cr995

I really don't know where to start.

While I don't feel that horrible feeling in my chest - like somebody poured acid in there -anymore -I just feel angry and sad. Like I have nothing to look forward to.

I am a beauty therapist and do male waxing - this morning I got a call asking if I do any 'extras' I just got so mad and it tipped me over the edge. I said No and put down the phone but what I really wanted to say was - In what way do you think 'extra's' had got anything to do with beauty therapy?!

I did get furious enough to amend my ad saying any such phone calls would be reported to the police.

I am mad that STBXAH has a GF - I feel - jilted , hurt , thrown over and so jealous - nothing my head tells me makes me feel any better. I spent this morning with my niece looking through old photographs - every one of them reminded me how miserable I was. And yet I feel so sad where I am now.

I feel pleasure when I read this is a 'progressive disease' I want this new relationship to turn to s*** now - not later. As if that is going to help me!

I left the A, he went on with his life and I - ME - I feel like the loser! Like he won!
I don't know why I feel so bad - its like as I said just nothing to look forward to. Not even that I haven't anything planned - I don't but I also cannot face going anywhere cos that's like just trying to avoid the sad/bad feeling. Thanks for listening.

ReflectingOnMe

So sorry that you are feeling so much pain. It is hard knowing that they can move on so quickly, but this in no way changes the value of your worth. Someone suggested i read the other woman syndrome thread (I think a sticky). It brought me a lot of peace; she isn't winning. He is still the same A that you left, you are the one making conscious changes. Peace be with you.

SparkleKitty

((cr995))

I'm so sorry you're hurting. I remember that place you are in well. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are closer to moving out of that place than you think. It is so difficult to change our ways of thinking, it requires living in the dark places to understand them and let them go, but what I read in your post above is understanding.

Keep posting, keep venting, we are he to listen and we understand.

cr995

Thank you that makes me feel better. SpakleKitty not sure I know what you mean in your last sentence.

SparkleKitty

It isn't very clear, is it? Sorry! I just mean that in order to feel better, we have to really go through all the ugly feelings first. It gets worse before it gets better. But because we went through the hard stuff, we have a deeper understanding of what we've been through. We haven't protected ourselves from the hard questions...and answers.

Unless you mean my VERY last sentence...in which case my stupid iPad replaced "here" with "he".

laurie6781

And with that being said, it can be of great benefit to do this with a 'guide of sorts' as in a therapist or counselor who specializes in addiction.

You CAN get through this. You CAN move on. You will find a 'new' world that is pretty dang interesting and yes, eventually you will find someone new if that is what you want.

So, as advised above, keep posting, keep venting, we are here for you.

Love and hugs,

cr995

Thanks - yes I understand.

I got so sick of thinking about AH and his gf today that I started going through Melody Beatties list of the codie traits. Each time I read it I got more and more depressed. It's like we put up with all the pain and ill-treatment only to get told it's all our fault. Then I decided to just read it again and accept them all.

And then try and work on those aspects - not keep letting people hurt and dis-respect me. But within a few hours I had texted Happy New Year back to pseudo-BF after ignoring his last message for days. His reply - to ask me if I am interested in 'doing it'! I sure know how to pick em. So I guess as much as I want to I can't go back to hiding myself in an 'affair'! But I find it difficult to say goodbye for ever. Saying No is a new thing and scary.

Katiekate

The pain diminishes over time.

Growth and coming to terms with things is very very difficult.

It's going to be okay, and you are not destined to an unhappy life, this is not terminal.

One step at a time, one minute at a time, your healed self will begin to emerge.

In the meantime be very very kind to yourself.

:ghug3

ZiggyB

Hi,
I remember how I felt when my EXH and I were separated - he had a new gf within months and right after our divorce he turned around and got married again. Even though I didn't want him I still felt this irrational jealousy - how dare he move on without me so quickly?

Then the last 6 months after breaking up with my A. I've been lonely and miserable too. That's what prompted me to go to therapy and work on myself. I've been getting back into the groove of being single and actually had a few really fun days recently. I got a library card and decided I was going to read a bunch of new books this year. I joined some new clubs and stuff. Slowly things are getting better but it does take a while. I live alone and it can be agonizing at times -- I just want someone here but I also know that unless I can be happy by myself I will never attract someone healthy into my life. I hope that makes sense.

-z

cr995

KatieKate Yes this makes sense. I caught myself - beating myself up, and told myself to stop and just let it go.
ZiggyB I think I want somebody - who maybe does not really exist - he has changed so much over the years and even in the beginning was kind of distant (others said 'cold' but I didn't notice). I am not living alone yet , but I think I will be soon as my son should be moving out this year. I feel so sad now when I know he is going away for the weekend and dread what it will be like when he finally goes. Yet I so want him to have his own healthy and independent life. I know that it's a stage that I also have to go through. I have never ever lived alone.
I would love to be financially independent , strong and self-reliant and not be bothered what AH and GF are doing and yet when I meet second wives in AlAnon I think this is the destiny I hope for - for the GF!! I feel Mean, mean , mean.

marie1960

Sending you hugs and support cr995.

As everyone else has said these painful feelings won't last forever. A new growth and perspective shall emerge, it just takes time and some focus on your part. When I found myself traveling down memory lane I had to force myself to refocus. Call a friend, go for a walk, a drive, read a book/magazine, clean the junk drawer....... anything to occupy myself and create a diversion . Try and experience something new, there is an amazing world to explore.

As far as the new GF....... she's going to be feeling exactly the way you currently do...... it's just a matter of time, active alkies are not known for their outstanding relationship skills.

Time to make 2013 your year to shine. Hang in there, it gets better.

Katiekate

We are all human, we all feel mean, or angry, or wish ill on others when we are hurting ourselves. It's the human condition.

Your feelings are not hurting anyone, and sometimes those kinds of feelings and thoughts protect us from the hurt underneath for awhile.

It's okay. Comfort yourself.