the road from you? And now that you're not reacting to that pathetic move, he's upping the ante and using the old "Well, I've got a new woman, so there" move? That old chestnut, eh...
Like I said in my post about your other thread, he's going to keep on rubbing salt in the wound until you become immune to it. I know it's sometimes hard to step back from the situation and see it for what it is, but his move to the new office and social network bombardment with pictures of his (alleged) new girlfriend are proof enough he has way too much time on his hands. Rather than being busy spending that time on his new job or alleged girlfriend, he is spending it thinking up transparent ways to get a rise out of you.
I hope you can use this knowledge to build your immunity to his nonsense.
Like I said in my post about your other thread, he's going to keep on rubbing salt in the wound until you become immune to it. I know it's sometimes hard to step back from the situation and see it for what it is, but his move to the new office and social network bombardment with pictures of his (alleged) new girlfriend are proof enough he has way too much time on his hands. Rather than being busy spending that time on his new job or alleged girlfriend, he is spending it thinking up transparent ways to get a rise out of you.
I hope you can use this knowledge to build your immunity to his nonsense.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
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Thanks everyone...
It is painful but like I said, the girl has no idea what she is in for. He has a history of abuse. I am trying very hard to stop caring and focus on myself.
Audrey I don't think he is doing this on purpose to **** me off. He is a big, fat narcissist and having a woman that is interested in him is a big ego boost for him. He needs an accessory to trot around, that makes him feel important. Having to see him all of the time is not making it any easier to forget, that's for sure.
It is painful but like I said, the girl has no idea what she is in for. He has a history of abuse. I am trying very hard to stop caring and focus on myself.
Audrey I don't think he is doing this on purpose to **** me off. He is a big, fat narcissist and having a woman that is interested in him is a big ego boost for him. He needs an accessory to trot around, that makes him feel important. Having to see him all of the time is not making it any easier to forget, that's for sure.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I had this happen (my own fault for looking) about six months ago.
I was really upset for about 48hrs, and then it actually allowed me to further let stuff go. For me it was the final kick that gave me some motivation.
I needed to talk about it (without shame) and my feelings it triggered. It helped in the long run.
I was really upset for about 48hrs, and then it actually allowed me to further let stuff go. For me it was the final kick that gave me some motivation.
I needed to talk about it (without shame) and my feelings it triggered. It helped in the long run.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
The new girlfriend of today becomes the SR member of tomorrow....
I get it Ziggy, XABF even brought the GF to our office one day. Some coworkers told me "we do not know why he replaced you for her"
And I got angry.
1 I cannot be replaced by anyone.
2 The XABF said he got rid of me? I was the one who left him due to his alcohol addiction and emotional abuse. Ohh but of course none of that existed .. for him! Sheesh.
Anyway, I realized I was tired of XABF, of his "new romance" and of coworkers gossiping. I blocked him, I blocked her, I blocked common people we knew, and most of them turned out not to be MY friends anyway.
This is a stage and it will pass and you won't give a $$%&$, and it will be wonderful
Its true, none of it matters, whatever his destiny or "their destiny", he is who he is, and perhaps who he will always be, and now you know who he is and can't be fooled. Unfortunately there are many wounded women out there, either also in their active addiction, or in active codependency, or needing a morsel of attention so they believe whatever a man says and confuse toxicity with love...
Read the Melody Beatty books Codie no more is EXCELLENT! really, it does not matter, what happens with him nor "them". YOU are free
I get it Ziggy, XABF even brought the GF to our office one day. Some coworkers told me "we do not know why he replaced you for her"
And I got angry.
1 I cannot be replaced by anyone.
2 The XABF said he got rid of me? I was the one who left him due to his alcohol addiction and emotional abuse. Ohh but of course none of that existed .. for him! Sheesh.
Anyway, I realized I was tired of XABF, of his "new romance" and of coworkers gossiping. I blocked him, I blocked her, I blocked common people we knew, and most of them turned out not to be MY friends anyway.
This is a stage and it will pass and you won't give a $$%&$, and it will be wonderful
Its true, none of it matters, whatever his destiny or "their destiny", he is who he is, and perhaps who he will always be, and now you know who he is and can't be fooled. Unfortunately there are many wounded women out there, either also in their active addiction, or in active codependency, or needing a morsel of attention so they believe whatever a man says and confuse toxicity with love...
Read the Melody Beatty books
Codie no more is EXCELLENT! really, it does not matter, what happens with him nor "them". YOU are free Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Originally Posted by LifeRecovery 
I had this happen (my own fault for looking) about six months ago.
I was really upset for about 48hrs, and then it actually allowed me to further let stuff go. For me it was the final kick that gave me some motivation.
I needed to talk about it (without shame) and my feelings it triggered. It helped in the long run.
