I gather my courage to...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
I gather my courage to...
finally try to write down this disaster that has become my life. I read the beginning of the "Things a "normie" wouldn't know" thread and so much of it just made me wince with realization.
How this ever came to be I will never truly understand. My parents split up when I was 4 or 5, both alcoholics/drug addicts. I went to live with my grandparents after this, as my mom was not reliable to stay around and went on benders for months at a time. Seriously, she was gone over 6 months when I was in first grade. My grandfather was a pivotal role in my life growing up, but also, is an alcoholic. Seeing this growing up, being with my mom when she was arrested for DUI's (not just once, but twice before I was a teenager) and seeing my mom lose her drivers license twice for DUI...sleeping on couches during parties, and even driving her home when I was 14 because even though I didn't have a license; I wasn't drunk and she was going home right then. At least, for the last 10 years she has quit drinking completely and has become the parent I should have had, but at close to 30 that's a bit late in the game. Luckily, I have no siblings.
As I fast forward into being an adult, I made horrible choices in men. The first one was not only physically abusive, but I was apparently blind to his drug use. I left him and dated for awhile before I married my first husband. He is still a good guy but has severe PTSD and that became taxing on our marriage, ending in divorce 4 years later. I remarried a few years ago to a very charming and fun loving man, who I am still married to.
That didn't last long, and has made me come to the realization that I am repeating my own history.
The first year of our marriage included a deployment to Afghanistan. We had some problems, including him not talking to me voluntarily for almost 6 months because he was "mad" at me - we had simply argued, nothing worth 6 months of torture. When he came back, he was stationed in another country and I was in the US, and we decided to work on things. He would call me drunk more often than not, but being where he was, it's to be expected. We finally moved in together, and it has been very downhill from there.
I find out that during the 6 months he wasn't talking to me, he was sleeping around, even bringing home a STD (lucky me, it was one of the easy to get rid of type). This was a big deal, and it took a lot to work through, but when things start getting good, he does it again with some girl he met online. All the while he has been drinking, with very little assistance from me, a half gallon of Jack Daniels a week - totally $200+ a month.
Things escalate, I don't trust him, but I'm 3000 miles from home and don't have a lot of options. All the while enduring him drinking, screaming and cussing at me, and peeing our bed or on our floor when he blacked out. He started having medical problems (E.D. to keep it polite) and his doctor sends him to mental health because he is physically healthy. They prescribe Wellbutrin, and now he is drinking on top of Wellbutrin. The mood swings got out of control with the drinking and finally, he loses it completely.
Long story shortened, I get a fat lip out of the deal. The next morning, his supervisor from work removes him from our home. He spent a week away from home, begging and pleading to come home and that he'll stop drinking. He ends up coming home a week and a half later, and 3 weeks later (Thanksgiving) wakes up in jail because during a blackout rage he destroyed our home and accidentally injured our oldest child. That was the last straw, I called the police and they came and hauled him away, as he fought them with nothing but a t-shirt on and charged him with child endangerment.
This time, he's serious, so he says, and hasn't had a single drink since. He is enrolled in a program similar to AA for the military.
I do not have a lot of hope for this to work out, after all that I"ve been through with him.
I don't know if it's wrong of me or not, I'm not trying to justify how I feel, but I am so bitter and angry with him seemingly all the time. He did something irritating the other day and I told him that I hated him for it...and I actually meant it, but feel guilty for saying it now. I have to stop and check myself frequently to keep from saying cruel and intentionally mean things. I am not this person I have become. I cried the day I found out he wasn't going to deploy with his unit, and was upset because he took 3 weeks of vacation. Even though he's not drinking now, I still dread being around him.
All I wanted in life was to have the good things; a home, a loving husband and family. I love my children very dearly, don't get me wrong, they are what make this miserable screw up of a life I have worth living, but I can do without the rest of the hand I was dealt. My life has changed so much. I cannot go out with the few friends I have left after all of this for an evening without being guilted about drinking myself.
I guess this is all just a huge vent, and kudos if you managed to read all of it.
