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AH and the new puppy

Old 01-03-2013, 06:55 AM
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AH and the new puppy

So, we've had our new puppy for 6 weeks now. He's 15 weeks and 20 pounds and quite a handful. I'm really struggling with training him as he can be very insubordinate at times and his size is starting to make it more difficult to work with him. I do have us working weekly with a professional trainer and I'm hoping she can offer some suggestions. The pup can get so out of control that no amount of vinegar spray bottle can settle him down. Actually, every tactic I've tried out of Cesar's books and the Monks of New Skete books just incense the little guy even more. I can tell this dog is going to be my new project for a while. On the bright side, he's fantastic at working with me with basic commands and knows sit, down, come, look, and 'go to your place'. And, he LOVES everyone from the UPS guy to the neighbor to the 3 year old up the street. Super friendly pup and I'm hoping to start doggy socializing him soon once he finishes his booster shots next Friday.

On the other side of the story is AH. There are times when I have to leave the pup home and have AH watch him. When we got our dogs 17 years ago he was so active with those dogs and played on the floor with them, chased them around, etc. Now all he does is sit on the couch and tries to discipline from there or he ignores the dog. I wonder what really happens when I'm not home.
Ah has been pretty depressed recently because his boss confronted him about his drinking. Apparently one of the wives on the Costa Rica trip complained about my AH's behavior to the president of the company and according to his boss, AH has been quite the 'hot topic' at the corporate offices. AH told myself and the marriage therapist that he blames this woman for trying to ruin his career and putting his job in jeopardy because she obviously has her own marriage issues and is projecting them onto him. All I said was, "HUH? That's an interesting perspective." The therapist just sat there with his mouth hanging open.

I was out of town for 4 days after Christmas and the first night AH 'lost the dog' but didn't tell me about it until the following day. He fell asleep on the couch(yes he had been drinking) and says he woke up at midnight and couldn't find the dog. So, he wandered around the neighborhood(not sure how he thinks the dog escaped the yard), etc calling the dog. He came back in the house and finally found the dog asleep in my closet on the floor on my clothes. He admits he didn't have the back door closed nor did he have the indoor gates I set up closed(which means the dog should only have access to the kitchen and family room but instead had access to the whole house).

Then, when I came home there were all kinds of things chewed up and left on the grass in the backyard, there was a broken Christmas plate in the garage and a broken framed print that used to hang in my walkway to the dining room, and my AH had crashed on his mountain bike and has a huge gash on his forehead and all kinds of injuries on his body. It was like coming home to 'all heck broke loose', LOL! Anyway, I just cleaned everything up including 4 days worth of poop. When I asked AH about the plate he looked puzzled and I had to show him the damage. He just said, "oh, I must have stepped on it." UGH, I had that plate on top of the Christmas boxes to prevent it from being broken. Then the next day I found a beer bottle cap amongst the Christmas stuff so I figured that AH was looking for it and pulled out the plates and Christmas decor to find his 'evidence' before I did.

The first thing I thought of when I saw his bike and his head was the possibility that he was drunk and wanted to ride his bike 2 miles to the gas station to get more booze. But, after 11 months of Al Anon and many many therapy sessions I have to say that I am proud of myself for keeping my mouth shut. I said nothing about the mess, nothing about the dog issue, and nothing about the bike thing because I have finally learned that I get half truths most of the time anyway so why bother to confront or try to PROVE anything, right? I already know some real facts, the rest is my own assumptions and they too may also be right or they could be dead wrong. It's time for me to turn my AH over to my Higher Power. Oh, and the puppy too! Yesterday my son found a toilet paper mess in the bathroom and AH had been home for 2 hours with the dog. Son thinks dad fell asleep on the couch and didn't hear the dog going to town on the toilet paper. I'm just going to have to be very vigilant in taking care of the house with the puppy and make sure all hazards are put away, doors are closed, and just do my best to let go and let God. I don't know what God has planned for me this year but I do know that I am working hard on finding my own peace and serenity and I trust that all things work out in the end. I truly believe that promise from my HP.
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Old 01-03-2013, 07:17 AM
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When RAH was drinking I wouldn't leave my cats with him to take care of if I was going out of town. Perhaps in the future a kennel would be a better choice for new Pup doesn't sound like AH is really in any frame of mind to take care of himself much less a helpless animal.

Sounds like a relapse to me and good for you that you are at a point you aren't willing to engage in trying to find out if he did but...........

