PresentTense

I miss my daughter every day. I have lost contact with her since mid November and the contact then was pretty sketchy. Mostly texts and messages and "I can't talk now but will call you later" kind of put offs.

I kind of hoped to see her for the holidays but she didn't call and I have no way to contact her. I had a wonderful Christmas in that I have other family members and friends that combined with tradition and the heart of the season made it a magical time. Busy, busy, busy and many happy memories...

I do everything I can to focus on my issues, my program, use the tools and it all works. It really does. But sometimes I am troubled because I feel like a part of me has died in this journey of addiction/recovery/addiction with my daughter. It has been five years. Recovery has not worked for her. More accutately, she has not chosen to do the work in recovery so she has just recycled over and over. But recovery has worked for me. It saved my life and I am so grateful. But I keep trying to revive that dead part of me because I feel like I have lost something. I have done some PTSD work which has helped. Even if the place inside where I feel dead never changes I don't want the dead to spread any further is what I am trying to say....thanks for listening.