lovingenabler

I ran into him this morning as I was about to board my train...,, he was actoss the plaform, looking back, as if looking for me... We used to board the train there together for 2 years..... So I couldnt control myself and crossed the platform to say hello when he looked back the second time to confirm he had in fact seen me... I said hello, rode the train with him... I tried to be casual and nice but his answers were jus: yes, no, good, yes, ok, etc....

I said I didnt want to have bad energy with anyone or end in bad terms and he said: dont worry, I have good energy always.... Bummer!! And also a lie!!!

So I got off the train and said: ok, i just wanted to say hello.... Tears ran down my eyes as I walked awayfrom the man who had promised me eternal love and now wont even look at me!!!

I slipped!! Yes, I had an emotional slip, but I wont beat myself up over it....

Sorry, SR community..... But today I failed at No Contact

SparkleKitty

Don't apologize to us! We all understand, many of us have been there. Continue to be gentle with yourself! ((hugs))

lovingenabler

Oh, towards the end he also said: i dont want to talk right now!! Cant u tell?? Will you at least respect THAT????

Oh, it made me so angry I was going to tell him a list of things HE has failed to respect!! But I saved myself the embarassment of public drama and told myself its pointless!! All I wanted was to end in good terms, but clearly he thinks I am to blame for the failure of our relationship.... Such BS!! One year ago I fell for that tactic, but I know better than that this time around

SparkleKitty

There's something to be learned from everything. You were courteous and caring, and he chose to deny that overture, and you did not let yourself get caught up in the emotion and drama of the situation. Sounds like a positive thing, all told, to me, even if it was disappointing, too.

MsPINKAcres

You took the High Road, you kept your side of the street clean ~
please know all is good with you ~ try to do something positive, healthy & recovery oriented for you ~

Please try not to alllow anyone's negative energy to rent space in your positive world ~

pink hugs ~

brokenrose

Lovingenabler, it seems like you and I are truly living parallel lives lately, I too broke no contact yesterday and texted him just to tell him that I had watched a movie that we had talked about seeing together and it made me think of him, he did not respond. I beat myself up so much yesterday because the lack of response just proved how he has moved on and here I am still stuck....but really we did nothing wrong. All you did was go say hello to someone that meant so much to you for so long, it is normal behaviour. They are the immature ones who have to pretend we never existed, they are in denial about everything, they even have to deny that we existed because deep down they are ashamed. You did nothing wrong, and neither did I, it was just a normal human slip because we are caring and loving and they are not.....I hope you forgive yourself and begin to heal. I now truly understand when others write, no new contact=no new hurts. Please message me anytime, I get it, I really do. Hugs

Sungrl

Hi Loving, every time you slip is a reminder how cruel they can be. It just makes you stronger for next time. Consider yourself empowered!

cr995

There are so many parallels here and it just leads me to say - I think it's their issue not yours. A sick person is unable to respond the way a normal one does. I got that exact same behaviour from my STBXAH. And funnily enough I just realized that there was a day we were getting on really well - he was in the kitchen cutting up a goat and I started to video him and he immediately started behaving like that. The stress of being on camera seemed to cause him to default to that 'mode of behaviour'. He also behaved like that when I told him I was not coming back while he was still drinking. One word answers - no discussion. I don't know why this happens - it seems to be part of the whole ' not being able to process or deal with emotions'. I try not to wonder so much anymore. Breaking NC hurts but even that I believe is part of the grieving process. ((Hugs)).

ReflectingOnMe

Our breakup was so crushing (to me) that I cannot even bare the thought of talking to him/running in to him/etc. His daughter is getting married soon and we are close. I am invited to the wedding and I am going. I am hoping I can keep my 'chin up'. His daughter doesn't need his actions interfering with her big day (or any day for that matter). I never used to be able to understand why she had so much intense anger against her father..I get it now thanks to SR. I see my grand baby (his blood; not mine), I watch her and she spends the night with me. I love her so much (she is 4) and doesn't remember a time without me. It knocks the wind out of me when she asks when I am moving back in...or asks me any serious of innocent childlike questions "can't you just call him and tell him he loves you..he will remember"; "who will protect us?" . It makes the breakup fresh each time I see her and she is loving and kind, I cannot imagine coming face to face with him when my last memories are of him being emotionless and cold. I cannot imagine wanting to cross the street to him. God bless you lovingenabler; what an awful experience for you. On the positive side, at least you truly know now. His responses were not kind. Sending hugs.

