lied to on every level don't know what to do
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
, respect is not so much for the other person as it is for yourself" and so is forgiveness!!
My counselor told me once that if I was to work the steps just remember STEP 9!!
God is taking care of you! just remember that..
My counselor told me once that if I was to work the steps just remember STEP 9!!
God is taking care of you! just remember that..
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Originally Posted by amityville 
ha...reflecting onme..i know that feeling! nobody warned me about him. because everyone thought he was great, he'd done drugs in the past but stopped a good while before he met me. so i assumed as did everyone else who knew him, that he was ok and had turned his life around etc. looking at it now it just seems he substituted the drugs with me, and when the novelty/ honeymoon phase wore off after a yr it became random guys and more drink. the addiction was always there just in varying forms.
it's disgusting though that someone could involve a completely innocent unassuming other in that level of risk...
as far as psychological evaluations go, he still hasn't gone to the psychothereapist, obviously because he's a coward and is worried he'll be given a dozen different diagnoses and locked up...which wouldn't be a bad thing imo! they really should come with a warning. for the most part i had considered myself a good judge of character, it's crazy how wrong you can be about a person..and yourself!
cr995, that sounds stomach churning...i thought of something similar happening, he's now living in the house his grandmother left him, about a 4hr drive away from where i am, loads of my clothes from our old apartment (that he was kicked out of) are there..i know for a fact he'd been lining up a few skanks to come over for a 'housewarming' over xmas, and the thought crossed my mind that they would probably go snooping through my stuff.. makes me sick with anger. but there is sweet fa i can do about that as thankfully i'm very much removed from all this distance wise at least, and have been through the whole past few months. i think things would have got alot more out of hand for me had i been living near him with all this going on.
always growing.. i'm so sorry to hear about how it ended out with your first wife. i've said some pretty awful things to him myself, but took them back later on. it's hard to keep the anger to yourself when you're in the middle of it! i don't know how xabf is going to turn out himself, seems from fb that he's still getting drunk and pretending he's fantastic. i spoke to his mother a week or so back, i had just found all the gay emails, i didn't tell her and at that stage i wasn't angry yet...i told her i just felt sorry for him and that i was worried he wouldn't see 30 if he keeps going the way he is. that's the last conversation i've had with anyone to do with him and am beginning to think it might be better to say nothing. even though the majority of my reasoning right now is screaming do not let him get away with this! one big thing i'm wanting to ignore but just can't, that is stopping me from sending any screenshots, is that if it that kind of public humiliation pushed him over the edge it would be on my hands forever.
it's disgusting though that someone could involve a completely innocent unassuming other in that level of risk...
as far as psychological evaluations go, he still hasn't gone to the psychothereapist, obviously because he's a coward and is worried he'll be given a dozen different diagnoses and locked up...which wouldn't be a bad thing imo! they really should come with a warning. for the most part i had considered myself a good judge of character, it's crazy how wrong you can be about a person..and yourself!
cr995, that sounds stomach churning...i thought of something similar happening, he's now living in the house his grandmother left him, about a 4hr drive away from where i am, loads of my clothes from our old apartment (that he was kicked out of) are there..i know for a fact he'd been lining up a few skanks to come over for a 'housewarming' over xmas, and the thought crossed my mind that they would probably go snooping through my stuff.. makes me sick with anger. but there is sweet fa i can do about that as thankfully i'm very much removed from all this distance wise at least, and have been through the whole past few months. i think things would have got alot more out of hand for me had i been living near him with all this going on.
always growing.. i'm so sorry to hear about how it ended out with your first wife. i've said some pretty awful things to him myself, but took them back later on. it's hard to keep the anger to yourself when you're in the middle of it! i don't know how xabf is going to turn out himself, seems from fb that he's still getting drunk and pretending he's fantastic. i spoke to his mother a week or so back, i had just found all the gay emails, i didn't tell her and at that stage i wasn't angry yet...i told her i just felt sorry for him and that i was worried he wouldn't see 30 if he keeps going the way he is. that's the last conversation i've had with anyone to do with him and am beginning to think it might be better to say nothing. even though the majority of my reasoning right now is screaming do not let him get away with this! one big thing i'm wanting to ignore but just can't, that is stopping me from sending any screenshots, is that if it that kind of public humiliation pushed him over the edge it would be on my hands forever.
We can all be great judges of character but all it takes I s one very cunning and manipulative person to prove us wrong.
It wasnt your fault he was so good at living and being a fantasy.
While we dont pretend to be anything other than who we are....owning our faults.
I agree you dont want that on your hands. The saying two wrongs dont make a right is true.
