New here -sob story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 7
New here -sob story
Hi, I'm new here, introducing myself in this forum instead of the main forum.
After having gone to F2F Al Anon last night, and my AW in the AA meeting next door, I'm laying next to her in bed tonight passed out. She's a binger. I've told her many times it seems like it would be easier if she would get slowly soused at a bar, I could call all of them until I found her, and come get her. But I can leave her home alone for a half hour, come back, and she is on the floor, or passed out in front if the computer, or trying to work some really hard problem like how to plug the USB cable into her Kindle. That's how she rolls. It's terrifying really.
Tonight she was okay when I got home. She had had a legitimately long day, but she was sitting watching TV with us. But as the night went on she got worse, fell asleep in front of the TV, went upstairs at bedtime, and eventually couldn't say more than a one word sentence to me.
I don't know how she got drunk, I've looked for a bottle ( I know,but sometimes I've just got to) never found one. May even she is dry drunk. She's starting to understand that it doesn't matter at least.
So tomorrow I get to have the conversation. Can't wait. I call it DRY - Denial, Rationalization, Yelling. Sometimes it goes no further than denial, sometimes all the way in to the yelling and telling me that she does it because our marriage is awful,etc.
So I'm just telling my story because I need the ears tonight. Hopefully she will head to her meeting tomorrow, and call the gal she hopes will become her sponsor. But if not, oh well. I won't be able to do the merry go round much longer, I'm starting to get dizzy!
Thanks for listening!
After having gone to F2F Al Anon last night, and my AW in the AA meeting next door, I'm laying next to her in bed tonight passed out. She's a binger. I've told her many times it seems like it would be easier if she would get slowly soused at a bar, I could call all of them until I found her, and come get her. But I can leave her home alone for a half hour, come back, and she is on the floor, or passed out in front if the computer, or trying to work some really hard problem like how to plug the USB cable into her Kindle. That's how she rolls. It's terrifying really.
Tonight she was okay when I got home. She had had a legitimately long day, but she was sitting watching TV with us. But as the night went on she got worse, fell asleep in front of the TV, went upstairs at bedtime, and eventually couldn't say more than a one word sentence to me.
I don't know how she got drunk, I've looked for a bottle ( I know,but sometimes I've just got to) never found one. May even she is dry drunk. She's starting to understand that it doesn't matter at least.
So tomorrow I get to have the conversation. Can't wait. I call it DRY - Denial, Rationalization, Yelling. Sometimes it goes no further than denial, sometimes all the way in to the yelling and telling me that she does it because our marriage is awful,etc.
So I'm just telling my story because I need the ears tonight. Hopefully she will head to her meeting tomorrow, and call the gal she hopes will become her sponsor. But if not, oh well. I won't be able to do the merry go round much longer, I'm starting to get dizzy!
Thanks for listening!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
I'm glad you are here, but sorry for the reason that brings you here. Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.
When I first arrived here, I learned about the 3 C's of my loved one's addiction:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
It took some time before I was able to accept that concept. My alcoholic was certain I was the Cause for some of his drinking, I began to believe it too. I was also sure I could control it by anticipating or fixing the messes. And cure it, well I was certain my love would cure him! I was a hot mess! I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired ~ and began to look for my own recovery.
I have found my serenity in attending Alanon meetings! I am glad to read that you too are attending meetings. Good on you!
I also find wisdom here at SR 24/7. I find the Sticky Posts to be filled with insight. The sticky posts (aka stickies) are the permanent posts at the top of the main page for each section of the website.
Here is one of my favorite stickies. I followed these steps while I still lived with active alcoholism:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
I'm glad you are here, but sorry for the reason that brings you here. Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support you.
When I first arrived here, I learned about the 3 C's of my loved one's addiction:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
It took some time before I was able to accept that concept. My alcoholic was certain I was the Cause for some of his drinking, I began to believe it too. I was also sure I could control it by anticipating or fixing the messes. And cure it, well I was certain my love would cure him! I was a hot mess! I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired ~ and began to look for my own recovery.
I have found my serenity in attending Alanon meetings! I am glad to read that you too are attending meetings. Good on you!
