...and sometimes it's just because marriage is hard work.

Old 01-14-2013, 05:53 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by PohsFriend View Post
My childhood gave me several quirks that are either devastatingly good tools when applied right or major character flaws when applied under duress.
This is one of the most eloquent characterizations of codependence I've ever read. It's really not our character traits that determine whether we are codependent, it's how they manifest in our behavior.

PF, have you ever read "Getting the Love you Want" by Harville Hendrix? It was positively enlightening to me when I was still trying to make my marriage work.

L
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:38 PM
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Originally Posted by PohsFriend View Post
So I'm a little nuts, could be worse, coulda been bald.... Dumb.... Ugly.... Minor nuttiness ain't so bad once you learn to find the humor in it.
Oh, Poh, would you really prefer to have issues from your abusive childhood haunting you still than to be physically unattractive in some way? My humble apologies but I find that very sad, I really do.
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:42 PM
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Originally Posted by hydrogirl View Post
Oh, Poh, would you really prefer to have issues from your abusive childhood haunting you still than to be physically unattractive in some way? My humble apologies but I find that very sad, I really do.
I took that as a joke. PF has that rapier wit thing goin' on...
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:59 PM
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Lateeda - thank you :-)

Something my therapist helped me understand... My best and worst traits are one and the same and it's all about intentions and motives. It's the Machiavellian side I need to keep a choke collar on. Better to stick with the charming diplomat.

Red - no, DD's mom left (me, sanity, reality) when DD was a baby, spent the next 15 years with my ex. Still licking some wounds there and helping DD work through some hurt and resentment. Kinda hit my limit for one lifetime and little stuff like insisting on kindness or at least coutesy has become a bit of a non negotiable for me...

Fortunately therapist told me I'm quite sane when I joked otherwise. Exhausted, a little OCD and maybe a bit depressed but he says I'm shockingly self aware and quick to adapt.

...spent a while being angry at things I allowed but he pointed out I didn't know better. That's kinda the point of being here and seeing him - figure out what's broke, learn, try to fix it and scrape it off your shoe. Life is too short.... Not interested in wasting it on negative emotions.
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Old 01-14-2013, 07:21 PM
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Originally Posted by hydrogirl View Post
Oh, Poh, would you really prefer to have issues from your abusive childhood haunting you still than to be physically unattractive in some way? My humble apologies but I find that very sad, I really do.
Oh dear, she took me seriously.

Actually I'll take whatever challenges I'm best equipped to overcome. If it hadn't been for a long line of folks on mom's side chewing kids up and spitting them out then I wouldn't have had the opportunity to break the pattern with my DD who talks to her dad about everything and who has had her right to be a child defended with a mixture of teddy bear tenderness and grizzly bear not so tenderness when it was needed. Fortunately my own issues kinda came to a head and it was time to pump out the septic tank the past couple years.

**** happens... People tend to wallow in it. I have a dog with an IQ of around five who kicks grass over it and moves on... She's smarter.
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