Momzo

I need to rant...so please bare with me. It's been one month now since I kicked my exab out of my house. One week prior to that, I gave him the water bill to pay. Of course I received the late payment notice last week. I texted him...even though I REALLY wanted NC! He said he forgot and will take care of it. I reminded him I'm storing his belongings for free right now. Anyway, I texted him this past Friday asking if he paid it..he replied 'not yet. I will. Relax' then another text right after 'what's your f***ing problem? Most people can't believe I'm paying it'

Ok...I took all of my will to NOT reply back. I don't want to feed to fire. But I'm so mad at that comment! He always paid water bill. My water bill use to be apx $50 for three months before he moved in. After, it's much higher. This bill is $265. He and his son lived with me during the past three months. I'm p***ed that he don't see that he owes it..I think he feels he's doing me a favor. As to what he said on the text...that 'people can't believe I'm paying it' even though I don't care what his loser friends say, it's the point that I'm sure they don't know the whole story. I'm the crazy bad guy again and he is the innocent hero. Makes me sick to my stomach.

Well, if its not paid by this Friday...I have to pay it. If I end up having to pay it, I think I will keep his tv and safe as collateral until he pays me back. He can get the rest of his stuff from my garage. The tv and safe are in my house.

Why does he have to be so nasty? He knew I wasn't happy for many months. I've told him to move out many times, of course I didn't act on it until a month ago. His kids understand why I did this...he was like this when he was married to their mom. I knew I couldn't marry him, so why prolong the relationship? I realized months ago that he wasn't going to change.

Why am I feeling hurt still? I feel so used

Thanks

suki44883

You might want to check the laws in your state. It's possible that you cannot keep his property legally. So far as the water bill, I'd go ahead and pay it and consider it a lesson learned.

You might consider giving him a "drop dead" date for removing his stuff from your property. The longer this thing drags out, the more upset you are going to be. Figure out what needs to be done to get it all over with and move on.

vegibean

Go on with your rant!! Let it out Girl...

Why did he move in with you in the first place, only three months?

I feel sorry for the kids, doesn't sound like a stable life for them.

Hope he pays it for you, that's a big enough chunk of money.

fourmaggie

i would pay it too, lesson learned BUT never again!
sometimes, in times like this ITS NOT IMPORTANT....but never again...
its ok...u trusted the fact that he would pay it...your reality is REAL now, he has not changed one bit....

Momzo

You're right...just sucks! That's why I had to rant 😫

My exabf lived with me apx 2.5 years. His 16 year old son moved in apx 6 months ago. I mentioned that the past three months they lived here reflected the high water bill.

He bought the safe and said it was for both if us, but he used it more. I don't want any of his stuff. I want justice and I know I won't get it. He wins again. I have a cut off date of January 20. I'm sure he will forget. I told him to give me two days notice, which would be this Friday, so I can move tv and safe in garage. I didn't want tv in garage due to weather. Not sure if the cold could ruin plasma.

As for the law...I would be surprised if he called the police. He has two DUIs and no license. He's been in jail for domestic violence w his ex wife. He had work program duties in two cities.

However, I will pay the bill...I will put the rest of the stuff in the garage. Sucks.

EnglishGarden

Never engage in a power struggle with an alcoholic capable of violence.

I'm sorry you were conned, but it is better to let the money go and be safe and well.

Maylie

Any decent human being would see that they should pay the waterbill and would be an adult and not complain to people about having to pay a bill that they caused. But, sadly, when dealing with an A that is not usually the case.

I would also pay the bill just to not prolong any emotional abuse or contact with him. He is just going to get nastier as time goes on and the bill isn't paid. This is the typical "I will do it later" excuse that in the end will turn into him being extremely nasty and degrading towards you when he fails to pay it for awhile. If you have the money to pay it, then I would pay it and spare yourself the hurt that will ultimately come from it.

I know it isn't fair, and it feels like he got away with it, but in the long run his life will always be like this or most likely worse, and your life will only get better and better without him. He is stuck in this place, and you can move on from this and never look back.

hugs

Maylie

vegibean

Give him until Friday, let's see if he pays the bill, if not, just be prepared to pay it then. You have a week to see if he'll pay it, I say let's see, if not, call the water co. on Friday and see what's what and take it from there.

I think you deserve the water bill paid, and hope lesson learned and you can move on.

He sounds like an abusive person, I used to be in relationships like that, and I'm happy that my "picker" has improved. I hope you'll be able to see it coming the next time with eyes wide open.