How this ever came to be I will never truly understand. My parents split up when I was 4 or 5, both alcoholics/drug addicts. I went to live with my grandparents after this, as my mom was not reliable to stay around and went on benders for months at a time. Seriously, she was gone over 6 months when I was in first grade. My grandfather was a pivotal role in my life growing up, but also, is an alcoholic. Seeing this growing up, being with my mom when she was arrested for DUI's (not just once, but twice before I was a teenager) and seeing my mom lose her drivers license twice for DUI...sleeping on couches during parties, and even driving her home when I was 14 because even though I didn't have a license; I wasn't drunk and she was going home right then. At least, for the last 10 years she has quit drinking completely and has become the parent I should have had, but at close to 30 that's a bit late in the game. Luckily, I have no siblings.
As I fast forward into being an adult, I made horrible choices in men. The first one was not only physically abusive, but I was apparently blind to his drug use. I left him and dated for awhile before I married my first husband. He is still a good guy but has severe PTSD and that became taxing on our marriage, ending in divorce 4 years later. I remarried a few years ago to a very charming and fun loving man, who I am still married to.
That didn't last long, and has made me come to the realization that I am repeating my own history.
The first year of our marriage included a deployment to Afghanistan. We had some problems, including him not talking to me voluntarily for almost 6 months because he was "mad" at me - we had simply argued, nothing worth 6 months of torture. When he came back, he was stationed in another country and I was in the US, and we decided to work on things. He would call me drunk more often than not, but being where he was, it's to be expected. We finally moved in together, and it has been very downhill from there.
I find out that during the 6 months he wasn't talking to me, he was sleeping around, even bringing home a STD (lucky me, it was one of the easy to get rid of type). This was a big deal, and it took a lot to work through, but when things start getting good, he does it again with some girl he met online. All the while he has been drinking, with very little assistance from me, a half gallon of Jack Daniels a week - totally $200+ a month.
Things escalate, I don't trust him, but I'm 3000 miles from home and don't have a lot of options. All the while enduring him drinking, screaming and cussing at me, and peeing our bed or on our floor when he blacked out. He started having medical problems (E.D. to keep it polite) and his doctor sends him to mental health because he is physically healthy. They prescribe Wellbutrin, and now he is drinking on top of Wellbutrin. The mood swings got out of control with the drinking and finally, he loses it completely.
Long story shortened, I get a fat lip out of the deal. The next morning, his supervisor from work removes him from our home. He spent a week away from home, begging and pleading to come home and that he'll stop drinking. He ends up coming home a week and a half later, and 3 weeks later (Thanksgiving) wakes up in jail because during a blackout rage he destroyed our home and accidentally injured our oldest child. That was the last straw, I called the police and they came and hauled him away, as he fought them with nothing but a t-shirt on and charged him with child endangerment.
This time, he's serious, so he says, and hasn't had a single drink since. He is enrolled in a program similar to AA for the military.
I do not have a lot of hope for this to work out, after all that I"ve been through with him.
I don't know if it's wrong of me or not, I'm not trying to justify how I feel, but I am so bitter and angry with him seemingly all the time. He did something irritating the other day and I told him that I hated him for it...and I actually meant it, but feel guilty for saying it now. I have to stop and check myself frequently to keep from saying cruel and intentionally mean things. I am not this person I have become. I cried the day I found out he wasn't going to deploy with his unit, and was upset because he took 3 weeks of vacation. Even though he's not drinking now, I still dread being around him.
All I wanted in life was to have the good things; a home, a loving husband and family. I love my children very dearly, don't get me wrong, they are what make this miserable screw up of a life I have worth living, but I can do without the rest of the hand I was dealt. My life has changed so much. I cannot go out with the few friends I have left after all of this for an evening without being guilted about drinking myself.
I guess this is all just a huge vent, and kudos if you managed to read all of it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Hey there, a big warm welcome to you. I am so pleased to read your post, and more pleased that you found us. I am grateful to SR everyday.
I hope you read around the forum and get educated more and more about alcoholism, and more importantly how if effects the lives of the people who live the nightmare of a family member who is an alcoholic.
Of course first thing that comes to mind is the safety of you and your children. I'm sure it is in the forefront of your mind. YOu have endured horrible and traumatic experience in your life. I'm so sorry. I too had an alcoholic mother and father and ended up in the unsafe arms of an abusive (not physically) alcoholic.
Please know that you anger and resentment are perfectly normal. If it were me I would want to run far and run fast. If I may be so bold as to say, think about removing you spouse from your home. I worry for you.
