Unhealed Wounds and Trauma
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast
Posts: 1,068
Unhealed Wounds and Trauma
I presume that alcoholics have unhealed wounds that cause them to drink to excess and ruin their bodies and lives and the lives of those around them . . . and likewise, the people around them have their own unresolved issues and then are traumatized by the alcoholics antics, destruction and chaos.
Again, all of this is fairly obvious, BUT it's no way to live . . .when you're "in it." you can't see that - you just react to the perpetual trauma and it's all about fire-fighting until the next terrible thing happens.
The very, very sad part of it is that it is so hard to step away when it is someone you love - and also just knowing the damage they are doing to themselves is just unbearable . . . I would imagine it is similar to living in a war zone where bombs are going off daily - people have PTSD - yet they don't have the full knowledge they are operating from a point of severe trauma.
Just stating the obvious because for myself it was hard to see.
When you can't go to work without a phone call or a worry - when you can't have a day's peace . . . it's just insanity.
I just felt inspired to write that. There is no real point to it - not asking questions, not wanting validation - it's just my realization.
Again, all of this is fairly obvious, BUT it's no way to live . . .when you're "in it." you can't see that - you just react to the perpetual trauma and it's all about fire-fighting until the next terrible thing happens.
The very, very sad part of it is that it is so hard to step away when it is someone you love - and also just knowing the damage they are doing to themselves is just unbearable . . . I would imagine it is similar to living in a war zone where bombs are going off daily - people have PTSD - yet they don't have the full knowledge they are operating from a point of severe trauma.
Just stating the obvious because for myself it was hard to see.
When you can't go to work without a phone call or a worry - when you can't have a day's peace . . . it's just insanity.
I just felt inspired to write that. There is no real point to it - not asking questions, not wanting validation - it's just my realization.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
My Wife has a lo of unhealed wounds, trauma, PTSD, and is an ACoA. by the Grace of God I found this place (SR) and have learned how it's not mine to fix/deal with/agonize over - she has to do it for her. But, so far, she won't so it's out of my hands.
It is ssad to watch someone destroy themselves and those around them. Luckily I am no longer blind to it, and that makes it easier.
Good insight, thanks for posting.
C-OH Dad
It is ssad to watch someone destroy themselves and those around them. Luckily I am no longer blind to it, and that makes it easier.
Good insight, thanks for posting.
C-OH Dad
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
I wonder for the alcoholics they carry maybe alot of SHAME and GUILT..and drinking helps to push down the feelings....(in the beginning) but as time went on, the alcoholism has taken over and they get lost.....
dont mind me, just thinking out loud
dont mind me, just thinking out loud
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 336
Seek - Yes I think you've summed it up pretty accurately. It really is a case of fire-fighting and while that is going on there is no chance to 'grow' or work on any issues. For the first time in nearly three decades I spent xmas with my family of origin and was not near AH. But I also noticed that after a few days my dad seemed ill and I suspected he had had a relapse of a UTI he had been suffering from last month. When I mentioned this - my brother went berserk and started demanding to know what I intended to 'do about it'. And how dare I make such assumptions before speaking to the patient first?!!
Initially I felt upset but as the day progressed and I used all the tools I have picked up at Al-Anon _ I came to the conclusion and voiced my opinion that I had come from and that my family of origin is a family of 'denial'. That really I should commend myself for holding on to my sanity after living in such crazy situations and still daring to voice my opinions. As I started to realize two things I felt really good - First some things - fights, bad behaviour, bad atmopspheres can be down to somebody else's issues - not our own. We didn't cause it, cant cure it, can't control it. And secondly that there will be disagreements, and we should be always, always able to voice our opinions and if others can't handle this - they are the plonkers, but we can say what 'we' think, recognize that people are unable to handle a situation , but that's okay, its not the end of the world. Previously I went into melt down mode whenever something happened. Now I am finally learning to healthily deal with conflict and my anxiety has greatly diminished, thanks to Al-Anon and to all of you on this forum.
Initially I felt upset but as the day progressed and I used all the tools I have picked up at Al-Anon _ I came to the conclusion and voiced my opinion that I had come from and that my family of origin is a family of 'denial'. That really I should commend myself for holding on to my sanity after living in such crazy situations and still daring to voice my opinions. As I started to realize two things I felt really good - First some things - fights, bad behaviour, bad atmopspheres can be down to somebody else's issues - not our own. We didn't cause it, cant cure it, can't control it. And secondly that there will be disagreements, and we should be always, always able to voice our opinions and if others can't handle this - they are the plonkers, but we can say what 'we' think, recognize that people are unable to handle a situation , but that's okay, its not the end of the world. Previously I went into melt down mode whenever something happened. Now I am finally learning to healthily deal with conflict and my anxiety has greatly diminished, thanks to Al-Anon and to all of you on this forum.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Actually some really great insights!!!!
Yep, the 'horror' after I found recovery, many times made me think of going
back to the booze and drugs, however, since I had died finding recovery, I
knew I would die, so had no recourse except to slog and trudge through it. I
was really NOT A VERY NICE PERSON for the first 15 months or so of my
recovery.
Had so much work to do on myself, and slowly became aware of the DAMAGE
I had caused others, whew
This is when the 12 steps really started working in my life because I was 'work-
ing' the 12 steps. The steps gave me a way, to look at the wreckage of my
past, to clean up the wreckage of my past, and to become a productive citizen
in today's society.
(((((Seek))))) your insights on 'right on the money.'
Love and hugs,
Yep, the 'horror' after I found recovery, many times made me think of going
back to the booze and drugs, however, since I had died finding recovery, I
knew I would die, so had no recourse except to slog and trudge through it. I
was really NOT A VERY NICE PERSON for the first 15 months or so of my
recovery.
Had so much work to do on myself, and slowly became aware of the DAMAGE
I had caused others, whew
This is when the 12 steps really started working in my life because I was 'work-
ing' the 12 steps. The steps gave me a way, to look at the wreckage of my
past, to clean up the wreckage of my past, and to become a productive citizen
in today's society.
(((((Seek))))) your insights on 'right on the money.'
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Any one here can read exactly this stuff in the newcomers to recovery and the alcoholism forum. A lot of those posts are so desperate and the people hurting physically and emotionally; it can be heartbreaking to read.
But I don't think its necessarily "trauma"; but more of the guilt and shame stuff, that keeps a lot of people hooked into the addiction cycle.
I know alcoholics who come from very good families and with stable childhoods. They started drinking in high school and never stopped. I view that as never having the chance to grow up emotionally, while the rest of us learn to deal with our "traumas" and develop healthy coping skills.
But I don't think its necessarily "trauma"; but more of the guilt and shame stuff, that keeps a lot of people hooked into the addiction cycle.
I know alcoholics who come from very good families and with stable childhoods. They started drinking in high school and never stopped. I view that as never having the chance to grow up emotionally, while the rest of us learn to deal with our "traumas" and develop healthy coping skills.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
I wouldn't assert that all addicts have some underlying trauma that led to the addiction. Some may, and it ought to be dealt with. I'm saying this as someone who's been treated for PTSD.
But I often feel like the addiction itself is itself a form of trauma. As F&F we feel the effects, but the addict and their inner child/soul/core self has got to be experiencing trauma too.
It's heartbreaking. I wish it on no one.
But I often feel like the addiction itself is itself a form of trauma. As F&F we feel the effects, but the addict and their inner child/soul/core self has got to be experiencing trauma too.
It's heartbreaking. I wish it on no one.
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