I was really upset for about 48hrs, and then it actually allowed me to further let stuff go. For me it was the final kick that gave me some motivation.
I needed to talk about it (without shame) and my feelings it triggered. It helped in the long run.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
The new girlfriend of today becomes the SR member of tomorrow....
I get it Ziggy, XABF even brought the GF to our office one day. Some coworkers told me "we do not know why he replaced you for her"
And I got angry.
1 I cannot be replaced by anyone.
2 The XABF said he got rid of me? I was the one who left him due to his alcohol addiction and emotional abuse. Ohh but of course none of that existed .. for him! Sheesh.
Anyway, I realized I was tired of XABF, of his "new romance" and of coworkers gossiping. I blocked him, I blocked her, I blocked common people we knew, and most of them turned out not to be MY friends anyway.
This is a stage and it will pass and you won't give a $$%&$, and it will be wonderful
Its true, none of it matters, whatever his destiny or "their destiny", he is who he is, and perhaps who he will always be, and now you know who he is and can't be fooled. Unfortunately there are many wounded women out there, either also in their active addiction, or in active codependency, or needing a morsel of attention so they believe whatever a man says and confuse toxicity with love...
Read the Melody Beatty books Codie no more is EXCELLENT! really, it does not matter, what happens with him nor "them". YOU are free
I get it Ziggy, XABF even brought the GF to our office one day. Some coworkers told me "we do not know why he replaced you for her"
And I got angry.
1 I cannot be replaced by anyone.
2 The XABF said he got rid of me? I was the one who left him due to his alcohol addiction and emotional abuse. Ohh but of course none of that existed .. for him! Sheesh.
Anyway, I realized I was tired of XABF, of his "new romance" and of coworkers gossiping. I blocked him, I blocked her, I blocked common people we knew, and most of them turned out not to be MY friends anyway.
This is a stage and it will pass and you won't give a $$%&$, and it will be wonderful
Its true, none of it matters, whatever his destiny or "their destiny", he is who he is, and perhaps who he will always be, and now you know who he is and can't be fooled. Unfortunately there are many wounded women out there, either also in their active addiction, or in active codependency, or needing a morsel of attention so they believe whatever a man says and confuse toxicity with love...
Read the Melody Beatty books
Codie no more is EXCELLENT! really, it does not matter, what happens with him nor "them". YOU are free A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Its a process Ziggy, honestly, mourning a XABF was the worst stage of my life. It was nothing like mourning "normal" (using the term loosely) ex boyfriends.
1 Dealing with a loss
2 Dealing with addiction
3 Dealing with abuse
4 Dealing with constant contact
5 Dealing with an ex's new relationship way sooner than any normal person (who usually takes some time off from relationships and does not broadcast stuff everywhere... just some basic manners) to add some salt to the wound.
PLUS dealing with the normal stresses of daily life, a job, transport, payments, etc.
It is not easy. This too will pass. I also checked their FB and stuff. I hit bottom in my codependency... one thing that helped me was placing a pic of myself as a kid/baby around, and thinking if that girl deserved to suffer so much and to obssess for someone who, truly, was not worth it...
It does get so much better, hang in there, you will make it :ghug3
1 Dealing with a loss
2 Dealing with addiction
3 Dealing with abuse
4 Dealing with constant contact
5 Dealing with an ex's new relationship way sooner than any normal person (who usually takes some time off from relationships and does not broadcast stuff everywhere... just some basic manners) to add some salt to the wound.
PLUS dealing with the normal stresses of daily life, a job, transport, payments, etc.
It is not easy. This too will pass. I also checked their FB and stuff. I hit bottom in my codependency... one thing that helped me was placing a pic of myself as a kid/baby around, and thinking if that girl deserved to suffer so much and to obssess for someone who, truly, was not worth it...
It does get so much better, hang in there, you will make it :ghug3
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Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
Its a process Ziggy, honestly, mourning a XABF was the worst stage of my life. It was nothing like mourning "normal" (using the term loosely) ex boyfriends.
This was by far the worst breakup I have ever had - even my ex husband was nicer to me when we got our divorce. It's not just the loss but dealing with the aftermath of the abuse and the co-dependent crazies... :P
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Yes Ziggy you deserve to be happy & one day my friend you will be.
It is a process you must go through.
As Helen Keller said : the only way out is through
I truly believe that.
It definitely won't be all roses with new gf & I know you know that.
I know it's hard, sorry for your hurt, big hugs :ghug3
Takingcharge, I love your description, it's priceless:
The new girlfriend of today becomes the SR member of tomorrow....
It is a process you must go through.
As Helen Keller said : the only way out is through
I truly believe that.
It definitely won't be all roses with new gf & I know you know that.
I know it's hard, sorry for your hurt, big hugs :ghug3
Takingcharge, I love your description, it's priceless:
The new girlfriend of today becomes the SR member of tomorrow....
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