I would have kicked his A** if I came home to that mess.
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Old 01-03-2013, 07:40 AM
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Others at my ah's job have noticed too..they say they can smell it on him
And told him to seperate work from play.
Ah's response to me was NOT what I would have liked it to be.
Cannot recall what reasoning he said but it was the complete opposite of truth.
Alcoholics are the most baffling of creatures lol
Itll be right in their face and still its nowhere near them.
Also the it wasnt me thing or I dunno lol
Like withbthe broken plate. ...Ive had the same instances happen and get the same response
Or half truths.
And I agree I wouldnt trust an active alcoholic with another living creature.
You cant even trust them not to injure or neglect themselves.
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Old 01-03-2013, 08:43 AM
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Originally Posted by redatlanta View Post
When RAH was drinking I wouldn't leave my cats with him to take care of if I was going out of town. Perhaps in the future a kennel would be a better choice for new Pup doesn't sound like AH is really in any frame of mind to take care of himself much less a helpless animal.

Sounds like a relapse to me and good for you that you are at a point you aren't willing to engage in trying to find out if he did but...........

I would have kicked his A** if I came home to that mess.
At this rate, I just can't engage him about the mess because it would be wasted breath. As for the dog, once his shots are up to date I can start taking him with me or looking for good kennels, etc. I have some good neighbors I can trust to check on things for me too, and I plan on using whatever resources necessary. When I asked AH if he did any leash training with the dog while I was gone he told me, "hey, he's your dog. You're his master so no, I haven't worked with him."
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Old 01-03-2013, 08:49 AM
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Why did you get another dog?
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Old 01-03-2013, 09:12 AM
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I hope you are still preparing and moving forward with everything, including
financially for you and your son.

With his 'problem' now brought to corporate level he is in jeopardy of either
losing his job or being told he has to go to rehab to keep it. HE IS PROGRESSING
IN HIS DISEASE.

Glad that your program is working and you were able to abstain from saying
anything. Your recovery sounds good! You are continuing to move forward!

Remember that Cesar says the 'human' MUST remain calm, even when the
canine is escalating. lol I know that can be hard. But with practice you will
become 'Calm and Assertive' with said pup all the time.

Something I have noticed that puppy's and my dogs too for that matter like
to play with are empty plastic water bottles. Something about the sound
they make when they are crunched. Of course, I have to keep an eye out
so that as soon as a 'piece' is removed or bottle is about to go into 100
pieces it is removed. If you are having trouble with pup when walking on
leash, get either Cesar's Easy Walker or a Martingale Harness for the pup.
He will pull less and be more inclined to 'listen'. It is not a regular harness,
it has a strap that goes across the chest so that if they pull into it, they
stop, versus pulling on a collar and choking themselves but still going for-
ward, lol

Puppies can be so much fun!!! but they can also be real PITAs (pain in the
ass) lol

Good job keeping your focus on puppy instead of AH. I agree with above
in that if you have to leave for a day or more again, to put puppy in a
boarding kennel. It was obvious he was missing you, that he was lying in
your closet on your things. Send something of yours (that it doesn't matter,
an old T-shirt, etc) with puppy to boarding kennel and he will be fine.

Nice to hear your growth!!! Keep up the good work.

Love and hugs,
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Old 01-03-2013, 10:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Zee View Post
Why did you get another dog?
Honestly, mostly selfish reasons. I had 2 dogs whom we had to put down recently and I missed that wagging tail and companionship. I wanted a hiking partner and my son needs a good running partner, LOL! I also knew that there's no right time to get a dog. I could make excuses to my son and say, "maybe next year" and then next year would come and I'd put it off again. I guess I figured that I'd figure it out as we walked through this puppy journey. And, AH is good with the dog for most part: he set up a place in his office for the dog to lie down and he loves up on him( I catch it out of the corner of my eye when he thinks I'm not looking). I think he's putting on an act to some degree so that I take most of the responsibility for the dog. It's all just part of his show, and I accept that.
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Old 01-03-2013, 12:01 PM
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Just as you might with your son, you should consider yourself a single mom to the dog. It sucks, I know, but if you have the same low expectations you might not be let down so much, plus you will likely have a better dog for it.

Is there anyone else who could care for him when you are out. If you are gone days maybe a doggie daycare or kennel would work.
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Old 01-03-2013, 12:42 PM
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Originally Posted by XXXXXXXXXX View Post
Just as you might with your son, you should consider yourself a single mom to the dog. It sucks, I know, but if you have the same low expectations you might not be let down so much, plus you will likely have a better dog for it.

Is there anyone else who could care for him when you are out. If you are gone days maybe a doggie daycare or kennel would work.
We are hardly ever gone for more than a few hours a day and he gets put in his kennel. I have a neighbor who can watch him but if AH is home he gets upset if I suggest that someone else come to help with the dog. I can't do doggie daycare or anything like that yet as the pup hasn't had his rabies shots and still needs another round of booster shots at 17 weeks(he's 15 weeks now).
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