I'm glad that your husband is in the very early stages of his own recovery, but recovery is a slippery slope and relapse is pretty much a given. Rarely do alcohoics give it up on the first try.
Now on to your recovery and the recovery of your children. Al anon is available, counseling may be a good idea as well, especially for you. I have spent the better part of the last 20 years in intense counseling due to my childhood situation , it effectes every aspect of my life. The final blow was a 5 year relationship on and off with a now active alcoholic. I still wonder some days why I was in that relationship but I can tell you that the wounds caused to me, mostly due to my own inability to see the forest for the trees were awful.
There a lots of stickies at the top of the friends an family section of the forum, I hope you read them and especially some of the stuff around domestic violence.
Your anger, again, is normal and in some ways healthy, it is something that you may want to listen too, you have been terribly and recklessly hurt by someone you should trust, and so have your children.
That's all I am going to say right now, we care about you and your children, keep posting. I am sure others will be around to lend support.
Lots of love to you and yours Katie
I hope you read around the forum and get educated more and more about alcoholism, and more importantly how if effects the lives of the people who live the nightmare of a family member who is an alcoholic.
Of course first thing that comes to mind is the safety of you and your children. I'm sure it is in the forefront of your mind. YOu have endured horrible and traumatic experience in your life. I'm so sorry. I too had an alcoholic mother and father and ended up in the unsafe arms of an abusive (not physically) alcoholic.
Please know that you anger and resentment are perfectly normal. If it were me I would want to run far and run fast. If I may be so bold as to say, think about removing you spouse from your home. I worry for you.
I'm glad that your husband is in the very early stages of his own recovery, but recovery is a slippery slope and relapse is pretty much a given. Rarely do alcohoics give it up on the first try.
Now on to your recovery and the recovery of your children. Al anon is available, counseling may be a good idea as well, especially for you. I have spent the better part of the last 20 years in intense counseling due to my childhood situation , it effectes every aspect of my life. The final blow was a 5 year relationship on and off with a now active alcoholic. I still wonder some days why I was in that relationship but I can tell you that the wounds caused to me, mostly due to my own inability to see the forest for the trees were awful.
There a lots of stickies at the top of the friends an family section of the forum, I hope you read them and especially some of the stuff around domestic violence.
Your anger, again, is normal and in some ways healthy, it is something that you may want to listen too, you have been terribly and recklessly hurt by someone you should trust, and so have your children.
That's all I am going to say right now, we care about you and your children, keep posting. I am sure others will be around to lend support.
Lots of love to you and yours Katie
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by GeekyChick 
That didn't last long, and has made me come to the realization that I am repeating my own history.
After my parents divorced my mom drank even more and she was a very mean drunk and emotionally abusive. We always had to watch what we said cause something you said could **** her off next week when she was drunk. And then look out.
I have always picked men that dominate the relationship and I'm the one that always compromises. I am a people pleaser and hate confrontation and will be unhappy just to accomodate something else. And I can't say no. I am a horrible communicator and I have a very hard trusting people and opening up to people.
I however upped it and became an alcoholic myself. Not only did I drink I also was on Paxil. Not a good combination.
I have been sober for 5 months now and realize that I don't have to please anyone but me. I am trying so hard to fix was is broken in me. I actually feel a peace that I haven't felt before.
I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Hi Geekychick,
Welcome to the club of recovering ACOA's (adult children of alcoholics) and codies (codependents)... good news is that you are on a good path and have found a place where you will find a lot of comfort, info, stories and online friends.
I grew up in a crazy wicked mean alcoholic home and when we live in insanity we lose sight of what is normal behavior. We do not learn how to set healthy boundaries. When we start to understand ourselves and why we choose the mates we choose and why we so easily slip into acceptance of unacceptable behavior is because we were wired that way.
The GREAT news is that we can rewire ourselves and find peace, joy, happiness despite what our alcoholic loved ones are doing. I hope you still have space between you during this difficult time.
Your AH may or may not find the recovery that his consequences are causing him to promise verbally but now is the time for you to set clear boundaries that will protect your kids from creating another generation of broken children like you and I and the other posters.
You have many choices and counselors are a great resource if you can find one that understands addiction (a must). This was a lifesaver for me along with Alanon. Have you tried that?
A year is a great marker of time and more is always revealed. How would you like your life to be in one year from now? Imagine your now MOTIVATED husband being given the opportunity to pursue his recovery on his own while you pursue your own recovery and raise the kids?
