Lost in the woods and not much use to anyone anymore
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Lost in the woods and not much use to anyone anymore
The great news is: it's the New Year!!!, my STBXAH took off early for the States, and I made it through 2 weeks of being in the same country with him without his getting violent or making major family drama. Well, there was daily drama, but it was all contained on email. Plus the 5 minutes when I lost my own temper and yelled so everyone on the mountaintop restaurant could here, "yes I am stressed. It is easy for you to stay relaxed when you've been drinking all day!" Plus something along the lines of, " your behaviour has been absolutely disgusting!" Oops. It amused him to see me lose my cool for the first time with him since this summer, but he did reply with some choice words that gave me some useful info, such as the ridiculous story he is telling the police here to explain a dv incident last October.
But he did stay out of my apt, even without a r.o., which is great. And he left 2 weeks early to save money on hotel costs.
I have been soaking up your wisdom here on SR. But I keep wishing that I could play a more helpful role with other posters here. But I find my own situation so muddling, and alcoholism muddling, and somewhere along this road I stopped being someone useful and thoughtful and giving. I feel lost and in shock and uncertain at times. And I can't seem to get out of my own obsessive questioning and reflecting so that I can truly be there for anyone. All this energy to figure out my AH. How do I cut it out?!
But he did stay out of my apt, even without a r.o., which is great. And he left 2 weeks early to save money on hotel costs.
I have been soaking up your wisdom here on SR. But I keep wishing that I could play a more helpful role with other posters here. But I find my own situation so muddling, and alcoholism muddling, and somewhere along this road I stopped being someone useful and thoughtful and giving. I feel lost and in shock and uncertain at times. And I can't seem to get out of my own obsessive questioning and reflecting so that I can truly be there for anyone. All this energy to figure out my AH. How do I cut it out?!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ny/nj
Posts: 182
Perhaps don't try. Maybe breathe & only do what is necessary to get from day to day for a while. Take a nap, or several. I napped for most of a year once. Repeat the Serenity Prayer, maybe endlessly.
Hang out with beings who think you are great! Even if that means only dogs for a while. Just kidding, I am sure there are humans who see you as wonderful, and having much to contribute.
Mentally give yourself the hugs and support you need. Turn it over to a higher power.
Just my humble suggestions.
Hope you feel better soon.
Hang out with beings who think you are great! Even if that means only dogs for a while. Just kidding, I am sure there are humans who see you as wonderful, and having much to contribute.
Mentally give yourself the hugs and support you need. Turn it over to a higher power.
Just my humble suggestions.
Hope you feel better soon.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Yes, thanks hopeworks. I go 2-3 times a month to an Al Anon mtg here. It does help. And church does, too. I just start forgetting everything when I miss a mtg. And I question myself so much that I have to keep starting over again. Especially with the AH around. It's like I lose myself a bit when he is here.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Oh Pippi, you don't need to feel on call to post for the rest of us here. I think we all take turns, sometimes we feel lost and underwater and just can't see which way the bubbles are leading to get up to the surface, and that's when somebody else steps up to help.
And so often, you've brought clarity and hope and comfort to others here, and you will do that again. And again, and again, when it is your time, your turn.
In the meantime, why not come here often and post what's on your mind, whatever it is, whenever it is? I find that reading other people's posts often makes me aware of an issue that was lurking in my thinking, but hadn't gotten articulated yet. And trying to think through someone else's question and respond is so valuable to me. It makes me clarify and draw upon my own inner resources, and often, that makes me realize "ah, yes I DO have some inner resources..."
"And I can't seem to get out of my own obsessive questioning and reflecting so that I can truly be there for anyone. All this energy to figure out my AH. How do I cut it out?!"
Can you be more specific about what you are trying to figure out about your AH? And, as you reflect on that, what would the result be for you, if you could figure it out?
Remember, you've just been through the crisis of having an unwanted partially lit bomb fly over and land in your life, and you've been waiting and hoping and maneuvering to avoid it exploding, and that is stressful and draining. So take of yourself, first, cut yourself a lot of slack. Just take the next very very little step, and pat yourself on the back for that.
Or, maybe even better - try my reward system: a new pair of HIGH HEELS!!!! You survived and defused the bomb and it WENT HOME!!!!! Congrats!
And maybe try to focus on yourself, what you need now. That's all we can really ever impact, anyway. When I find myself obsessing about my STBXAH - usually over his latest nutso spreadsheet LOL - I have starting asking myself "And WHY is this important for me to be thinking about?" It's helping me move on to something more productive.
We're all here for you,
ShootingStar1
And so often, you've brought clarity and hope and comfort to others here, and you will do that again. And again, and again, when it is your time, your turn.
In the meantime, why not come here often and post what's on your mind, whatever it is, whenever it is? I find that reading other people's posts often makes me aware of an issue that was lurking in my thinking, but hadn't gotten articulated yet. And trying to think through someone else's question and respond is so valuable to me. It makes me clarify and draw upon my own inner resources, and often, that makes me realize "ah, yes I DO have some inner resources..."
"And I can't seem to get out of my own obsessive questioning and reflecting so that I can truly be there for anyone. All this energy to figure out my AH. How do I cut it out?!"
Can you be more specific about what you are trying to figure out about your AH? And, as you reflect on that, what would the result be for you, if you could figure it out?
Remember, you've just been through the crisis of having an unwanted partially lit bomb fly over and land in your life, and you've been waiting and hoping and maneuvering to avoid it exploding, and that is stressful and draining. So take of yourself, first, cut yourself a lot of slack. Just take the next very very little step, and pat yourself on the back for that.
Or, maybe even better - try my reward system: a new pair of HIGH HEELS!!!! You survived and defused the bomb and it WENT HOME!!!!! Congrats!
And maybe try to focus on yourself, what you need now. That's all we can really ever impact, anyway. When I find myself obsessing about my STBXAH - usually over his latest nutso spreadsheet LOL - I have starting asking myself "And WHY is this important for me to be thinking about?" It's helping me move on to something more productive.
We're all here for you,
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
"Take a nap, or several. I napped for most of a year once."
Celticgenes, this made me laugh SO hard I am still rolling around on the floor. What a sense of humor! And what is even funnier is that it's TRUE!!!
ShootingStar1
Celticgenes, this made me laugh SO hard I am still rolling around on the floor. What a sense of humor! And what is even funnier is that it's TRUE!!!
ShootingStar1
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