I also find wisdom here at SR 24/7. I find the Sticky Posts to be filled with insight. The sticky posts (aka stickies) are the permanent posts at the top of the main page for each section of the website.
Here is one of my favorite stickies. I followed these steps while I still lived with active alcoholism:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Welcome, Ken. You are in a good place here. And we have plenty members also dealing with AW's. It's getting a bit late tonight, but more people will welcome you soon. Spouses are so isolated, it does so much good to hear other people's stories. So just read and read.
We are very glad you are here! You need friends in recovery and between Al-Anon and SR, your head will clear and you will get some ground under you again. Things will get better.
We are very glad you are here! You need friends in recovery and between Al-Anon and SR, your head will clear and you will get some ground under you again. Things will get better.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
My exabf was binger, I would find him passed out too, mainly, when he mixed xanax or pain pills with alcohol. At first I couldn't figure it out , finally all the pieces of the puzzle fell together.
Welcome & keep posting!
Welcome & keep posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 7
She had a bad back from working all day walking on a schoolroom floor. She took a couple of flexeril and didn't tell me. Is it true? Don't know and don't really care that much at this point. It would explain some things. And she doesn't take pain medication lightly, addicted to alcohol or not.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome, Ken. I couldn't say if its true or not - but the point is your apathy to it all now. It really doesn't matter if the outcome for you remains the same. You have a partner in an intimate relationship who is unable to show up, and that's not a relationship! I think the majority of us here can understand that.
Keep coming back,
~T
Keep coming back,
~T
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Hi Ken and welcome to SR. My story sounds so much like yours. I knew my wife had a drinking problem but it was a long time before I knew about her pill use. Xanax, Ambien, OTC sleeping pills and who knows what else. I even thought she had been in recovery before I realized that she had simply replaced booze with pills.
I too had many a night laying next to my passed out wife. It was one of the loneliest feelings in the world. It even got to the point where I would lay there and about how great it would be to be dead. It seemed to me that that was the only way my suffering would end.
I finally reached a point where I couldn't take it any more and I moved out. We had been married 36 years. That was almost 2 years ago.
My story does have a happy ending though. I found SR and started going to Al-Anon. I am in a place where I enjoy life again and actually feel happy and content.
So, i guess the point of this is keep coming back because it can get better and you are not alone. I would be willing to bet that all of us here have been in a place very much like you are now.
Your friend,
I too had many a night laying next to my passed out wife. It was one of the loneliest feelings in the world. It even got to the point where I would lay there and about how great it would be to be dead. It seemed to me that that was the only way my suffering would end.
I finally reached a point where I couldn't take it any more and I moved out. We had been married 36 years. That was almost 2 years ago.
My story does have a happy ending though. I found SR and started going to Al-Anon. I am in a place where I enjoy life again and actually feel happy and content.
So, i guess the point of this is keep coming back because it can get better and you are not alone. I would be willing to bet that all of us here have been in a place very much like you are now.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Hi Ken
Welcome to SR. My ex was a binger too, although he drank most every day.
We did not live together which made things easier... he did a lot of his drinking at bars and went home because he knew I didn't want to put up with it. I eventually got pretty angry when he couldn't do simple things like show up on time, or go out for lunch with a friend without getting totally soused. I hated living that way.
Welcome to SR. My ex was a binger too, although he drank most every day.
We did not live together which made things easier... he did a lot of his drinking at bars and went home because he knew I didn't want to put up with it. I eventually got pretty angry when he couldn't do simple things like show up on time, or go out for lunch with a friend without getting totally soused. I hated living that way.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Don't know if it is true or not, but that is a muscle relaxer, my ex would also take somas (more than one), a muscle relaxer, drink and pass out.
My ex was/is a mixer upper, pills, crack, alcohol, you name it, he abused it...he was/is a garden variety addict.
My ex was/is a mixer upper, pills, crack, alcohol, you name it, he abused it...he was/is a garden variety addict.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
I'm Familiar
Ken, I'm familiar with your story - to a point. The one thing for you is that your Wife is at least going to AA; mine doesn't admit she has ANY sort of problem with drinking. Except when she wants to blame me for her drinking problem she doesn't have! Make sense?