Would he stick with it? Would he deal with his character issues? Not drinking is just the tip of the iceburg and opens up a lot of cans of lots and lots of worms!
How will you feel about him? Being attached is not love. Having children together is not love. Respect and admiration for a man of high character, integrity and true LOVE for you is what we all need. Not just quacking and empty promises.
Be gentle on yourself. Don't feel pressured to take him back... they are so good at smooth talking after the bad behaviors. Stand your ground... the abuse is very, very serious.
Hope that helps...by the way... In February I will be seperated from my XA for one year. I am so....so.... happy and free now. It takes time but you can create a great future for yourself either single or married!
So... stop looking at how your life is now but every day work on your plan to change it! You can do it... there are thousands of men and women on this forum that have done it and they are all here to cheer you on as you work things out one day at a time.
Welcome to the club of recovering ACOA's (adult children of alcoholics) and codies (codependents)... good news is that you are on a good path and have found a place where you will find a lot of comfort, info, stories and online friends.
I grew up in a crazy wicked mean alcoholic home and when we live in insanity we lose sight of what is normal behavior. We do not learn how to set healthy boundaries. When we start to understand ourselves and why we choose the mates we choose and why we so easily slip into acceptance of unacceptable behavior is because we were wired that way.
The GREAT news is that we can rewire ourselves and find peace, joy, happiness despite what our alcoholic loved ones are doing. I hope you still have space between you during this difficult time.
Your AH may or may not find the recovery that his consequences are causing him to promise verbally but now is the time for you to set clear boundaries that will protect your kids from creating another generation of broken children like you and I and the other posters.
You have many choices and counselors are a great resource if you can find one that understands addiction (a must). This was a lifesaver for me along with Alanon. Have you tried that?
A year is a great marker of time and more is always revealed. How would you like your life to be in one year from now? Imagine your now MOTIVATED husband being given the opportunity to pursue his recovery on his own while you pursue your own recovery and raise the kids?
Would he stick with it? Would he deal with his character issues? Not drinking is just the tip of the iceburg and opens up a lot of cans of lots and lots of worms!
How will you feel about him? Being attached is not love. Having children together is not love. Respect and admiration for a man of high character, integrity and true LOVE for you is what we all need. Not just quacking and empty promises.
Be gentle on yourself. Don't feel pressured to take him back... they are so good at smooth talking after the bad behaviors. Stand your ground... the abuse is very, very serious.
Hope that helps...by the way... In February I will be seperated from my XA for one year. I am so....so.... happy and free now. It takes time but you can create a great future for yourself either single or married!
So... stop looking at how your life is now but every day work on your plan to change it! You can do it... there are thousands of men and women on this forum that have done it and they are all here to cheer you on as you work things out one day at a time.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello and Welcome!
I'm so sorry to hear about all that you have been through at the hands of both your parents and your husband!! So glad you found us--please make yourself comfortable here.
Once you have a moment, you may want to read through the threads in this stickie (a thread that is 'stuck' to the top of each forum). It's called 'About Abuse', and it lists a lot of good, practical advice, information, and resources for those who are living or have lived through an abusive relationship.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
Please take good care of yourself and your precious children! Vent away here or ask questions anytime
I'm so sorry to hear about all that you have been through at the hands of both your parents and your husband!! So glad you found us--please make yourself comfortable here.
Once you have a moment, you may want to read through the threads in this stickie (a thread that is 'stuck' to the top of each forum). It's called 'About Abuse', and it lists a lot of good, practical advice, information, and resources for those who are living or have lived through an abusive relationship.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
Please take good care of yourself and your precious children! Vent away here or ask questions anytime
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Your post was really tough for me to read, All I kept thinking is my God woman save yourself and your kids, get the hell out of this toxic situation. Violence is a dealbreaker for me.
As far as him accidently hurting your child, I view it as if he wasn't being an out of control drunken jerk/lunatic, this would not have happened. Accident? or huge wake up call?
Please get proactive in your life, reach out to any and every human organization, and find a way for you and your kids to live free of addiction and violence.
We will be here with you for support, but you need some real life help.
As far as him accidently hurting your child, I view it as if he wasn't being an out of control drunken jerk/lunatic, this would not have happened. Accident? or huge wake up call?
