Please help me get through the day

Old 01-08-2013, 08:39 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I am sorry and although I am not a mother....I have been that GF on the other end of the phone worrying right along w his mother for days/nights on end! Same fear same reason! Just horrible! In my XABF he wouldn't answer the phone, text and sometimes he'd turn it off! I hope he will be ok and this will be his bottom. Just wanted you to know that I feel for you-hugs to you!
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Old 01-09-2013, 04:06 AM
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Update: As all of you experienced SR members probably knew, he did text me asking to spend the night because it was cold. He hadn't slept since the night before and had been walking around outside. I'm sorry- I did let him back in for the night. It was probably wrong but- the relief I felt was immediate. He smelled like wood smoke so he must have made a fire to keep warm. I should have thought of that ..... he's pretty good in the woods.

He had been drinking ( of course- despite trying to deny it - why do alcoholics lie so much?) and ended up crying himself to sleep. (manipulation??) He said he "can't stop".

The plan is this morning for him to call and try to get into some kind of detox. He still has insurance. And, then I hope we can somehow find a sober living home that he can work and pay his rent for.

Having an addict for a family member is living in a nightmare every single day.

Thanks again for all of the support- I'm sorry if I disappointed some of you.
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Old 01-09-2013, 04:09 AM
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You haven't disappointed anyone! You are a Mom and you worry about your son. No one here has any right to make a judgement about your decision to let your son stay there last night.

I'm glad that your heart was relieved by knowing his location. I hope that he grabs hold of recovery with both hands for his own sake.

I hope that you can get some rest today! Many hugs
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Old 01-09-2013, 04:12 AM
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Originally Posted by HopefulmomtoD View Post
Update: As all of you experienced SR members probably knew, he did text me asking to spend the night because it was cold. He hadn't slept since the night before and had been walking around outside. I'm sorry- I did let him back in for the night. It was probably wrong but- the relief I felt was immediate. He smelled like wood smoke so he must have made a fire to keep warm. I should have thought of that ..... he's pretty good in the woods.

He had been drinking ( of course- despite trying to deny it - why do alcoholics lie so much?) and ended up crying himself to sleep. (manipulation??) He said he "can't stop".

The plan is this morning for him to call and try to get into some kind of detox. He still has insurance. And, then I hope we can somehow find a sober living home that he can work and pay his rent for.

Having an addict for a family member is living in a nightmare every single day.

Thanks again for all of the support- I'm sorry if I disappointed some of you.
Hopefulmom,

Sent you a pm.
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Old 01-09-2013, 04:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Hopeworks View Post
Hopefulmom,

Sent you a pm.
Maybe I'm too quick, lol .. but, did not get it.
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Old 01-09-2013, 05:21 AM
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Hopefulmom - I am glad he showed up and that for a night you got some relief.

I would recommend moving quickly on getting him out of the house. Remember plans you have tried before that have failed - don't fall prey to promises that won't be kept only to find your own self in the same situation.

Regarding his depression. Was he diagnosed by a psychiatrist for depression and was he regularly (every month) seeing one for treatment? mental issues and addiction go hand in hand. My RAH was treated for depression for 10 years when he was not clinically depressed rather was bi-polar. Doctors are quick to hand out anti depression medication especially those who have no business doing so (GP's and gynecologist's). Depression is a symptom of many psychological issues - and sometimes it is a trial and error to figure it out hence a monthly meeting with a psych who can monitor if there is improvement (or not which is just as indicative) and adjust medications accordingly.

My other suggestion would be to look into a different sort of program for your son. Here, and I am sure there are many, are some detox/rehab that are geared specifically toward youth. This program is a months long program and is a work style rehab - they farm, learn to build/constuction, take care of the barns and animals and receive intense counseling. Everything is merit based i.e. it could be two months before you hear from your son as he would have to earn the privilege to make a phone call. I know 2 people who put their children in this type of facility and both were successful. I guess 2 people isn't a lot to base looking into it but it could be something you feel might work. If you are curious send me a PM I can find out the name of it so you might be able to locate something similar near you.

