jodane

Can you learn to live with a alcoholic and help each other in recovery ?

You see my much loved abf started drinking again after six weeks in rehab so I said he had to go as i cant deal with his drinking anymore. He said he would go to his mums
later he text me and said sorry then i phoned him to see if he had got there.

He said he didn't know where he was. I could hear traffic in the background then the phone cut out and he went missing.
no contact with me, family or friends for 5 days.

Then today he text me and said Im ok.....going to turn my phone of to save battery, its not to hurt you, its what you wanted. I will always love you.

The thing is I love him and want him home but I dont know how to handel things when he drinks, and even though he wants to stop it's easyer said than done.
we have been together 2 years and when he is sober things are great. when he goes on a binge I do all the wrong things and make it worse for him to stop. I did not realise that i was hindering not helping until I found this site.
I want him home but would it be better for us to stay apart or
can you learn to live with an alcoholic and be happy.

lovingenabler

I think it's important that you stay true to your word. You cant give people ultimatums and then not keep them!! That defeats the whole purpose of an ultimatum.... You should make it clear to him that he has a choice : drink or u... He chose drink, so there's ur answer. He is not a bad person, he is just a victim of this diseas but he DOES have a choice...

If u take him back he will know that he can get away with anything and u will always take him back... Stay strong dear, I am not talking out of my A$$ here... I too have a muuuch loved Xabf who I had to let go of because he chose alcohol over me... I thought he was the love of my life gave him everything my loving heart could give and more!!! And u know what??? He promised me eternal love... But where is he now???

Drinking the pain away!!!!!

Sorry to be tough dear, but this is the reality of this disease

Good luck to you. Stay strong. If u love him, stay true to ur word. Just my two cents...

firebolt

That's the question of the century, huh?!

I'm trying to figure that out myself.

For me, I don't think so....but its been known to happen. I've met a few in Alanon, and a few on here that seem truly happy with life - despite the alcoholism they live with. Never say never, but don't waste your whole life trying to answer that question either.

I'm working on taking this advice myself Best of luck to you, and sorry to you and ANYONE in this situation.:ghug3

jodane

lovingenabler and firebolt
thank you for your words of wisdom Im so glad I found this site you have all helped so much,best wishes to all:ghug3

dollydo

You have children, children should never be raised in a home where addiction is present.
They hear and see everything, and will carry their childhood into adulthood, I would suggest that you put them first.

Let him stay at his mothers, based on his actions, he is not serious about his recovery, he is an active user. He is showing you exactly who he is, believe him.

Take care of you and your children.

choublak

How does one learn to be happy with someone who "goes missing" from time to time?

ZiggyB

For me the answer to that question would be no...

Like you I was also doing all the wrong things but the pain was too much for me to bear. I got tired of being lied to and worrying about him all the time.

Plus if you look up all of the health problems caused by excessive drinking, there's a lot. Cancer, heart disease, liver disease and permanent brain damage to name a few. Not to mention the psychological effects: depression, anxiety, anger & mood swings.

Is that what you want for a life time partner?

jodane

I know you are all right thank you for your time spent posting it helps so much :ghug3