Please get proactive in your life, reach out to any and every human organization, and find a way for you and your kids to live free of addiction and violence.
We will be here with you for support, but you need some real life help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
My last relationship was abusive and when I left, I spent 2.5 years with just me and the kids. I miss that so much, the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever. If the kids and I wanted to go to walmart at midnight to get some icecream in our PJ's on a Saturday night, we did! Want to go visit grandma 800 miles away for a week? Sure, let's pack a bag and go!
And I thought I was "safe" this time, my current husband was the one who helped me get out of the previous situation...every step of the way.
He lived in denial, until the wake up call of waking up in jail with no idea of why he was there. He said it was the most scary thing that has ever happened in his life. Yes the injury was an "accident" but he took responsibility, like you mentioned, that if he hadn't been beyond black out drunk and insane it wouldn't have ever happened. He fought down 3 other soldiers that night before the cops were called.
Same thing for my lip, hit by shrapnel from the door he was busy destroying...but he didn't believe it the next day.
The charges in court were dropped, but he has voluntarily sought help. I removed all the alcohol from our home and I don't see continual charges from the liquor store on my bank statements. That's such a relief, finances are a lot better now.
It's so night and day. I went on a short vacation to get ahold of myself with stress from home. I was gone for 5 days visiting a friend. During the day it was fine, he might ask how I was doing or where something was in the house but no issues...then I could tell when the drinking started because not only more frequent texting and calling, but all the insecurities flowed.
The feelings about it ebb and flow. Sometimes I'm so angry and hateful toward him for everything he's done, and other times I feel sympathy. Not enough to where I'm going to tolerate even a single drink, but growing up with that nightmare makes me see how they don't realize how out of control they are until the day comes that they see that what everyone has told them is true, and that yes, they really are an a-hole.
I went to therapy twice, but I was so uncomfortable I stopped going. The therapist kept hinting at me being sexually abused as a child, which was NEVER the case, because I have trouble sleeping. More like stress and anxiety causes me not to sleep, but regardless, I found it downright offensive that he wouldn't take "No my parents never touched me" as the truth. That's not denial, it's just the truth.
In all honesty, none of it feels like it "really" happened. If I could have one wish, it would be that my brain would stop trying to candy coat things and help me remember the warning signs, rather than bury it deep and make it almost seem like it never happened at all.
And I thought I was "safe" this time, my current husband was the one who helped me get out of the previous situation...every step of the way.
He lived in denial, until the wake up call of waking up in jail with no idea of why he was there. He said it was the most scary thing that has ever happened in his life. Yes the injury was an "accident" but he took responsibility, like you mentioned, that if he hadn't been beyond black out drunk and insane it wouldn't have ever happened. He fought down 3 other soldiers that night before the cops were called.
Same thing for my lip, hit by shrapnel from the door he was busy destroying...but he didn't believe it the next day.The charges in court were dropped, but he has voluntarily sought help. I removed all the alcohol from our home and I don't see continual charges from the liquor store on my bank statements. That's such a relief, finances are a lot better now.
It's so night and day. I went on a short vacation to get ahold of myself with stress from home. I was gone for 5 days visiting a friend. During the day it was fine, he might ask how I was doing or where something was in the house but no issues...then I could tell when the drinking started because not only more frequent texting and calling, but all the insecurities flowed.
The feelings about it ebb and flow. Sometimes I'm so angry and hateful toward him for everything he's done, and other times I feel sympathy. Not enough to where I'm going to tolerate even a single drink, but growing up with that nightmare makes me see how they don't realize how out of control they are until the day comes that they see that what everyone has told them is true, and that yes, they really are an a-hole.
I went to therapy twice, but I was so uncomfortable I stopped going. The therapist kept hinting at me being sexually abused as a child, which was NEVER the case, because I have trouble sleeping. More like stress and anxiety causes me not to sleep, but regardless, I found it downright offensive that he wouldn't take "No my parents never touched me" as the truth. That's not denial, it's just the truth.
In all honesty, none of it feels like it "really" happened. If I could have one wish, it would be that my brain would stop trying to candy coat things and help me remember the warning signs, rather than bury it deep and make it almost seem like it never happened at all.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Finding a therapist is like shoe shopping, you do not necessarily buy the first pair you try on.
Once again I hope you can reach out for help.