ZiggyB

I've run into my axbf a couple of times... he works right across the street from me.

I saw him this morning but he didn't see me. I have spoken to him before but he doesn't want to be friends and he doesn't seem to want to go out of his way to talk to me. I might just ignore him from now on. Every time I see him it brings up a lot of bad feelings.

Yep, I feel the same way. Promised eternal love but then verbally abused and neglected and now he wants nothing to do with me. I feel so pessimistic about getting involved with another man.

dandylion

Dear loving---I'll bet that he is embarrased and ashamed/guilty. Of course, if this is true, he would not want to talk about it!.

Sounds like you are doing better than him.

Keep it up.

Dandylion

Diva76

Oh, Loving Enabler....

His behavior towards you is not about you, at all....
When I first broke up with boyfriend, we spoke about 4 months later and had a really decent conversation...

However...fast forward 6 months later....
(My therapist suggested I wait 6 months)
We spoke for about 5 min and all I got were one word
answers too....

In fact, it didn't even sound like him...
Actually, it was really sad...

Just to briefly re-cap, I was his crush in Middle School and MANY years later, he finally had the courage to look me up and ask me out...

(Sigh)

I can say with 100% certainty that I will never regret reaching out to him and encouraging him to seek help...

Maybe someday he will look back and understand that all me and my family were trying to do was help him...

Or maybe he won't....

Either way, I have learned that the only person I can change is me....

Don't beat yourself up....

You're allowed to have feelings about all of this...

Remember, his one word answers are indicative of him numbing out his pain with alcohol...

You, on the other hand, are facing your feelings head-on and that my friend, takes lots of courage....

I hope you are doing better...

lovingenabler

Thanks all of you for your support... I inevitably kept thinking about our encounter all day long.... Not obsessively, not sadly, just kind of........... I don't know, analytically, I guess... I rode that train for 25 minutes and all I got from his were one word answers, and when he managed to say a complete phrase it was only to diss me off:

example one: "can't you see i don't want to talk, can you at least respect THAT?"

example two: "no, i'm not angry!!! pfff... not angry at all, but what can I do? there's nothing I can do!!" (um, yeah dude!!! you could admit you have an addiction to alcohol and tell your family that I WAS NOT lying when I told them that and I am no crazy biatch, and you made all of that up so your family would hate me!!! all of it just to protect your alcoholism.... then you could appologize to me and go to AA or other recovery program!!!! there is something you could do to make things better!!)

example three: we will talk one day......... (um, like when? when i'm soooo over you that you need to desperately be sweet and kind and make a comeback? no, thanks!)

oohhhhhhhhhhhh ladies and gentleman, I'm so glad all of this is happening, I'm so glad we had that terrible fight 11 days ago and I am finally able to see with clarity the kind of man he is!!! I will try to wake up 15 minutes early so as to not run into him on the train station (at least for now), and definitely take the LEFT escalator............... i know the risk I run when taking the right one. small changes can make a big difference!!!

I was sad and lonely coming home alone one day not too long ago this week and I thought to myself:

negatives: my house will be alone, quiet and empty when I arrive. nobody will kiss me hello and tell me about their day and ask about mine.

positives: my house will not be full of empty beers, no alcoholic breath to put up with and pretend I didn't notice on that kiss, no need to walk on egg shells, I can come home and cry for 5 minutes if I want to without being asked: "uugghh....what's wrong with you this time?" no need to hear how he had such an awesome productive day and he got SO MUCH DONE when clearly he is wasted.............. no need to fake a smile!!! i can be me at last!

thank you all so much for your support.

Diva76

If waking up 15 min earlier is what you need to do to save yourself the heartache, I say treat yourself to a first-class seat on the new train you'll be riding from now on!

There was someone else I broke up a little over 4 years ago and I still have to remind myself from time to time to look straight ahead as I'm driving down the
street that his business is on...

Unfortunately, we owned a home together...(that's a whole OTHER post)
and both run our own businesses in the same area...

Early on, just being in the general area made me feel anxious on the inside...

I know you are hurting and that is OK...

I am proud of you for making a sound decision by re-routing your morning commute....

Whether you're riding on the same train as him or not, he is still going to be carrying the same "baggage" and frankly, you don't need it....

suki44883

Too bad you didn't run into him WITH the train.