bailey17

We broke off our 3 year relationship 4 months ago (for the 2nd time) , and he is now engaged to his rebound girlfriend who needs American citizenship so they are getting married. She is also an alcoholic. Engaged after dating for a month! Part of me feels so hurt and rejected that he rebounds into an engagement. The other part of me is kinda laughing about it. I can't stop thinking about it, which is exhausting and annoying. I have a therapist and am working on my issues. But it still hurts. Ugh. Just needed to vent I guess.

ZiggyB

Hi,
I am so sorry to hear that. It must really hurt! I don't know why some people are capable of moving on so fast. When I got separated from my exh, he had a new girlfriend within a month then he married her as soon as we got divorced. It is difficult for sure.

bamboo10

I am so sorry you are hurting. Just remind yourself that he is never going to have from her what you gave/could give him. She is a fellow alcoholic-he chose her because he now has a drinking buddy that doesnt care about his health and his well being-you did. Guess who is better for him? DUH...you. But he doesnt want to stop drinking, so in his eyes she is better right now. She is a major enabler and thats what he wanted. My personal belief on people marrying for citizenship-its stupid. I have a friend that got married after a month to give her bf citizenship. The entire thing blew up in her face and she ended up with a costly fight for an annulment. Just try to remember that you are better than this, you deserve better than this. You will get through it and will come out so much better on the other side. I know it sucks and it hurts right now, but you do deserve better.

iamthird

Ive been there...they move on so quickly because theyre avoiding reality. Count your blessings and allow yourself to feel it and move on.

cr995

Know the feeling. Hard to understand. Part of the disease - maybe? It's not you - it's him. The problem I'm guessing was his alcoholism - not becos he fell for someone else. He must be so scared to be alone.

Rosiepetal

Sorry for your hurt.
They move on so they don't have to face reality, it keeps denial alive.
It will not be a healthy relationship that's for sure.
Hugs, I know its hard.
:ghug3

Recovering2

I understand feeling a little "ouch" that he's engaged so fast. But he hasn't "moved on", he's seeking a co-conspirator in his disease and he found it! You are in a MUCH better place than they are. Be grateful that you didn't marry him if his choices are so poor, you are free to seek a happy healthy life. 2 A's who marry for rebound and citizenship....there's alot of chaos ahead for them.

LifeRecovery

It was so hard for me to just let myself feel how much this hurt (my exAH had an affair and married his affair partner soon after the divorce).

I kept wanting to cover it up and make it better...and make it go away.

For me this just made it come out sideways, and it certainly prolonged the pain of it because it just allowed it to stew and ferment.

Hugs to you for venting and putting it out there. I hope you know how healthy that is.

celticgenes

Bailey, I'm going to tell you what one of my doctors told me when I announced I had broken my engagement to my A: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Aren't you glad this selfish SOB is someone else's problem now?

Of one thing I am certain, more will be revealed. Peace to you.

Be well.

bailey17

Thank you to everyone, so helpful. I've been acting like its not bothering me, hoping it would go away. I feel so much better getting it out and acknowledging that it DOes hurt. Hopefully this will help me heal from it all. Thanks again

amityville

it's a rotten feeling, being cast aside and made feel so lousy for loving a person who doesn't care... i'm only just coming out of a disaster/ farce of an engagement with xabf.
same story in that he's appeared to have moved on immediately, changed his whole image etc like he gets a clean start... it really hurts to be the one left feeling it.
i hadn't realised until you said there, about being afraid to feel how much it hurts, i've been restricting it to small doses for the last week, i'm afraid i won't be able to function if i go any further in to it! go with whatever works i suppose
i'm really sorry you're feeling bad right now, but at least you can say you have the backbone to face it, it's a hard thing to do and you're not out there looking for a random human crutch to fall back on. people like that are not real people, they don't do real feelings and they will never understand the concept of real love, so good luck to them!!
you'll put yourself back together properly and you'll be strong and happier than before, thanks for posting, i hope you have a better day tomorrow xox

PohsFriend

Wow... I get the emotional gut punch on this one but I know how tough it is at times with one recovering alcoholic and one formerly enabling sober person.

One time when my beloved was a tad pissed at me she made a comment about how if she and I were not together she would probably only date another recovering alcoholic who could really empathize.

That stung me hard, the thought that went through my head was..l well it rhymed with "one fateful itch". The second was "yeah? So who's going to handle ****?".

There's a joke in AA - how can you tell that two members are on their second date? ...the U-haul truck. It makes sense but my beloved bride (who is neither ungrateful nor bitch) tells me stories about how rollercoasteresque some of those relationships are.

Hang in there. If they are both active, yikes!

Shadydeal

The reality is count your blessings but that doesn't take away the feeling of rejection and hurt! That is very real! It always find it amazing how people can replace people so quickly but I doubt very much is real about that anyway. I can tell you based on my own dealing w my XABF when 2 Active A get together it's a living nightmare and the bright side you won't be caugh in the middle. They can't stand up alone; let a lone stand each other up! So, you can only guess what might just happen. One never really knows but it was a real disaster for my XABF and his AGF. Either here nor there; I think anytime someone moves on so quickly it hurts! I wish I could forward a little faster lol! Hang in there - Try to tell yourself the same thing I do.....I know what he has to offer and it's just not good enough!