Redheadsusie

I am so sorry my AH barely paid anything when he lived in our house we bought together. My college son lives here so Ah would only pay 1/3 of the utility bills as he said we used more of them. Who the **** does that? I also paid 90% of the mortgage and one month he had to pay more than his slack 10% and he asked me to pay him back when I had a big closing- I told him to suck it. It is mind boggling how they think- now I am in the house and paying it all which i can do but I will be damned if he would live here anymore - be mean to us - say he damanded respect and not help with bills while he has a $60,000 boat and really nice truck and spends god knows how much on beer and drugs. We are both better off without them. We were married 8 years together 13. What was I thinking- sending you hugs and love!

Momzo

You would think if you're married or in my case, engaged, all bills are shared. I took my mortgage payment and the avg of all utility bills, divided it by 4...and that was what he paid me weekly. What ended up happening was the weekly payment went towards groceries. I did all of the shopping. I would ask for extra money..at least half of the grocery bill..he would yell. Say he could live somewhere cheaper. I would say, go for it. His 16 yr old lived here for a short time and groceries went up, utilities went up...he didn't get it. I also did all of the cooking and made his lunches. Mind you...I LOVE to cook...but MAN did he have it made! How stupid was I? No more baby! I woke up and smelt the burnt coffee months ago 😘

Momzo

Redheadedsusie, I still can't believe he did that when you were married. What a creep! Sounds just like my ex....that's why they are our exes 😄

the rare moment we would go out for dinner....if he paid, I never heard the end of it. He wanted me to thank him over and over again! Omg....I feel like I have to shower off all of the yuck I am feeling right now!

He would tell me I couldn't live without his $, he seems to forget that I bought my house all by myself. I'm educated and well put together...well I thought I was until I got caught up w him! Geez I feel so stupid! Lesson learned.

We are MUCH better off without them..that's for sure!

Thanks for your kindness and support

Recovering2

I think as long as there is the issue of the bill, and his belongings, he can keep some kind of interaction with you. For the A, even negative interaction is better than none at all. I was in a similar situation years ago with respect to an ex leaving me with bills, and his stuff in my house. I got a 2nd job and paid off the bills myself, it was hard work but felt liberating the day I paid the last bill and gave notice at that job! I also gave him a firm deadline to get his stuff out of my garage. Put him on notice that if it wasn't out by that day, I was having a garage sale and keeping all proceeds. He was pissed, but his stuff was gone that following weekend.
You're not going to be able to have a reasonable rational conversation about this stuff. They're too selfish in their disease. Set your boundaries, and move on.

Lulu39

My XAH said the same. When he left we were behind in so many bills. I've been paying them down and am still behind and he hasn't contributed a cent. He also promised to pay child support - I asked for a minimum amount which was really just a token. He never paid. Kept telling me to "be patient". I got the state child support agency involved and now they are TAKING the MAXIMUM amount of child support from his wages. He sarcastically "thanked" me for that.

I told him ACTIONs (or in his case inaction and lies) = CONSEQUENCE. I also told him that he needs to make his actions match his words. He doesn't understand that bit and I doubt he ever will because all he knows how to do is QUACK.

Rosiepetal

It hurts because you cared.
You feel used because you know you're a good person.
Sorry for the BS.
My ex husband used to use the "what people are saying" line too. I'm sure that was all BS too & his friends were never mine anyway so I really shouldn't have cared.
Hang in there.

lettinggoagain

it made me sick the way my ex demanded respect when he showed me little....how blind are they to not see how loved they are...YOU were not stupid...HE was...stay strong!

Shadydeal

Go ahead...vent! I hear you but highly unlikely that he will pay the bill so be prepared to pay it yourself. Well, That is what I always found anyway! Count your blessing that you were wise enough to only allow 3 months of BS verses me putting up w/crap for several years. I paid his bills to keep him from living w/me (how dump) then when I got enough of that and when I stopped doing that he had no where to live and was going to change Quack Quack Quack....so I moved him in and got him on his feet paying all the bills and paying storage on his things at the tune of $100/month. Well, In the end finding hidden bottels and other women....out the door and everything he owned went to GoodWill! However, I gave him the chance (a month) to get his things and still couldn't get that right either. Count your blessings! I realize that doesn't make it any less painful! It is horrible to feel used and I am right there with you! But it is problem ownership! His problem he owns it! Wish it were that simple! LOL Hope you will be feeling peace soon. Take care of yourself.

marie1960

Consider 250.00 to be rid of the bum, money well spent.

and continue your happy dance, down the road, to a new life, free and far away from the asshat!

Hang in there, it truly will get better.

Momzo

Sassydog,

I was w him 2.5 years. We got engaged last Xmas eve. I mentioned the 3 months due to the water bill. He lived here during those 3 months. I kicked him out 8 months into the 2.5 years due to his lies, drinking, etc...we got back together 3 months later. He woo'd me over. Flowers at my door. Promises he would change. Boy was I stupid!!!!!!

All I can say right now is.... AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Phew....I feel better 😻

Many xoxoxoxo's to all of you! You all make/made a difference in my life. Thank you so much!