CentralOhioDad

So, Wife goes to liquor store because she ran out of booze, but left the empty bottle in the freezer. Why do that? Who knows. She did mention she needed more 'stuff', so I said, "Oh, that empty bottle in the freezer isn't doing you any good?" After the dirty look, she goes and gets more.

When she comes back (I don't buy her booze anymore - I make her go get it, and son (almost 3 ys old) is not allowed in booze store), she tells me how proud I should be that she "saved me" $4.50 by buying an even cheaper Vodka. I said, "You could have saved US $14.25 by not buying anything."

Oh, how I manage to say the wrong things!

lizatola

Ah, sarcasm. I am working on staying away from it myself. I know it's hard because it's so easy to do, LOL! At least you're aware of what is happening in the conversation which will help you as move forward with her and continue to interact, whether she's drinking or not.

On a side note, I haven't seen you around much. I thought of you the other day when I met with some friends whose son was home for break from Case Western. He plays on their tennis team and my son is friends with his younger brother. Anyway, it made me think of Ohio, which brought you to mind. Hope all is well!

ReflectingOnMe

30 x 7 = $210 a WEEK!

I always wonder how he manages that now that I'm gone and not paying my half of the core house bills. Oh yes, I'm sure he has moved someone else in!

We were at a store once and I was buying greek yogurt Oikos (it's the best tasting IMO) and he was fussing trying to get me to buy the generic one (which tastes like glue). He said "What's the difference between Oikos and Generic?" I replied with "What's the difference between "Bud Lite and Milwaukees Best Lite?" . Needless to say, Oikos went in the cart.

PohsFriend

Oh man, bad flashbacks. My wife's former vodka of choice was this dirt cheap lemon flavored stuff. Back when I was ignorant of the problem I supplied her with Titos or Absolute thinking we may as well have clean poison going into her.

I'm sorry you are going through this - I don't know how you manage it with an actively drinking alcoholic.

A while back in an alanon meeting sarcasm came up. The root of the word comes from a Greek term that means tearing of flesh.
I understand it, but this is showing contempt for your wife. Probably because you reasonably view her drinking as contempt for herself, you and baby boy...

Are you ok with that? With baby boy seeing and hearing that contempt? From what little I know through the forum I have a feeling that goes against how you believe a husband ought to talk to his wife. It's impacting you...

Just food for thought. I know that for me the worst thing is not when I don't like what my partner has become but what I have become around them.

Wishing you peace.

m1k3

How well I remember. Cheap vodka in a plastic bottle and Xanax. Crazy train just pulled in to the station.

Your friend,

grizz

COD...our stories are very similiar. My wifes choice of drink is wine. She goes between brands when she has a bad night, saying it was the brand that made here hung over or sick in the morning. Also she thinks that by switching to a slightly less alcohol % it will be better for her. She also uses "I bought this $7.00 vs a $10.00 so I am saving you money" Problem is, her consumption is steadily increasing to where its now 1 1/2 bottles a night or more every night, so its more out of pocket for me. I used to try all the tricks to get her to quit or at least cut down. Now its just yeah what ever. Its amazing how their minds work trying to justify their actions.

grizz

Windancer

Sorry you are dealing with this.

Your wife reminds me of me when I was at my worst. I didnt even realize at the time how the things I was doing and saying were so ridiculous and self destructive.

There is hope though. Im getting through it....and still with the love of my life (though, I wouldnt be if I handnt straightened out....).

Hang in there

Katiekate

She is fiscally responsible.

electricalguru

My ex drank Grey Goose ($45/bottle) a day to cheap $15/bottle so I know exactly what you mean. This went on for a couple of years before I even knew what an alcoholic was.

ZiggyB

I never have been able to understand the exorbitant amount of money people can justify spending on booze. I'm sure xbf was spending $100 a week or more. Of course he also had friends that were very heavy drinkers and they would buy him drinks when he was unemployed.

Those people were just swell, I tell ya. :-P

4MyBoys

My ex drinks Heiniken. (Oh how I panic inside when I see green glass!). He was buying a twelve pack every day with his two packs of cigarettes a day. Talk about an expense! That is almost $750 per month.

