Sadconfused

STBXABF typically only comes home with a six pack everynight but its friday which means he will come in with a 12 pack and intentions of staying up half thr night on his game. As long as I ignore him everything should be fine but i am so tired of this process. Im exhausted in general, i would love to just sleep uninterrupted. I always have to stay up until he passes out to make sure he doesnt block off the heater or fall asleep with a lit cigarette (which has happen more than once) and burn us all to the ground. I hate being his mother, im too young to deal with a teenager and he is too old to act like one.

On another note, i did some research on DV and I was left in tears. He shows all the signs (which i already knew i guess) but its scary that i am were i am now and even scarier to think of where it could led. I thought reading up on it would help me make the decision to leave but it has actually just terrified more. I read that something like 75% of deadly DV outcomes happen after the relationship ends which was a fear of mine all along. I have said for years that even if i left, i would never get peace. Damned if I do, Damned if I dont.

krisjbhm

What is DV?

dollydo

Domestic Violence.

Have you talked to anyone at a DV shelter? If not, I would suggest that you do so, you might be a little reassured about the process.

akalacha

I think DV means domestic violence.

rPdopn

When I was going through my rough patch, although I never touched my wife, I mentally exhausted her, like you stated. I might as well have hit her, with all the wrongdoings I was doing to her emotionally. She started giving me ultimatums, which I didn't believe, until she drove me to treatment and said, either this, or me. That's when it finally hit home. He may be past this, but you're not. I and many people will be praying for your safety and decision you make tonight.

amy55

Hi Sadconfused,

I think I know how confusing a time that this is for you right now. I think long before I really believed (or accepted) that I was in an abusive relationship, I did know it. Just couldn't really define it. Once I had a name for it, and started to read more about it, I did come out of my denial.

The stupidest thing I did then, was to let my ex know. I figured if he knew what he was doing, he would want to stop. (lol) See I have a very logical mind, and my mind was telling me that once you find out what a problem is, then the problem can be fixed. Well, maybe most times. You need to remember their minds do not work the same way. The wiring is their head is off. It's learned behavior. For someone to stop being abusive, it's like trying to retrain them, trying to teach them how to speak another language. Thats the one thing that really had to sink into my thick skull.

I really would advice you to call the hotline, and just be prepared. Find out what you can from them, find out what to do if you need to leave your house immediately.

Don't forget to breathe, you are dealing with the same person, but now you have more info.

Remember we are here for you, and we care

Seren

Hello sadconfused,

I can only just begin to imagine how sad and scared you must be. Leaving an abusive partner requires a plan. This link provides a lot of great information about making a plan and general safety tips when in a potentially dangerous situation.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html

Please take a look when you get the opportunity. We are here for you!

Recovering2

The abuse in my situation was all emotional/verbal. I didn't fear for my physical safety, but I was as exhausted as you are now. I knew I had to plan to leave, but due to circumstances couldn't just up and leave. I got a safe deposit at the bank, started putting important documents in it. Also had extra keys made, and put money I was saving in it as well. It's important not to let too many people know your plans. I had one trusted friend who knew.
Try to stay detached from his behavior for now, and make your plans. Also, I hope you're in AlAnon. That will be a great support for you.
Stay safe.