Support

Old 01-07-2013, 01:01 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Weslaco
Posts: 1
Exclamation Support

My daughter is an alcoholic. I've not been around her physically for quite some time. She nips hard liquor all day every day. She's had stomach cancer in Feb of 2012 to remove 1/3 of her stomach from a rare Stromal GIST tumor. Now she had cancer activity again and is scheduled for surgery soon for hysterectomy.
I know from reading here that I can't stop her or control her. My big question is, when it comes to the term "enabling", how do I know if I am or not?
She is calling me tonight to talk about an incident that occured while she was visiting....it was/ could have been deadly to someone here, but she was "joking" as she said at the time. I didn't thing she was that drunk at the time to point a gun at someone for kicks...!!!but she is saying she doesn't even remember doing it, that is why she is calling me tonight. No doubt to apologize and register that she has no memory of it. I personally believe she does remember it, but that she wants to claim a "fugue" state from alcohol. At the same time, she scared the jeepers out of the two people who witnessed it. She wasn't slurring her words.
When she calls, how should I respond? I'm 60, she's 37. I love her dearly and she's a wonderful sober person with a huge heart. Thanks anyone...
Snap is offline  
Old 01-07-2013, 01:49 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
Hi and welcome Snap

I've moved your thread here to our Family and Friends forum - I know you'll find support here.

I think you have a right to set boundaries in your own home.

I definitely believe you have a right not to expect drunken people to wave guns around - it's not just scary, it's downright dangerous.

I'm not sure what your relationship is like with your daughter but you have the right to set boundaries for yourself and your home and insist they be met, by everyone daughter or not.

I wish you and your daughter well during her treatment.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 01-07-2013, 01:56 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
I'm no angel!
 
dollydo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728


Not good, personally I would no longer allow her in my home. IMO her actions speak of addiction, and no one ahould be subjected to her behavior, least of all you, in your home.
dollydo is offline  
Old 01-07-2013, 02:04 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Maylie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
Drinking is no excuse for waving a gun around. I'm sure she is going to call tonight, say "I don't remember" and then she is going to expect you to say "everything is fine, no one got hurt".

As a recovered addict, I strongly believe that addicts need to feel the consequences of their actions. If this is just brushed under the rug then she won't feel the negative consequences of her drinking, and the cycle of drinking will continue. If this was a friend that came into the house and waved a gun at two people, how would you react? Sometimes, taking out the fact that she is your daughter, and reacting to the situation as you would if it is someone else, helps not to enable.

It sounds like her drinking is escalating and getting dangerous. Please make sure that from now on she does not have access to a gun when she is in your home. She is a grown woman, she knows exactly what she is doing, and there is no excuse for threatening people's lives, whether it was a joke or not. ( I would like to point out that if she doesn't remember it, she can't say it was a joke.)
Maylie is offline  
Old 01-07-2013, 02:20 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Tuffgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome, Snap.

What a challenging situation. She's your daughter, of course, you love her. It seems to me you are asking more about boundaries here.

Obviously waving a gun around at people while intoxicated is not ok, nor is it legal. She could have been arrested for that - it is at least an assault offense.

But if she claims to have no memory of it - there is nothing you can do other than be firm with your boundaries. A good place to start might be to tell her she can't come around if she is obviously intoxicated. If she gets obviously intoxicated in your home, she'll have to leave. And then I'd hide the weapons.

Keep reading and keep coming back!
~T
Tuffgirl is offline  
Old 01-07-2013, 02:52 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
If you haven't been around her physically for some time, sounds like that's the best plan to stick with. Drinking or not, pointing a gun is inexcusable and dangerous. I think it's important to set boundaries and not cave to the manipulation alcoholics are so good at. My parents always forgave my brother and listened to every excuse...so today he is 50 and still addicted. They are in their early 80's and still stuck. You don't want that life, for you OR your daughter.
Recovering2 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:01 AM.