Your son is at a tough age IMO - old enough to be considered a legal adult but so young not to have the life experience to understand what the hell he is doing to himself and others. I certainly don't blame you for the choice you made if he was 30 or 40 I would have another opinion.

And yes I have before wished that RAH would just die. Not while he was relapsing but previous to that when I lived with him for nearly a year as an undiagnosed bi polar. At times, I felt so hopeless and when I looked at him felt his issues were so insurmountable that death may be a better option rather than to go through life so tortured. I don't feel that way anymore.

Hope today is a good day and as always you are in my thoughts.
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Old 01-09-2013, 07:05 AM
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Redatlanta,

Thanks for the suggestions. He has been pretty regularly taken to a therapist for his issues. Just has been taking the anti depressant meds for a year or so- but, he definitely feels better on them. Bipolar? I don't know. At one time his therapist mentioned it as a possibility. If he is, he does not have any highs. Only low and lower.

Since he got home from rehab, his mood seemed pretty stabilized. However, he started drinking within a few weeks (who knows really- I'm not going to use him a source). However, I only found two vodka bottles in our house. Hopefully, we caught it pretty early. I think his drinking picked up this week once we kicked him out of the house. He has zero coping skills. And, I know he will not handle GF breaking up with him, so I'm trying to get him somewhere today. Girlfriend drama in the past = major increase in his drinking.

If you put in a link, I don't see it. I'm always open to ideas of where to send him. Outdoors would be good for him- he is pretty familiar and has always loved it. I think we will be lucky if we get more than a 3-4 day hospitalization out of our insurance, but I figured it would buy me sometime to figure out next longer term step.

edited to add: Finances are an issue this time. I swore I would never pay another dime ...

If there was a pill to take that would make me not care about him anymore, I think I'd take it. ;- )
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Old 01-09-2013, 04:47 PM
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I am not suggesting he is bi-polar - I am simply suggesting that he may need to have some adjustment made to his medications.

FYI - there are 3 types of bi-polar - my RAH has 2 and he does not get the "high's rather his "mania " is irritablility and sleep issues.

I will ask my co-worker where they sent their son - the cost was very low - I want to say like 5k or so for 9 months - the 'patients" work for lot of the cost. I will send yo ua link tomorrow.

If you happen upon that forget pill let me know sometimes I'd like to take one
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Old 01-09-2013, 07:04 PM
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Thanks redatlanta.

It's been hard to muster up much sympathy for him lately, but when I asked him today what he wanted in life, he thought for quite a while, and then said "just to be happy". There is something there ... is it just depression? IDK.

Anyway, thankfully, our insurance is covering some detox/rehab and he is safely tucked in and I get to sleep in peace. Not sure how long he'll get, so I'm going to enjoy every second of knowing he is safe and not drinking. And, try to figure out the next step.
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Old 01-09-2013, 07:23 PM
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I am glad he's okay! I know how scary it can be and have lived it many times. I don't think anyone is disappointed. I wouldn't want to disclose the large number of enabling things I have done that may or may not have been right! I did the best I could do at the time w/what I knew to do! I certainly don't have the room/right to judge nor do I want to be judge! We are here if you need us! Best wishes to you and your son
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Old 01-10-2013, 03:45 AM
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Now might be a good time for him to figure out his next step while he is in a recovery environment.

My experience with "Jr." was that if he did the 'figuring', then he was more likely to actually follow through on the plan he made.

Many hugs and prayers for you all, and I do so hope you have been able to get some rest!!
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Old 01-10-2013, 04:03 AM
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Originally Posted by hydrogirl View Post
Now might be a good time for him to figure out his next step while he is in a recovery environment.

My experience with "Jr." was that if he did the 'figuring', then he was more likely to actually follow through on the plan he made.

Many hugs and prayers for you all, and I do so hope you have been able to get some rest!!
Ha ... good point. Of course, planning has never been an ability he has demonstrated.
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Old 01-10-2013, 04:13 AM
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No time like the present for a little practice--practice makes perfect, you know
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