seek

My grandson is my friend on FB. I hide his news feed, but once in awhile get curious and look at his page. I see things that concern me sometimes. I don't want to defriend him because I don't want to create a chasm in our relationship, which is what I think it would do.

What is your experience with this issue?

In a best case scenario, I would keep him for a friend and only look once in awhile and not react so negatively when I see stuff that bothers me - but I don't think that is realistic.

MyBetterWorld

Honestly, I doubt if your grandson would be upset if you weren't facebook friends. If things bother you, either delete or don't look at all!

MyBetterWorld

That came across as cold...I'm sorry that's not what I intended. I just mean...honestly I don't want to be friends with my mom, grandma, etc. on Facebook. I keep my friends on Facebook and my family separate.

SparkleKitty

If you don't think you can keep from looking, and aren't in a place (yet) where you can react dispassionately to his posts, perhaps temporarily removing him from your friend list is best. I'm with the poster above -- I am "friends" with only a few family members on Facebook! And if my mother had an account, I think our relationship would be better served by *not* being friends there!

Seren

With me it's old friends....people I love dearly, but we have nothing in common anymore and our world views are miles apart. I have a friend on Facebook whose posts do not appear on my newsfeed, either. When I am feeling strong enough to deal with it, I will go directly to her page and see what she has been up to. I also wish her a happy birthday and so on every year, but I can do that now without even going to her page.

It works OK for me because I know I will not change her and she will not change me, but I don't have to upset myself by hearing her political views and so on.

Valll

Ahhh yes seek - the dreaded FB word :>)

I left FB a few years ago as all it did was drain me of energy and make me feel guilty for not "accepting" friend requests from someone who used to know the ex of a friend of a friends ex... zzzzzzz.

Anyway, I understand your dilemna. I have a few nieces and nephews (young teens) who I know were on FB when I was first dragged into it on the big wave - as most of us were...and I decided not to ask them to add me as a friend as I felt it wasn't a good idea basically and thank goodness I didn't as I hear it all from other family members and it does effect them in a negative way.

I agree it is delicate but you must do what you feel is best for you. I am sure they would understand if you told them that it was time for Gran or Grandad to remove themselves...

Val

Joe Nerv

This is one of the many reasons I don't like facebook. Yet I have 2 pages, cuz as a musician, it's become essential. I don't go there much. I'd get into trouble. I'd rather find all my trouble here.

I'm with the gang that says delete him. If you ever get found out a white lie might be helpful. "Did I delete you? I don't have a clue how that happened, but lets be friends again." That's what I'd do. I had to delete certain people because I really didn't want to know what they were up to. I don't think any of them ever even noticed.

lillamy

It's not really a Facebook issue, it's a can't-control-my-control-urges issue.... maybe?
I'm saying that because I blocked AXH from my FB account, then opened a second one to be able to spy on him.

It did me nothing good, but I simply could not keep myself from it for some reason, just like you.

Maybe a firm decision to not look at his page, one day at a time?

Recovering2

Aaahhhh......Facebook. I had some of the same struggles with FB when my ABF went into treatment. There were people on there who were not healthy for us (or me). How do I deal with it? If I "unfriend" will I create new problems? Do I try to not look at their stuff? What if they post on my page, do I respond?
My answer was to deactivate my account. It didn't delete my page, it's still all there if I decide to activate it again. It was the right decision for me. I actually don't miss it (much). It quieted a lot of extraneous noise in my world. If I do go back on, I will then delete from my friend list as I see fit. They won't know since they all think I'm off FB by now anyhow!

Aems

I adore Facebook! I'm connected to so many wonderfully spiritual pages and support groups. A lot of people don't understand just how vast FB is. I'm not "connected" to any of my family and I prefer it that way. My FB friends are a vast array of like minded people I met on the internet.

Did you friend your grandson or did he friend you? Maybe you could drop him a msg telling him that you'd like to unfriend him and tell him something about "privacy" or something so he understands your discomfort. Ask him how he'd feel about that. We are all individuals, even our grandchildren. Sometimes it's difficult to see the differences between us.

Confetti

I think a quick message something along the lines of " I love you and love hearing how you are doing but there a just some things a grandma doesn't care to read about her grandson doing on fb!" Make it light hearted and tell him that you hope he doesn't mind if you guys are 'phone friends' instead of fb friends. Or keep his feed hidden and don't check up....I know.... Easier said than done.