PippiLngstockng

Boy would I LOVE to go No Contact. He's out pf the country but not out of my computer range.

STBXAH recently posted a photo of me with my 12 yr old girl. We are facing each other and it's very candid - why he took this photo I don't know! But he comments on it thus: this is not a confrontation, just a comparison of heights".

One of his new, er, strategies is to try to convince old friends and family that I have mental health problems and that I have inexplicable outbursts of anger directed at him or our older children. So this is his way to recall that point with everyone?!

Question: do I ask him to get rid of it?! Or ignore this kind of continuous slander and let people just think what they will?

Ach! If I were Pippi I'd just throw him up in the air a few times!

PippiLngstockng

P.S. In the photo were are pretty close, face to face. We are both half smiling/ joking and the other children are in the foreground, but he kind of zoomed in at us from afar.

suki44883

If it were me, I would unfriend him and stop looking at his FB page.

PippiLngstockng

Hi suki,

Would love to unfriend my husband, but my children?! They'll hear about it...i worry about the repercussions...

m1k3

To use a common Al-Anon saying, it's none of my business what others think of me. Not a bad lesson to start teaching the kids either.

You have no control over what others say, do, write or post about you, so don't worry about it. And, definitely don't go wasting your time looking for it.

Your friend,

Thumper

You can block him if you'd like. He won't know that.

I'd probably just leave it alone, remove your tag if there is any.
I would be concerned that saying something to him would only result in him doing worse.

Maylie

I've learned very quickly that it does not benefit me in anyway way any shape or form to look at people's facebook pages. I have even completely deleted mine because I didn't want some people "checking up" on me and I know that I would have been tempted to look up certain people if I still had one.

I used to get really wrapped up in what others think, but now I try to remind myself that it doesn't matter what others think. I would unfriend him and stop giving him the satisfaction of getting to you. I'm sure he intentionally posts certain things because he knows you will be looking, and he knows it will get under your skin. Even if you kept looking because since you think there will be reprecussions from what he puts on there, there isn't anything you could do about it anyway. Sure, you could ask him to take things down, but that will only let him know that you still look at his page and that he is in fact getting to you.

I have found in many aspects of my life that when I stop obsessing and when the person realizes that I really could care less what he or she does, then the person stops trying. There is little satisfaction in trying to bother someone if that person does not fall into the trap and give a reaction.

I would sit down with my children (depending on their ages) and explan what is going on and that it doesn't matter what others think. You are doing what is best for your children and yourself, and if others are going to judge you then they have something missing in their own lives. Lastly, anyone that takes gossip and confronts a child about it, no matter what the child's age, seriously needs to take a look at their own lives and do some serious reflection.

Try to not give him the power, you are in your control of your own life.

Freedom1990

Amen to that!

He is going to do what he is going to do as others are. He will continue to believe as he believes as others will too. You have no control over that.

What you do have control over is yourself and your actions.

The more I read about FB experiences, it appears to be a bane for those in pain and transition.

As far as I can see, it serves no useful purpose for you to continue seeing his FB posts. Personally I block toxic people.

Sending you hugs of support!

fluffyflea

Ignore him, let him quack.

PippiLngstockng

If I block him, my Facebook status says that we are married. What happens then?!

PohsFriend

Ahhhh slander book repercussions? I just loved that day with my ex.

Unfriending was the trigger in my case. Unfriending is an action, it gets a reaction.

Good time to exercise "don't just do something, stand there!". You can go to your settings and make it to where you need to approve it before someone's tagging of you becomes visible to others. Likewise writing on your wall. Then you can put him and any minions he might hear from on your restricted list... You are still there, it just looks like you aren't active...

What's his objective? Provoke you into acting hysterical. What's yours? Deny him his objective. Lol, let him quack like a duck - you just swim like one -paddle like hell underneath but look calm and serene on the surface.

m1k3

Do you really care what Facebook says???

Your friend,

laurie6781

Change your status to 'Separated' and then block him, or unfriend him. Then stop
looking at FB.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

PippiLngstockng

Do I care what others think.

I have 2 children on FB. Some of their friends are my friends. If I block AH and my relationship status goes from married to not, I would want to talk directly to my children about separation/divorce before they learn about this from a kid in middle school.

I care about my children and they deserve to know before their friends know. Say what you like about lessons regarding people and gossip, but middle school is middle school.

In the meantime, I'll try to find me a tougher skin. Living across the ocean means that my only form of contact with many people in my life back there is through FB.

Here, I have another life altogether. People see me every day. I don't need FB to keep in touch!

BunnyNest

I had to block my loved one on FB completely. He would post things to get my attention, and it worked. Blocking him was the biggest step on my path to recovery. I didn't know at the time how much that simple step would help.

Valll

You do what is best for you at this moment in time Pippi - I suggest closing your account for a while - tell your friends and children that it is a personal choice...

I came off FB 2 years ago. Not for any other reason than that it made me feel guilty as I just didn't have the time to constantly adequately "feed it" so to speak...it really is like being in a zoo in my opinion.

Val

Kimmieh

If you go to his profile and hover your cursor over the "Friends" button, you can uncheck the option "show in newsfeed." That way you can still be friends without having to see his posts in your feed.

Katiekate

I am not a fan of facebook.

I do not have an account.

You can deactivate your account.

Facebook = Drama

It's self imposed pain.

PippiLngstockng

One thing I have thought about doing is leaving the account as it is - inactive. Then opening a new account under a revised name. New account, new life. Not ending anything for the moment. Just focusing and creating something new. Not brand new - just the me that is moving on

In the meantime, I do agree that I have to drop my concerns about what people are thinking. It is a big deal to drop status as being married to someone "succesful", give up the big house, 2 parent family and make my relocation across the ocean in another world here permanent, while dropping any illusion that AH is a nice guy, will quit drinking/lying when faced with the alternative (life without me - lovely wife - and 4 beautiful children. Then to have him going to the people I never see anymore but close friends - and say all these horrible things...I will adjust and I am eager to move forward but it's hard!

m1k3

It is hard. I'm sorry you you to go through this. ((((Hugs))))

I really started to heal when I put the focus on me rather than her. I can tell you it does get better. Keep posting, we are here for you.

Your friend,