Having your "DRY" conversation probably won't accomplish much of anything. Just sayin'. If it works for you, good luck, but I gave that up awhile back.
Do you have children in the household?
Having your "DRY" conversation probably won't accomplish much of anything. Just sayin'. If it works for you, good luck, but I gave that up awhile back.
Do you have children in the household?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Hi Ken and welcome to the forum!
I too take flexaril as needed for muscle spasms. When taken as directed, which would be one pill, it does not have the same affect on me as your wife. If taken while wide awake I feel nothing other than relief for my back. If taken while sleepy I probably go to sleep faster or may get a bit drowsy but I am certainly not "passed out" or anywhere close to it.
I too take flexaril as needed for muscle spasms. When taken as directed, which would be one pill, it does not have the same affect on me as your wife. If taken while wide awake I feel nothing other than relief for my back. If taken while sleepy I probably go to sleep faster or may get a bit drowsy but I am certainly not "passed out" or anywhere close to it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 152
Hi Ken,
Welcome to SR. As you become familiar with the folks on this site you will find some great people with a lot of good advice to help you. My story is more like CentralOhiodad. My AW is a daily drinker, is so far down the denial hole, and passes out almost every night at 8:30. Her consumption has increases over the years to where its at least 1 1/2 bottles of wine a night. We are here for you my friend. I am not much of a poster, but if I hadnt found this site I would be much more of a basket case than I am now. I am turning into an indifferent SOB, but for now that is my self preservation.
grizz
Welcome to SR. As you become familiar with the folks on this site you will find some great people with a lot of good advice to help you. My story is more like CentralOhiodad. My AW is a daily drinker, is so far down the denial hole, and passes out almost every night at 8:30. Her consumption has increases over the years to where its at least 1 1/2 bottles of wine a night. We are here for you my friend. I am not much of a poster, but if I hadnt found this site I would be much more of a basket case than I am now. I am turning into an indifferent SOB, but for now that is my self preservation.
grizz
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Southampton
Posts: 1
no title
I don't know your families circumstances but i can tell you that most likely the only reason that your wife would blame you or your marriage is because you're there and it's an excuse. My mum binges (when she drinks she can start at 8am-bedtime, in fact she genuinely can't remember half of the 90's) and she once told me that her problems came from postnatal depression from when i was born.
Hearing a thought that, lets face it had already crossed my mind many times was like a knife to the heart. Then i found out she'd said the same thing to my sister, she'd blamed it on my dad (who's shockingly still with her after 24 years of marriage/alcoholism, and kudos to you too btw for sticking with it this far) and my grandparents. Basically the first person she could think of at the time. It sucks but when she's drunk, you can't trust a word your wife says and this is coming from someone who's spent her entire life (i'm 20 btw) desperately trying to trust her own mother.
Whatever she says it will never be your fault, this is something to do with her that she needs to deal with. But you probably already know this kind of stuff anyway.
I really hope, mainly for your sake that things get better because i know how much it can hurt and how, basically ill it can make you(i used to get ear infections, nose bleeds, dizziness, weight loss etc.. all because of stress) trying to handle this on your own.
Hope what i've said is helpful in some way.
Sophie x
Hearing a thought that, lets face it had already crossed my mind many times was like a knife to the heart. Then i found out she'd said the same thing to my sister, she'd blamed it on my dad (who's shockingly still with her after 24 years of marriage/alcoholism, and kudos to you too btw for sticking with it this far) and my grandparents. Basically the first person she could think of at the time. It sucks but when she's drunk, you can't trust a word your wife says and this is coming from someone who's spent her entire life (i'm 20 btw) desperately trying to trust her own mother.
Whatever she says it will never be your fault, this is something to do with her that she needs to deal with. But you probably already know this kind of stuff anyway.
I really hope, mainly for your sake that things get better because i know how much it can hurt and how, basically ill it can make you(i used to get ear infections, nose bleeds, dizziness, weight loss etc.. all because of stress) trying to handle this on your own.
Hope what i've said is helpful in some way.
Sophie x
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