lonestarhog

Hello new friends!

We intervened on a friend yesterday for his drinking and he agreed to go to rehab (HUGE success!). He is well known around town and is embarrassed of his problem and does not want people knowing about his 30 day "vacation". He has asked me to cancel some meetings and engagements for him but wants me to tell the people he is extremely sick or he has left town. Now, I have access to his facebook page but I do not have access to his phone or email. If these people get suspicious that this random person is cancelling engagements, the first thing they will do is call or text him.

How do I address this with these people? Any advice? This is my first "cover up."

Thanks in advance!

LexieCat

I would just say that he had some urgent personal business to attend to, and that you are not at liberty to discuss it. That could cover anything from a dying parent to a sick parakeet.

If he wants you to tell people he is very sick, you can do that. He is. If the rehab is out of town, you can say he left town. He did. If they ask further questions, just tell them that you don't know all of the details (you don't), but you will pass along any messages. Then let him decide what he wants to tell people when he gets back.

Does that make sense? It really isn't anyone else's business. You shouldn't lie for him, but you don't need to give any information other than the fact that he is temporarily unavailable.

Recovering2

I'm assuming he can't get his text or phone messages? When my ABF went into treatment, I got a few calls from clients. I just told them that he had some personal issues to take care of, was taking time off and would not be available. No more than that.

That was the truth. So I got the message across without being complicit in lying. Hope that helps.

Florence

Yep! Some of the best advice I ever got was, "You don't have to tell everyone everything."

MsPINKAcres

I always loved the

I'm not at liberty to discuss any details and i'm sure _______ will share what's going on with him when he is able to, but thanks for your concern."

prayers for the best for your friend

PohsFriend

Hey - you already got the answer but ...


HOOOOORAY! Someone you care about is agreeing to get help and try to get well!

CONGRATULATIONS AND PRAYERS FOR HIM!

LexieCat

REALLY! Some people get so hung up on "what to tell people" that they never MOVE. Good for him.

I've never once heard of anyone for whom those dire worries about what people would think ever came to pass.

NYCDoglvr

It's HIS problem, not yours. I suggest keeping out of it entirely.

LexieCat

Personally, I see nothing wrong with helping a friend with stuff like canceling appointments in an emergency. He's getting help, not running from the law. Suppose a friend needed someone to care for his or her pets while in rehab. You mean to say you shouldn't help them with that because it's "their problem"?

Stuff like standing engagements or appointments often keep people from getting the help they need. I think friends SHOULD help with those kinds of things. What you need to stay out of are the "bailing them out of trouble" kind of things.