It sounds like your hubby is in the military? Certainly, there has to be available resources for you. The chaplain, other family services available within your base?
Once again I hope you can reach out for help.
It sounds like your hubby is in the military? Certainly, there has to be available resources for you. The chaplain, other family services available within your base?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
In all honesty, none of it feels like it "really" happened. If I could have one wish, it would be that my brain would stop trying to candy coat things and help me remember the warning signs, rather than bury it deep and make it almost seem like it never happened at all.
For me, this kind of feeling , I found out later in life was caused by using a survival skill I used as a child to survive, what I have learned is that it no longer serves me as an adult.
I too was asked by counselors if I had been sexualy abused as a child, there is something, I believe, some behavior or some trait in ACOA's that mirrors a trait in those who have suffered from sexual abuse.
Counselors are human, you have to find one you click with. And they make mistakes.
It might be beneficial for you to find a female counselor, and as marie said, it's and interview process.
For me, this kind of feeling , I found out later in life was caused by using a survival skill I used as a child to survive, what I have learned is that it no longer serves me as an adult.
I too was asked by counselors if I had been sexualy abused as a child, there is something, I believe, some behavior or some trait in ACOA's that mirrors a trait in those who have suffered from sexual abuse.
Counselors are human, you have to find one you click with. And they make mistakes.
It might be beneficial for you to find a female counselor, and as marie said, it's and interview process.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10
I really am that kind of shoe shopper though, lol, I find a pair I like in my size. That's it.
I've tried OneSource, that's who set me up the first time, the are a spectacular resource, for lots of things! His command is useless, even went as far as to call me a liar and say I was just causing drama when my lip was busted, even though my neighbor, who outranks them, witnessed it. Insane. I know better than to go to them for help. Maybe they would believe me more now, but I went to them for help before it got this far and was ignored.
I'm not sure who the chaplain is now, they recently deployed. I can find out. Behavior health on post is worthless, as my husband has been going there for 18 months (before the drinking even got to being a frequent thing) and all they did was give him a script for Wellbutrin and no after care. That's not an isolated thing either, when my ex was going to behavioral health he flipped out and beat the crap out of me. I called his psychiatrist (he blacked out, and was definitely not drinking, he has PTSD) and all she said was "It's not his medication". Useless, I couldn't even call the cops because that time, I hit him back...then I had to worry about him pressing charges on me. Stupid, I know, I should have done it anyway.
You see a lot about how the military has all these resources, but most of them are reactive in nature. Family Advocacy has a program to help spouses relocate and with financial help, that I was informed about when I met with them. I asked "Where was this program before something this severe happened?" and the reply I got was "It's not offered until a major incident occurs".
WTF?! Thanks, you'll only help me AFTER something bad has happened, not try to prevent it? How useful. I am, however, looking into how to make that program proactive. I am not sure how far I will get, but it can't hurt. That frustrates me to no end that spouses can get help, but only after the fact.
I've tried OneSource, that's who set me up the first time, the are a spectacular resource, for lots of things! His command is useless, even went as far as to call me a liar and say I was just causing drama when my lip was busted, even though my neighbor, who outranks them, witnessed it. Insane. I know better than to go to them for help. Maybe they would believe me more now, but I went to them for help before it got this far and was ignored.
I'm not sure who the chaplain is now, they recently deployed. I can find out. Behavior health on post is worthless, as my husband has been going there for 18 months (before the drinking even got to being a frequent thing) and all they did was give him a script for Wellbutrin and no after care. That's not an isolated thing either, when my ex was going to behavioral health he flipped out and beat the crap out of me. I called his psychiatrist (he blacked out, and was definitely not drinking, he has PTSD) and all she said was "It's not his medication". Useless, I couldn't even call the cops because that time, I hit him back...then I had to worry about him pressing charges on me. Stupid, I know, I should have done it anyway.
You see a lot about how the military has all these resources, but most of them are reactive in nature. Family Advocacy has a program to help spouses relocate and with financial help, that I was informed about when I met with them. I asked "Where was this program before something this severe happened?" and the reply I got was "It's not offered until a major incident occurs".
WTF?! Thanks, you'll only help me AFTER something bad has happened, not try to prevent it? How useful. I am, however, looking into how to make that program proactive. I am not sure how far I will get, but it can't hurt. That frustrates me to no end that spouses can get help, but only after the fact.
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