dotcom

Going about everything so wrong! Grrr... Well, to make a long story short, a person I know drinks a lot and I had kept thinking that it would stop. He is about 32 and it is just grrr... you know, he is not a bf or anything, but I had actually had myself convinced that he really didnt have a problem! It's a weeknight for pete's sake. A few people I know seem to be weeknight drinking... And then he threw the bomb... trying to make me feel guilty. Well, f*** that! I'm an A, but have had some very unhealthy A relationships (ex recently od-ed). And I was so shocked that I chose not to see the bomb being dropped right away! I cannot believe that it took me more than 1 second to just say to myself what a bad situation this ?! I just am mad at myself now for letting it hang in midair... knowing it was unhealthy of me to "foster"... but arg! So frustrating. I have 15 months of clean time and on top of being in denial that he compromised my sobriety, I was in denial that he "really wasn't a bad guy". Once I was single, I promised myself that I would not get into a situation with a fellow A again! Grrr.... thanks for letting me share. What a frustrating disease... Ok, my name is dot and im an addict and a codie (who apparently doesn't learn!).

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi dot!

You're not an idiot. You're learning your boundaries and limitations. Those are GOOD things. ((((( DOT! ))))

And more hugs,
Smoke

Magichappens

Hey Dot,
I believe that recovery is a journey. Sometimes it gets rocky, so we have to learn rock climbing. I am not stupid for not knowing rock climbing. It's stupid not to try to learn it if I find I have some rocks to climb. Not being good at something I find I need is frustrating, but learning, growing, and conquering my obstacles is what brings me self worth and satisfaction. You are probably reacting to this better than you would have 15 months ago. Give yourself credit, and continue the journey. Hugs, Magic

osier59

((dot)))

I understand. I have some sort of weirdass radar that attracts me to them and them to me. I swear, if I am in a room with 100 people, the most charismatic (and dysfunctional) person will gravitate to me within 5 minutes adn we will have the most amazing conversation and chemistry. The good news is that with some strong al anon recovery under my belt, I can recognize these 'new and fun' relationships for what they are. The lightbulb flashes quicker and I can step back and evaluate if the relationship is healthy and if I want to continue.

I think we will always have these people in our lives. The trick is to know what to do with them!!

HUGS
Barb

dotcom

thanks smoke, magic, osier,

compared to the past i did great! thanks for that magic. i was always a sucker for a homeless drug addict (being one myself). but now, things have changed... i have changed, and i cannot live in that anymore or i might give up recovery! ahhhhh! osier, geez thought i was the only one with the wierdass radar. went to women's retreat and this tweaker lady just sucked onto me. ??? i decided not to wait around the cabin to see if she was really going to tweak or not. and i learned to be nice, but firm and not feel guilty for what i was doing. i was not up there for her, i was up there for me! it was draining... but i suppose i must start taking some anti codie action. i have beattie books, but have hesitated to read them... after all, im an addict?! but, thanks again. glad to know its ok not to know how to rock climb, im not an idiot, and am not the only one with the weirdass radar. LOL.

hugs,

dot

Daffodil

dot,
Consider yourself hugged!
Nooo none of you are not alone in that we gravitate to any and all alcoholics out there. Sure as anything if there's one around I'll find them or they will find me. Today though the story is completely different than what it used to be. Today I can recognize the signs in myself and then I have choices. Just like you did. I have to be very aware of what and where I am simply because I truly believe "sick seeks sick". I didn't just get this way from living with Mr. Wonderful for 44 years. Everyone I was ever drawn to, I realize now, had or turned into an alcoholic.
Yes, just as the A's in my life can have "slips" so can I! One difference is I generally smell better than they do.

smoke gets in my eyes

LOL Daff!

dotcom

Daf,

very interesting! thanks! aha! im not alone in my codieness. although, i dont think ill ever go to alanon since im an A. i am working the 12 steps though, that should cover it? any books on how to recognize the "weirdo radar"? how to deactiviate it LOL?

rock on,

dot

ps hugs for you too!

osier59

Dot,
Dont discount Al Anon just because you are an A. Over half the people who attended my al anon meetings in Dallas were Double Winners - those who were working an AA program AND came over to learn how to apply the Al Anon principles too.I Many of them came at the urging of their sponsor, and most stayed once they got there.

Just my 2 cents worth
Hugs
Barb

dotcom

osier,

cool thanks. i may look into it. is an emotional healing group the same thing? theres one at my church, generally those that would attend naranon/alanon go to that at the church i go to. i was beginning to get sick to my stomach a few minutes ago and realized i was thinking about the situation with "said A". it really is sick. during my using i was very codie on my ex. this feeling of "sick" was present all the time. now, i have been free of him mostly since mid march (when he passed away). which is very sick i know. i had not been with him since i cleaned up, but it was a mental strain and a big fear. so, pretty much i have been trying to set big boundaries with this dude. today he let a raunchy comment out and i did not respond. i think i feel that "sick" because i do not know why i still continue contact with this "A" who continues to drink every night and would make such a comment. not to mention the mind games he attempts to play. too bad for him i played the same games long enough, that I can sort of identify them. well, please pray that i have the peace of mind and strength to kick this loser drunk to the curb. gee wiz i do not need him in my life and must find out why i am not cutting strings immediately!

thanks and hugs,

dot

dotcom

i did it guys. kicked him to the curb. now, it got deeper and deeper and i compromised so much. but im rocking on so it is all good. i am just not up to it anymore, im retired... a retired junkie/rowdy person. it felt good to consider being rowdy again and painting the town red. then i sat back and realized im finito. too much at stake with my record and recovery. so... f it, right? tomorrow's another day and hopefully not another alcoholic (as bad as that sounds). i just cannot see how my boundaries are working when i feel so icky and uncomfortable inside. so... that means i need to do more work on me. i just overanalyze it so much that it becomes the worst thing about me and i feel terrible. so, im rocking on.

thanks for listening.

dot