Independence
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 178
Independence
My little black runt-of-the-litter kitten fell (jumped really) into the deep, dark, mysterious void behind the washing machine tonight, and I wondered how she would ever manage to get out, especially as I physically couldn't get her out myself without help.
The phone rang and I was distracted for a second. I thought, I will get to my kitten out in a minute.
By the time I had ended my brief conversation, she had managed to claw her way out by herself through her sheer resourcefulness.
I turned my attention to all the things RABF says he can't do without me in his life and I re-evaluated...
The phone rang and I was distracted for a second. I thought, I will get to my kitten out in a minute.
By the time I had ended my brief conversation, she had managed to claw her way out by herself through her sheer resourcefulness.
I turned my attention to all the things RABF says he can't do without me in his life and I re-evaluated...
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
Lol.... So Audrey...
In your first posts, like most of us, there were several obvious (to those further down the road) problems and like most of us when we first started researching alcoholism, you sounded pretty lost.
I was reading your story to my beloved recovering bride and recall predicting that you'd learn fast... I said "well the good news is that she may be ignorant on this topic but she's not stupid... Anyone who uses 'eventuated' properly in a sentence is going to figure things out pretty fast".
It's good to see that you are figuring things out and the kitten metaphor is a pretty good one. I was getting a lot if gentle suggestions initially to stop working and thinking harder than me beloved bride was on her recovery and it took a while to sink in.
Your epiphany reminds me of a similar one about a little girl waiting for a butterfly to hatch and seeing it struggling to get out if it's cocoon. Being tender hearted she wanted to help it so she helped pick away at the cocoon until the butterfly was free. The butterfly promptly fell to the ground and died. The moral of the story was that the butterfly needed to build its strength by fighting its way out if the cocoon so that once it emerged it would be strong enough to fly on its own.
...it was tough for me when it all sunk in. I realized that all my helping, covering and fixing had allowed my then girlfriend to relax and keep drinking because I was preventing or taking on the consequences for her.
Just now I saw this whole story from a different perspective - the little girl who was just trying to help probably didn't have a support forum and must have felt pretty awful.
Sorry it takes me a week to make my point sometimes but I really have one here - once you start researching and seeing other people going through the same things you are it's easy to beat yourself up for everything you did 'wrong'. Just remember that we do the best we can with the tools and understanding we have at a given time. We are 'smarter' as we go and do better as a result.
Hang in there. Hope he's making progress but whether he does or doesn't its good to see that you are making progress.
In your first posts, like most of us, there were several obvious (to those further down the road) problems and like most of us when we first started researching alcoholism, you sounded pretty lost.
I was reading your story to my beloved recovering bride and recall predicting that you'd learn fast... I said "well the good news is that she may be ignorant on this topic but she's not stupid... Anyone who uses 'eventuated' properly in a sentence is going to figure things out pretty fast".
It's good to see that you are figuring things out and the kitten metaphor is a pretty good one. I was getting a lot if gentle suggestions initially to stop working and thinking harder than me beloved bride was on her recovery and it took a while to sink in.
Your epiphany reminds me of a similar one about a little girl waiting for a butterfly to hatch and seeing it struggling to get out if it's cocoon. Being tender hearted she wanted to help it so she helped pick away at the cocoon until the butterfly was free. The butterfly promptly fell to the ground and died. The moral of the story was that the butterfly needed to build its strength by fighting its way out if the cocoon so that once it emerged it would be strong enough to fly on its own.
...it was tough for me when it all sunk in. I realized that all my helping, covering and fixing had allowed my then girlfriend to relax and keep drinking because I was preventing or taking on the consequences for her.
Just now I saw this whole story from a different perspective - the little girl who was just trying to help probably didn't have a support forum and must have felt pretty awful.
Sorry it takes me a week to make my point sometimes but I really have one here - once you start researching and seeing other people going through the same things you are it's easy to beat yourself up for everything you did 'wrong'. Just remember that we do the best we can with the tools and understanding we have at a given time. We are 'smarter' as we go and do better as a result.
Hang in there. Hope he's making progress but whether he does or doesn't its good to see that you are making progress.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Wow, Audrey1, what a story! I think I was that poor little kitten stuck in the "behind the washing machine deep dark void" - who KNOWS what lurks there, I can't ever pull it out...
And I'm moving out into the clear, free air again. Give that cat an extra pat from me! We DO get there, sooner, later, easier, harder, but we DO get free.
ShootingStar1
And I'm moving out into the clear, free air again. Give that cat an extra pat from me! We DO get there, sooner, later, easier, harder, but we DO get free.
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 178
I'm glad you liked my story. Sorry about the typos.
UPDATE I discovered last night (or early this morning... bad sleeper) why my fearless kitten had taken the plunge.
She and her ginger brother followed me into the bathroom as they tend to (they have strange interests), and her whiskers immediately stood to attention. Quick as a flash, she was back on top of the washing machine before disappearing into the black chasm for a second time. Her somewhat less athletic (read: lazy) counterpart was waiting at the ready down below, but wasn't quick enough to catch the little mouse she flushed out which, incidentally, bolted across the bathroom and caught me with my pants down before disappearing into my big slippers! After a bit of a silent jig, the mouse was back out in the open and the pair took it from there.
Not sure how my update relates to my RABF or my slow letting go (unless of course we try to stretch the metaphor further towards something like my RABF needing to flush out his own dark and furry monsters before he can claw his way out of the black chasm of addiction, while I sit back and try to avoid being bitten on their way out... hmmm), but it made me laugh so maybe it will for you too.
P.S. PohsFriend - For the record, I like your long posts. They have been highly enlightening.
P.P.S. amooseoncebitmysister - "amooseoncebitmysister"... really?
UPDATE I discovered last night (or early this morning... bad sleeper) why my fearless kitten had taken the plunge.
She and her ginger brother followed me into the bathroom as they tend to (they have strange interests), and her whiskers immediately stood to attention. Quick as a flash, she was back on top of the washing machine before disappearing into the black chasm for a second time. Her somewhat less athletic (read: lazy) counterpart was waiting at the ready down below, but wasn't quick enough to catch the little mouse she flushed out which, incidentally, bolted across the bathroom and caught me with my pants down before disappearing into my big slippers! After a bit of a silent jig, the mouse was back out in the open and the pair took it from there.
Not sure how my update relates to my RABF or my slow letting go (unless of course we try to stretch the metaphor further towards something like my RABF needing to flush out his own dark and furry monsters before he can claw his way out of the black chasm of addiction, while I sit back and try to avoid being bitten on their way out... hmmm), but it made me laugh so maybe it will for you too.
P.S. PohsFriend - For the record, I like your long posts. They have been highly enlightening.
P.P.S. amooseoncebitmysister - "amooseoncebitmysister"... really?
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 40
Love the story Audrey. personally id take the additional part of your kitten now having no fear of the chasm to possibly relate to yourself. once the thing that you feared the most has been conquered and seen for what it truly is. then you can move on from it and continually be afraid or cautious of going over the edge.
but that's just me.
but that's just me.
. My cats love the bathroom too, funny
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