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Feel guilty for having fun w/o him

Old 01-10-2013, 06:38 PM
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Feel guilty for having fun w/o him

So I went out with my girls tonight and halfway through the night I thought of him and felt REALLY guilty to not be with him right now and wondered what he was up to, etc..... Bottom line is, I dont want to feel this way.... He is probably doing his thing now and having "fun" too!! Aka gettin wasted!!!! Help guys!!! i dont want to feel guilty for being happy without him!!!
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Old 01-10-2013, 07:42 PM
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Actually the times recently when I have had fun w/out the ex it has been a blessed relief.

You don't need to feel guilty for having fun, take care of yourself and stop worrying about someone you can't control. My two cents.
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Old 01-10-2013, 07:47 PM
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Like ziggy said, Worry about yourself first. Don't worry if he doesnt want the help or if he doesnt want to change.
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Old 01-10-2013, 09:24 PM
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Don't think of it as a night out without him, just think of it as a girl's night out...period. Even if you WERE with him, you would be entitled to a girls night out if you want. So let go of guilt and enjoy time bonding with friends. Those relationships are important too.
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Old 01-11-2013, 04:52 AM
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You are entitled to have fun without him, when one makes their entire focus another, they lose themselves.
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Old 01-11-2013, 05:15 AM
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Originally Posted by InkdNomad View Post
Like ziggy said, Worry about yourself first. Don't worry if he doesnt want the help or if he doesnt want to change.
i agree...
i would love to charge rent to my A with all the wasted space he put in my head!!!

just grieve...thats all you need to do...
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Old 01-11-2013, 07:14 AM
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I felt that way too the first few times I went out with friends without my A. But it got a little bit easier every time. You deserve to have some fun without worrying about him. Do it whenever you have a chance, in a little while it will get to feel natural, as it should.
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Old 01-11-2013, 07:34 AM
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I feel like like when i go out anywhere without him, it hasnt happened in a long time cause i dont go out anywhere without home anymore. The last time I decided to go out with a friend to a concert a few towns away all hell broke lose. The day before he slit my tires to try and stop me. I had them fixed and went anyway, i came home to his area cleanes out and everything else destoried and him passed out. This was before we had a kid, i was in denialthen and didnt realize it was the drinking that was the problem. I dont think I really realized until just now when i thought about it. Anyways i am rambling but stop worrying about him, enjoy yourself and let him do him cause we all know he is going to without a single care for anyone else.
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Old 01-11-2013, 07:38 AM
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I used to feel bad about going out without my AH, but part of the reason I felt bad is that I PAID for it when I got home. He would sulk and make passive-aggressive comments about my friends, whatever it was we did, and generally be gloomy and resentful. Then I had to walk on eggshells and reassure him to bring him back into the fold. It was so stupid and such a waste of energy.

Guess what? We are separated and he *still* gets cranky about me seeing my friends. I might be having too much fun. He's sitting around looking through my social media accounts -- and I realized recently, probably SR too -- trying to put a finger on where I am and what I'm doing. Joy!

The cure for your A is for your A to make some of his own friendships, both so he has things to look forward to that aren't dependent on your proximity to him, and so you can live your life without worrying about his abandonment issues. Healthy, supportive friends, ideally. And for you? Loving detachment. Learning to say, "I'm sorry you're bored/lonely, but I have plans and I plan to enjoy them! Ciao!"
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Old 01-11-2013, 07:40 AM
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Ooh! How appropriate today:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-go-guilt.html
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