I found that when you lash back at someone you put the attention off their craziness and tbecome part of the crazy....it makes others deter from his problem to yall both having a problem because you lashed back. Ive seen it time and time. Saying nothing and putting yourself higher in maturity speaks more than saying everything.
Not telling is mother was a good call.
I hope you find happiness 2013
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 517
Originally Posted by marie1960
With gentleness I say, You are dwelling on quite a few issues that just are not yours to be worried/concerned about. His mother's sex life, not your business.
Amityville, I am so sorry this happened to you and I hope you can get through this without much more pain and hurt. I agree with those who say that the best way to find peace is to let go of the anger rather than acting on it. He does not get away with anything - his life sounds like it's riddled with secrets, lies, and compulsions. Your life is about to really begin again!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: ireland
Posts: 23
thanks kimmieh, i hadn't noticed the confusion there..his mother's business is of course her own business. the only person's sex life i'm concerned with is what was mine, what went on behind my back, and what consequences it may have on my health.
started back at my business training after the hols today, tidied up my studio and gave a quick pottery lesson to a guy who came to visit the studios, was really fun, i'm not great on the wheel, but i managed to demonstrate, and he managed to copy me, and we made a small bowl each..lol
i'd been dreading going back but now the first day is down am feeling like i'm ready for a clean start, that's today, so fingers crossed tomorrow will be as good
i'm so glad i came back here to vent last week!... i was really on edge and determined to return the damage, thanks so much all of you on here for convincing me otherwise! i know now if i had done something stupid i'd be feeling alot less sane right now!!
it's strange, the last two day the moments when i'm feeling better, if i think about him i just feel a knot in the pit of my stomach..and i have to stop thinking about him immediately. am putting myself first in that sense now, i hope that's not avoiding the pain/loss... today was the first good day in ages, genuinely, but i know i could cry at any second am just forcing myself not to. counselling would probably be good right now but the place i'm going is cheaper because i'm studying and there's a three month wait for it.
but there's no shortage of things to keep me busy and creative now, will be interesting to see how things turn out once i turn all that energy and focus back to where it should be
started back at my business training after the hols today, tidied up my studio and gave a quick pottery lesson to a guy who came to visit the studios, was really fun, i'm not great on the wheel, but i managed to demonstrate, and he managed to copy me, and we made a small bowl each..lol
i'd been dreading going back but now the first day is down am feeling like i'm ready for a clean start, that's today, so fingers crossed tomorrow will be as good
i'm so glad i came back here to vent last week!... i was really on edge and determined to return the damage, thanks so much all of you on here for convincing me otherwise! i know now if i had done something stupid i'd be feeling alot less sane right now!!
it's strange, the last two day the moments when i'm feeling better, if i think about him i just feel a knot in the pit of my stomach..and i have to stop thinking about him immediately. am putting myself first in that sense now, i hope that's not avoiding the pain/loss... today was the first good day in ages, genuinely, but i know i could cry at any second am just forcing myself not to. counselling would probably be good right now but the place i'm going is cheaper because i'm studying and there's a three month wait for it.
but there's no shortage of things to keep me busy and creative now, will be interesting to see how things turn out once i turn all that energy and focus back to where it should be
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
What a horror story and not the first I have heard of it. See it all too often in this city the "downlow".
So happy to hear you are having good days. I hope your tests came back ok -
This is betrayal at its worst. Living well truly is the best revenge. Never a reason to avenge someone like that they are their own worst enemy - he will do himself in far worse than you ever could.
Keep up the positive thinking!
So happy to hear you are having good days. I hope your tests came back ok -
This is betrayal at its worst. Living well truly is the best revenge. Never a reason to avenge someone like that they are their own worst enemy - he will do himself in far worse than you ever could.
Keep up the positive thinking!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 230
Glad to hear that you are doing better.
When I find out news about STBXAH that I want to act on I have my "wait-a-day" rule. I wait a day and see if I still feel the same way (wanting to call or lash out somehow), then I call a friend and chat it over or come and post on here and get some other perspectives. When it's been about a week I realize how crazy whichever idea I had was and that giving myself time is a far better idea than doing something I can't undo. I've slipped and called him to holler, but in the end, it doesn't make me feel any better.
When I find out news about STBXAH that I want to act on I have my "wait-a-day" rule. I wait a day and see if I still feel the same way (wanting to call or lash out somehow), then I call a friend and chat it over or come and post on here and get some other perspectives. When it's been about a week I realize how crazy whichever idea I had was and that giving myself time is a far better idea than doing something I can't undo. I've slipped and called him to holler, but in the end, it doesn't make me feel any better.
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