When it went to adding Costco size bottles of Jack Daniels in the mix to, you guessed it, save us money, I almost died.

And his suggestion to save us money was for me to cut coupons better. Really? The 50cents off cheese is really going to offset the massive drink and smoke bill you ring up each month? You know what his response to that was? That was his entertainment. He didn't go on hunting trips like his friends or to baseball games with the boys, that is the way he chose to entertain himself.

And I let it go at that.........that is the definition of insanity.

4MyBoys

Justfor1

While the actually cost of alcohol can add up it is nothing compared to the consequences that drinking bring. We have the DUI's, hospital ER visits, lawyers, treatment centers, accidents. A first DUI results in thousands of dollars in legal fees alone. Of course, there is also the missing work which can lead to a demotion or loss of job.

BoxinRotz

RAH's last 2 bender's cost us atleat $800 in lost wages, not including the 10 bottles of vodka he went to town on. *****oooooo... *dripping in sarcasm*

I almost died when he told me that therapy is too expensive!!! OMG... $15 co pay once a week vrs $8 a day vodka bottles... You serious?!!!! He knew how dumb that sounded when I said it.

CentralOhioDad

I think sarcasm is my coping/diffusing mechanism - been that way all my life. I know Poh is not a fan of that. I've gotten better at it, but there are times I just can't help myself. I've made so many changes toward the better over the months, but my sarcasm is still a part of me. Oh well.

I've been lurking around here and trying to post when I have something that I think is useful to share. I used to live in NE OHio, so I am familiar with Case Western Reserve Univ. Small world.

Thanks for thinking of me!

C-OH Dad

ReflectingOnMe

CentralOhioDad

Yes, I do have contempt for my Wife - because I'm tired of: the drinking, the denial, the blameshifting, the gaslighting, the constant negativity, the mood swings, the lack of money, the snippiness and contempt for ME, and so on.

I've said this before - I just wish she would pack up her life and her vodka bottle, and leave DS and I alone. If it wasn't for him, I'd be long gone. She can go live with her A-Mother and they can get trashed together.

I'm realizing that I married her for codie reasons - she was going thru a lot of crap back then and I thought I could "save" and "fix" her. Love did grow out of that, but nothing ever deep. I regret that move, but I'm stuck with it now. I have to do the bgest I can with what I have, and most importantly - protect my son as best I can.

I put on a good act in front of my son when she's around, and sometimes I don't mind her being around. But when I'm "done" with someone or something, that's it, I'm done. And, unfortunately, I've reached that point in my marriage.

Well, I guess I dumped a lot here. Thanks for reading.

C-OH Dad

LoveMeNow

Have you talked to a lawyer about your rights?? I too live in a "mother's right" state but my husband still won custody of his children.

Keep documenting everything.

OhBoy

Sarcasm was my go to defense mechanism. It took a lot of work to move it down the def mech ladder to position 3 or 4. It still pops out once in a while, but it's not my go to anymore. I think I feel better because of it, especially when I started to realize that it came from a place of hurt & resentment. For me it fueled the resentment. I started to work on the resentments & the sarcasm started to fade.

Ah yes.......the cheaper vodka! Nice to know they're lookin out for us! STBXAW came & got more stuff out of her bedroom in our house over the weekend & unearthed a half dozen hidden empty bottles. It was nice having a recycling bin that wasn't filled with giant plastic bottles. Guess it'll be full one more time. God grant me the serenity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LexieCat

It's good that you watch your behavior and what you say around your son, but the situation still is not a great one for kids--they pick up very well on our attitudes even when they are not voiced. How old is your son?

Talking to a lawyer is not a bad idea. Knowledge is power. Even if you choose not to act right now, it's good to know what your options really are.

CentralOhioDad

He will be 3 in a couple of months. I know it's not the ideal situation for him - no one knows that better than me. The good thing is, she drinks after he goes to bed, so he doesn't see her in her 'state'. I just joined in July of last year, look up my old posts for background.

I do plan to talk to a lawyer at some point. She is not able to take care of him once she starts drinking, and I have documentation on that.